anxiety keeps ruining my relationships

[high flyer]

Hi ive suffered from anxiety since i had car accident when i was 19. The family business was in heavy debt and i was working 14 hours a day 7 days per week, not good combination. Sold business 2 years ago and slowly getting finances in order, im 28 now but it left me with anxiety, panic attacks and agorophobia which started after accident. I can do some things but agorophobia can get bad at times which means work is a nightmare sometimes and friends soon get sick of you telling them lies why you cant go out and they dissapear. Now to the point of this posting (at last) I have lost girlfriends because of my fear of planes, trains, buses, shops, wide spaces, small spaces etc. Right now im at home while my current girlfriend is in canada for 3 weeks on holiday and telling me how good it is in the couple of times she has texted me. I feel realy low and travel (or rather not) is going to break us up and i am going to be on my own again soon i can feel it. She has no patience for me and has her own problems (who doesnt). I'd love a family but dont think im ever going to have stable relationship with the way i am constricted by this affliction and all relationships involve travel at some time! Has anyone else had these kind of problems and has anyone got any success stories?
p.s i do try to help myself Im on beta-blockers and going to see therapist soon

[nomorepanic]

Hi and Welcome aboard

Have the partners ever told you why they left? Was it specifically because of the illness?

If your girlfriend loves you for who you are then she will stay with you regardless of how you feel or what you are going through.

My partner, Alex, has been with me since I was at my worst and he started seeing me knowing that I had loads of issues.

Yes it restricts our lives but he wouldn't have it any other way so we live within my restrictions.

I am sure she loves you a lot and won't leave you just because you can't do some things. Can you talk this over with her and ask her how she really feels about things?

Good to have you here anyway.


Nicola

[high flyer]

Thank you for welcoming me. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said about your alex and you living within your limitations ive never found anyone prepared to do that. Its keep up with me or im off and i cant blame them realy. Its the basic points of a working relationship but ive never been lucky enough to find it (yet). Only person i can talk to is my brother and he is moving away soon. I hate the isolation it causes!
previous partners have never said because i denied it for years and didnt realy know what was wrong with me if the truth be told so i think they just thought i was boring and a bit clingy when we were out (i annoy myself more than anyone else), wont make that mistake again though!
Weve tried talking but she has depression and drink problem although she is in the care profession herself. Just waiting for her to leave now, family keep saying id be better off without her but i dont think so. I had plans in my head of us getting married and having a family you know how it is. Before she left we had just sorted out major row then she is on hols with her mum and gran and i hardly hear from here im agorophobic not blind lol.
Thanks anyway its comforting to hear that someone can be happy. Ive been thinking of starting a group or club in my area for anxiety suffers of all kinds maybe as i feel other sufferers are the only people who realy understand or care, like on this site

[nomorepanic]

Sorry to hear that your previous partners didn't understand - I know how hard that is cos I lost a partner cos he said he just couldn't cope with me anymore - that was hard.

It is a shame that you fell out before she went away and is not talking to you much. What you both need to do is sit down and talk it over and decide what is best for BOTH of you.

What area are you in? No Panic (the charity) have details of many self help groups so there may be one already set up in your area that you could join. If not then starting one would be great!!

Chin up ok?

If you are lonely whilst she is away then pop in the chat room - www.nomorepanic.co.uk/lounge/chat/chat.html - we have fun and support each other.




Nicola

[seh1980]

Hello and welcome to the forum!! :)

Some people are very impatient and have no time for people like us or for people with any other type of problems. However, like Nic, I'm lucky enough to have a partner who understands and somehow puts up with me..there are loads of understanding people out there..

Could it not be that you are just scared about your current relationship because of what has happened to you in the past?

Sarah :D

[high flyer]

Thanks nicola I will look up that charity and see if there is a group near me, I live in ayrshire in scotland [8D]

HI sarah I wish it was my fear of the past that made me think this way but im 99% sure im right. Thanks anyway its always good to receive feedback :D

[Rennie1989]

Hiya

My boyfriend (been going out since tuesday, the last one didnt work out) is really understanding about my anxiety. I'm slowly recovering because i have him there to look afta me.

Dont worry, as said before if your girlfriend loved you she will stay with you, like my boyfriend!

Scooter Girl AKA Jade

[Meg]

High flyer

Welcome. All of the above commenst are very pertinent, the option to consider is to discuss with your therapist and take all the steps needed and with as much support as you can muster - make it a priority and gently get over it all so it is not an issue in future relationships and Yes It is getoverable..


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[seh1980]

High flyer - I hope it all works out a lot better than you think it will!! :D

[sal]

Hi Mate

It can be hard, and i understand how you feel. I remember the days before anxiety when i met people and it fell in to place without a doubt in my mind. Now i meet people and question if they can cope or can i after being alone for so long. Give her a chance and see what you can make out of it. If its there it is going to work out for you however anxious you feel.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[lotus]

Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I met this guy last year, I was in love with him ... Actually this was the first time that I ever fell in love with someone. He said he loved me, that he would be there for me, and blah blah blah ... talk is cheap, you know ;]
At one point we were fighting all the time, he was very nervous, irritable and edgy, he started saying that I wasn't trying hard enough to fight this condition, he said that I didn't know what I wanted ... and then he said that he's had enough and can't do this anymore. So we split. It was really hard for me to get over him, but oh well ... If you really love someone, you are there for him no matter what he is going through. He gave up easily, so I guess he didn't really love me after all.
Love comes again ... or so I hope ;]

[Raindrop]

I didn't have a r'ship for a long time, one of the reasons being my fear of having someone reject me because of my anxiety. I know how you feel - like you're not good enough. (Which is bullsh*t, quite frankly, because everyone has issues, some people's just don't have names...)

My gf couldn't be better. She had panic attacks and anxiety and actually recovered! She still gets moments of anxiety, but she knows how to deal with it so it doesn't escalate. She gives me such strength, because I know you can get past it, even when it completely dehabilitates you. She's also happy to sit with me, sometimes in silence, sometimes reassuring me, whatever I need really, until the feeling has passed. She hassled me to go to counselling, wouldn't let me stop eating (like I wanted to), and has generally made life so much more beautiful to me.

I'm exceptionally lucky, because I know how many people just don't "get it". The ones that don't get it usually think you're being silly, or attention-seeking, or they lose patience with you. Maybe though, we should cut them some slack, because I don't understand it and I *suffer* from anxiety/panic, so what it must be like for those who don't suffer, I just don't know.

Are there things you can think of doing together that doesn't involve anxiety-inducing activities? Or maybe, you could try breaking some of your boundaries by taking tiny little steps with her? I know that's a big deal, and asking you to do something that you would feel very uncomfortable with, but you've got to start somewhere, and avoidance just increases your anxiety. Good luck.

[bethyboo]

hey there, i know how u feel. although ive had a few long term relationships they have mostly been ended by me. My fear of being hurt first and them not knowing how to deal with my irrational behaviour, 9i have suffered from panic and acute anxiety for over 8 years and as sad as i9t sounds have found that i am at my most stable when im single and dont have to worry or think about nayone else. im under no illusions that this is the right path for em but for now it seems to work, with 2 kids to look after my need to be mentally stable takes over the needs of having soemone in my life, but the downbfalls are i do get lonely and like u all my family moved to wales)im in kent) last year so i do feel very alone at times. i am very lucky though as i have lots of brilliant freinds who ahve stood by me, supported me and understood me through my worst times and i suppose that alone is whats been the most important thing, having people around who care! xx

beth xx

[Meg]

RELATIONSHIPS (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=377)