Struggling lately :(

[icklebex]

Hi all, sorry to post I guess I just needed some help or reassurance or something, sorry if I waffle, its my forte.

I came back to work monday after over a week off, work stress got to me and I broke down infront of my boss as panic attacks started after over a year doing great, so disheartened.

Theyve been great, made me work fixed hours no more as am on flexi and was working too many hours to as staff shortage, deadlines missed. and reduced my workload. but work is still chaos, people are so unhappy.

I felt much better after having time off and everyone on here has been so very supportive and i am so grateful, thank you.

The panic attacks came back last nite with a vengeance, had co codomal as felt edgy bad idea i know, woke up after 2-3hrs sleep in panic heart racing, chattering in my head, sweating, tingly the lot! i got up after trying to stay in bed and fight it, and came on here just reading and rang no panic helpline and did breating exercises. felt better then hot milk back to bed, bam happened straight away and i think i slept an hour or so on and off after being up for over 3 hours and having more co codomal. I'm due to start work soon and just want to cry, be sick, im shaky, my heart hurts. when i have night panic it throws me into chaos. I just wana stay home with my cats!

My partner is wonderful, im so fortunate in so many ways I just felt so disappointed, i want to hand in my notice but i don't want to run away this time, i need to fight it, i don't want more sick days, i don't want to crawl back to temp agencies after quitting another job through panic, i dont want to let everyone down. im so so scared, and now im crying so will look like a beetroot soon. and we have our first foreign holiday together in 2 weeks time and Im scared il be a mess and let my partner down.

i try to keep smiling, keep a lid on, im friendly happy type person normally. the doc has put my citalopram up to 40mg, it will be 2 wks fri being on that dose, maybe its side effects, heightened anxiety i dont know.

sorry to go on im just so upset at myself that this is happening yet again. i know the panic attacks won't harm me, but how long can you sustain them at nite with not much sleep? i feel so drained.

any advice anything please?

and hugs to everyone who is struggling at the moment xxxxxxx

thankyou for taking the time to read.

[marie1974]

hiya do u think the holiday is setting this anxiety off? as hard as it is u sound like u have a lovely supportive hubby and the holiday will do u good. make sure u let your partner how u feel about holiday and im sure you will feel better for that and also have his extra support. you may find after the holiday you come back and the anxiety will start to go away, if not mayb cbt or other therapy would help understand why u feel like this. hugs to you xxx

[chellebelle]

Your post could be my post at the moment. I just want you to know that you are not alone with these feelings. There is no lonlier feeling than when you are awake at night with panic.
It sounds like you did all the right things, you should be really proud of the way that you dealt with the panic.

Also, you should be super proud of the fact that you found the strength to let the people at your work know, it's so silly that none of us would think twice about letting our bosses/collegues know if we had some kind of physical ailment, but that we see ourselves as failures if we have to take time off or let people know that we suffer panic.

Big hugs and know that we're all here for you xxxox

[Anna78]

Hi Bex (its Anna from Durham)

I was exactly like that when i returned to work it was awful but once i got back into the swing of things it got better. (i work at Orange in Darlo)

I hope you a feeling ok if you ever want to chat mail me

Anna xx

[lizzie29]

Hi, I hope you're feeling a bit better now. Panic at night is such a horrible thing isn't it, everything seems so much worse - I'm so glad it's summer, the early mornings make me feel better.
I don't know if you've gone to work or not, but if so, I hope it's going okay. I'm off work at the moment, like you, I was doing really well, enjoying it, then suddenly I couldn't do it anymore. Taking some time out to have cbt, as worrying about whether I was going to work the next week or not was adding to my anxiety.
It is disheartening when everything's going well and then turns bad, I feel disappointed that I'm off, but just couldn't manage it anymore. I'm hoping some time and space will make me feel a bit better. Like someone else said, it's such a shame that if we had physical conditions, we wouldn't feel bad about being off work and telling people why. It's sad that there's such a stigma associated with mental illness, but I guess there always has been and possibly will continue to be for a long time.
Maybe the thought of your holiday is worrying you, even subconsciously. I've been like that before, worried but I don't really know why. A holiday is a big thing, I struggle with going away from home, so possibly it's this?
It's good that you want to keep on fighting and going to work. Could you perhaps make an arrangement that you went in for half a day at first? This might make it easier as you know you're coming home at lunchtime, and if it's hard, it's not as long to go.
Anyway, good luck and I hope you feel better soon. xxx

[icklebex]

Hey all

Thanks so much for replying i really do appreciate it! :)

I did got to work, I've be anxious all day ugh!

I'm trying so hard to stick at it, but i really want to give in my notice :(

Anna how did you cope being back at work?? how do people cope at night??

Im so excited by my hol I don't think I have a problem with that im just worried that I'll be too ill to enjoy it which is what i feel right now :(

Thank you for all of your kindness xx

Bex xxxx

[Anna78]

Hi Bex

work were really good and let me come back a few hours at a time. The first few days were awful i was haveing 2 -3 panic attacks a day while i was at work wich made me think i couldnt cope it was awful. After my first day back at work i rang the doc saying i couldnt cope with it so he gave me some diazapam to help with the attack (which they did). Im so glad now i made myself do it it would of been so easy to stay in the house and not see anyone wich is really what i wanted to do. I was worried people were talking about me which made me worse. Do you take any meds? i take citalopram wich has helped me loads it controls the panic attacks but i still get anxious.

if you want to chat mail me

Anna x

[icklebex]

Hi Anna

Thanks for your reply, I am taking 40mg of citalopram upped in last 2 weeks.

I've been at fever pitch today but calmed down now! Thankfully! How long were you off and how long have you been back??

I hope you don't mind me asking!

I will peservere, I'm a stubborn so and so! I will mail you it will be nice to chat if thats ok.

Tc

Bex xxx

[Anna78]

Hi Bex

I was off for 4 months and really didnt want to come back in fact i think i made myself more ill by thinkg about going back to work. Im so glad i did now. The doc has increased my dose today up to 30mg of citalopram thank god for the drugs thats all i can say.

any time you want a chat just email me its nice to know there is always someone there if you need a chat or a good rant

Hope you feeling better

Anna xx

[andrewc]

Hi Bex

Im sorry youre not feeling well but believe me you will feel better. You have only upped your dose 2 weeks ago so any day now you will feel better.

I think the fact that you went back to work naturally increased your anxiety but I see you are trying to cope which is a good thing.

Just focus ahead and picture the good things about your holiday and what a wanderful time you will have.

Be positive about your holiday and say to yourself that you WILL BE FINE.
Avoid letting negative thoughts take over.

Best of luck

Andy

[icklebex]

hi Andrew

Thanks for your post, im much better than I was earlier, it is just a blip i know and i get myself int such a state.

people at work are hugging me and tell me they love me in a kinda half serious half jokey collective way!

Im so glad for the things Ive got, things could be so much worse so chin up and fight another day!!

thanks for all your support xxxx