Failure

[HereIam]

I can't understand why I feel like I'm going to fail everything. I passed everything at school and college and other things like different courses I did after college, my driving test and so on the first time, but with all of them I was completely shocked I had passed. Where does this feeling come from? If I haven't experienced failing all the time why do I always think i'm going to? It adds to the SA because it makes me feel like if I do something wrong when i'm with other people i'm going to be REALLY embarrassed. Its like I always have to get it right. I love that I do pass things obviously but at the same time I hate the fear while waiting to see if I have passed or not. Also I've been sitting and thinking... where did my SA come from!? How did I or any other person get it? I know what made it worse but I don't know why it started. Is there always a reason or do some people just get the short straw? Sorry I realise I've gone on a bit... I was just sitting and thinking and this all came to me...

[bottleblond]

Sounds like a lack of confidence to me hun! but they way you describe yourself, you have no need at all to feel this way!! Same with your SA, It's all down to a confidence thing, we either have it or we don't.

I think you sound great so try not to worry!!

Love Lisa
xxx

[smbljb]

.. and of course confidence is something that can be learned HereIAm.

Nervousness about the fear of failing is perfectly normal. When I graduated I couldn't look at board because I was sure I had failed. I didn't and you aren't a failure either. Tell yourself that all the time.

[Bill]

Fear of failing I think is an indication of being intense and being a perfectionist. We feel we have to get everything "just right". As the others have said, it links into a lack of confidence.

One other thought regarding your lack of confidence. According to your other posts you used to suffer from depression and used to self harm. I can't tell the reason behind the depression but athough self harming is often a release for pain we're feeling, I think it's also a sign that we hate ourselves. If we hate ourselves then we don't expect others to like us either so in a social group I think we might feel inferior and afraid of making a mistake because it'll remind us of our feelings of being inadequate compared to others. Just a thought.

You certainly need to build your self confidence and have more self belief. You are an equal to everyone else and it's up to others to accept you for who you are. We all put our foot in it at times but that's just being human. I know it's easier said than done but just be "you" and try not to worry what others might think of you because it's often only ourselves who are self critical when we think we've said something wrong when we haven't.

I used to self harm myself and before then I used to feel too afraid to talk in a crowd so I sympathise with what you've been through and how you must be feeling. In time though, I'm sure you'll find more self confidence.:hugs:

[HereIam]

Hey thankyou for replying - means a lot!

Yeah I don't have much confidence I guess but how do you learn it? I think you are right about the self harming means sometimes we hate ourselves. My depression was down to situations at home very broken family and not a lot of love from one of my parents felt very rejected I guess. I used to harm myself because I'd be angry at myself for crying or being upset or sometimes just felt like everything that had happened at home was my fault. I still get a bit upset about my fmaily and hate thinking of the past but don't have depression anymore. I live away from the situation now so I guess that helps (my husband is like my superhero!) I Find it hard when you say I am the same as everyone else, it's something I really need to work on. I know its all down to the SA, there are soooooooooo many people I think don't like me some of them even family. If it makes any sense I KNOW they don't hate me but I FEEL like they do. Its feel like a crazy journey i'm on! Now I know what I have and learning more about I feel like I might actuallty make it through one day - just still working out how!!

[Bill]

I don't have much confidence I guess but how do you learn it?

How does a striker become a confident goalscorer?-
Practise and more practise and Experience.

When you're afraid of a situation, the only way to build confidence is by "experiencing" what you're afraid of by "practising" how to cope. With time our confidence grows.

I used to be terribly shy at work and wouldn't talk to anyone but gradually by opening up I learnt how to converse and with practise I eventually trained people and held meetings. With every obstacle tackled our confidence grows. When we feel more self confident, our fears subside and as a result we cope with situations and life much better.

I can see that you you used to feel very unloved and therefore felt rejected which would create hatred for yourself. I've been there too I guess. It sounds though that you have a really good husband which must help you alot to now feel loved and worth something.

I think you feel everyone must hate you because you felt unloved at a young age and so deep down those feelings have stayed with you. As a result you have no confidence because you feel no one could really love you for who you are. It's affected your self esteem.

As I say though, I feel the only way you can overcome this is by opening up and being yourself with others. When they react to you in a favourable way you'll see that they don't feel about you as you feel about yourself so your confidence will then grow. Don't live in fear by living in your shell because I'm quite sure you are a lovely person. I'm sure that's why your husband married you because he can see what you can't see in yourself.:hugs:

[HereIam]

Thanx Bill :) It's nice to hear some positive words, plus something that actually helps! Means a lot!