View Full Version : My 12 yr old is suffering from anxiety
I'm really having a bad time at the moment. This week my 12 yr old daughter has been suffering with anxiety attacks and I'm devastated, she is waking up every morning with a churning stomach and being sick, today is the first morning she has gone to school and I feel like a horrid mum for sending her. I called her and her sister a taxi to make it a bit easier for her but she was so upset, I know by her avoiding going to school will only make things worse for her and thats the last thing that I want so even though I feel horrid for doing it I know in the long run it is the best thing for her.
I feel like a failure as a parent, there is a huge family history of anxiety in the females of my family and I was hoping that this was one of the genetics of my family that would skip my girls but no, i hate this s***** illness, its so unfair and she's such a lovely kid, kind to others and has never caused me a days worry or given me any grief, she doesn't deserve this its so unfair.
I am taking her to the docs on mon as this is the earliest appointment I can get, I don't want things not treated like it wasn't with me when I first started to suffer and then snow-balling into something much bigger.
Thanks for reading this, I'm so upset, its only now she has left the house that I can't stop crying about it, she's my baby and I haven't been able to protect her from suffering from this
bluesparkle
04-07-08, 09:04
hi lilly -lou
dont be so hard on yourself . . . you are not a bad mum ok. . .
i do understand how you feel my 13 year old daughter has panic attacks and it is so hard to see them suffer as we know what its like to feel like that.
sometimes i feel that im not doing all i can to help her.
i think you did the right thing sending her to school but i can understand the tears. have a :hugs: (i know that doesnt help much).
i try to keep my daughters days as normal as possible and would rather she went to school even if i had to collect her.
take care and have a bit of time for you whilst she is at school
good luck monday please let us know how you get on
rach
x
Hi Lilly-Lou,
I have just read your post and understand how you feel. My son is also 12 and suffers from my anxiety to a degree. He goes to school and enjoys it, but find some things difficult. He told me that he had to read out something in english and couldnt stop shaking. He also plays keyboard and gets nervous and anxious.I find that bit bt bit he is gaining more confidence and he also has his fathers personality which is much more confident than mine.
I feel for u so much.you want to protect your child and u feel helpless.Its so hard to be a mum.
I thought my son would become like me, but he is not me and has shown signs of being stronger. Maybe your daughter will gain more confidence as she gets older and will not always feel as she does now. She is very lucky to have a mum like you who understands and is helping her.Hopefully the gp will beable to help and advise you as well.
No one understood my anxiety as i was growing up. As a result i did my best to hide it and avoid things.Which is pretty much what i do today.Your daughter has you who understands and im sure this will help her alot.
LOve Josephine.Xxxx
Hi Lilly :bighug1:
I do totaly understand, how you are feeling now hun,:hugs: (daughter vomitting before school) but will not go into detail right now.
Because your daughter is having anx now, this DOES NOT mean, this will last forever. Have you talked to her and asked if there is anything worring her? It can be hard for the young child to pin point just whats worring her, it maybe alot of small little things going on in school, lots of small worries can lead to big anxietys.
How is she at home hun, does she have anx at home, or is it all around school?. I know its dame hard for you right now, but try and pin point where her worries are, (but as I said, not always easy) it takes time, looking carfully at when and where her anx is the most.
YOU ARE NOT a bad Mum hun, PLEASE, please DON'T think this, try dame hard to focus on moving forward.
You are sooo doing the right thing in sending her to school, ohh boy, I do have horrible memories of doing that, BUT, its the best thing, avoiding things is NOT the answer.
Try to reasure your daughter, tell her that lots of kids feel this way from time to time, encourage her to talk about how she feel, encourge her to talk about school, how her day went.
You say there is a family history, ohh hun, in mine too, BUT, please, please DON'T focus on this, DON'T, see this as a label that cannot be removed, becasue IT CAN, with the right support, you daughter CAN get better, this maybe just a large hiccup she is going through and in her own little mind, she does not understand how to deal with it and this present moment in time, she NEEDS quidance.
When my daugher had her last hiccup, mm large blip, it was when was about 2 years ago, she is nearly 15 now and doing well.( I am sooo proud of her) I did what you are doing, took her the gp and the child mental health team got involved, will not go inot that now.
You are doing all you can hun to help your daughter :hugs:
How long as your daughter had time off school hun? I ask this for a reason, does the school know whats going on. I know for me AND my daughter it was important to bring the school in on whats going on.
IT IS, sooo unfair, this emotional illness (don't like to call it mental, after all, thats what it does, it messes about with our emotions and feelings) IS dame hard to deal with as an adult, let alone a child.
I myself never new what my daughter had gone though, untill, many, many, years later, I too suffered pa's, high anxiety, (hence me joining this great site) Both me and my daughter are doing well now.
I was just saying to my mum last night, our maker gave me pa, high anx, for a reason, and that reason was to learn and understand about pa's high anxiety and how the mind works, to help my daughter.
When my daughter had her blip, I had bean a memeber off NMP for a few years. The knowledge ths site has given me as been pricless, it helped me help my daughter at the time of her blip. I owe this site alot. I did seek help from the site at the time and recieved lots of help and support.
I do know what you are going through right now, even knowing I had knowledge I was still felt like a headless chicken, running around, ringing people, wanting to talk to someone, it seemed to me, at the time, things were not happening quick enough, I wanted her better, and I wanted it NOW. I wanted to know if I, YES ME, was doing anything wrong. I did get to chat to a child phic, 5 mins on phon (sorry about spelling) she helped alot)
Please let us know how you get on hun, KEEP venting on here, I know its dame hard but with the right support, this WILL pass for your daughter.
I hope this has helped a little, even if its just knowing that people understand what you are going thought, my heart goes out to you and your daughter.
WISHING YOU BOTH WELL:bighug1:
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
Thanks for the replies. I have always tried hard to give my kids a normal life despite my anxiety, they have always been very social, I have made sure of that. My parents never told me I was loved and I never felt wanted so I have made sure that my kids know how much they are loved and how pleased and lucky I am to have them as my kids. My 12 yr old knows she was concieved through fertility drugs and was a much wanted child as were all my kids so deep down I know that it is not due to feeling unloved or not wanted that is making her anxious but something else.
I am waiting for her head of yr at school to phone me back to see if there is anything going on at school that is worrying her and I've asked her if there is any kids picking on her but she says no. Her older sister will keep an eye on her at school and so far I haven't had a call to collect her which is a good thing as she must be feeling a lot better.
When she gets home I think I will take her out and give her a treat for managing to go to school even though she was so upset, I think it was very brave and mature of her to do this, she is such a lovely girl I really hope that this can be nipped in the bud.
She has had mon-thurs off this week. She feels sick every morning and is ok mid morning. She has also had chest pains and her speech is very dis-fluent at the moment so I don't know if the other kids are taking the mickey out of her about that.
Oh darling
I know you feel so rotten this morning. I bet you are willing the clock on until 3pm when you have her home, you will just want to hear that she has had a good day.
I have anxiety probs which started after i had my son who is 12 too. He can be a real worrier so when he developed alopecia last jan 07 you can imagine i how i felt. I thought that it was my fault because he had got his worrying off me! Anyway, to cut a long story short he had a few sessions of reiki which calmed him down and his hair grew back too.
We are ok at the moment but take one day at a time.
Let me know how you get on.
Love lilibet x
Yes i am clock watching and can't wait for her to get home I have told her that it will pass and its just a blip and she wont always feel this way, but no phone call is re-assuring that she must be feeling ok now but I know she dreads the mornings as she is so agitated and tearful, just hope the doc can give some good advice on mon
Oh the poor love!
I think my daughter may suffer from anxiety as well, she gets so worked up about such tiny things. She worries about her heart, when she has got all stressed she can hear her heart loud in her ears, and it frightens her. She's only 10 as well. Its such a shame, but she is my daughter, so I suppose its one of the things she has inherited from me.
I hope your daughter feels better soon xx
As we know, anxiety and panics are caused by a fear that is troubling us. Just as with an adult, it's very important to coax a sufferer to open up about what it is that is frightening them because otherwise no one can help them.
When we see a doctor, they won't know what is frightening a sufferer and often they don't have the time or expertise to coax and delve to get to the bottom of things so they most often prescribe ad's to ease the symptoms and consider arranging for a sufferer to see a specialist.
However, I feel it's within our own powers to discover the cause so that a trip to the doctors may be prevented because we maybe able to resolve our youngsters fears ourselves. If a doctor is still needed though at least we can tell them exactly what it is that we're afraid of so that if a specialist is needed, the mental health team will know exactly what type of specialist is required.
I just feel that anxiety is not an illness but so often we treat it as such by turning to medications for a "cure" when anxiety is caused by worry, a lack of confidence and fear which "can" all be treated without the need for medication. However, when we are young, we often don't realise this because we just "feel ill" so therefore Must be ill when we're not.
If someone suffers anxiety symptoms at the sight of a spider, the best way to cure their "illness" is by getting them to touch the spider. As a parent I feel it's possible to coax our frightened offspring ourselves to do this. If we teach them the right way to cope with fear from a young age, alot of complications can be avoided as they grow older so I feel it's very important that the correct approach and right treatment are used from the beginning. Just a thought.:hugs:
And a good opinion to Bill!
:)
I have often 'feared' that my issues would affect my children and have done my upmost to try and deal with issues when they are near hoping that the would not pick up on my anxiety!!
As suffers we should be the best councillors and I agree Bill - teaching your kids to deal with their fears is paramount!
We strive forward!
hiya i just wanted to add that my eldest is 11 and a real worrier about dieing, cancer etc and he is going to secondary school in september and i am really worried as, we try to bring up our kids to be respectful, well mannered, kind, caring and sensible like my son is but a few kids have told him at school that he is gonna get bullied cos he dont swear and cos he is a goodie goodie and gets on with his work, this worrys him cos thats just how he is, and now he is only half looking forward to 2ndary school. as parents we cant win we try to bring up good kids and then they get picked on for being just that. wot is this world coming too. i worry alot for him cos he is so quiet and sensible at school.
hi hun,
well um i actually started my panic attaks when i was about 10 and im nearly 14 now so i no how your daughter is feeling.i was taken out of school which for my education prbebly wasnt best but for me it was the best thing that could of happend as i only had to focus on dealing with my panic attaks instead of being bullied about them.i aslo gave counciling a go but it wasnt for me.unfortunatly the only way to get over this as we no is to teach yourself how to deal with it which she will in time but if you ever need any advice im always here to help and hopefully she has some better friends than i did to help her at school.but the main thing is to remember your not a bad parent!you couldnt stop this from happening as you said it runs in your family as it does in mine and many other peoples.help each other with it. ok :)
charli
hi lilly-lou
:bighug1: for you, you are a fab mum, some teens do go through this type of anxiety sometime due to puberty hormones etc.
you are doing the right thing by taking action now. the females in my family are sufferers of this nightmare illness also. so i know how you are feeling, my mother, grandmother also my sisters and of course myself.
my youngest sister started these symptoms at the age of 12 or 13 she is now 20 and is still so so bad. the problem we had is she didnt tell us what was happening for quiet some time, leading my mother into turmoil my mother was threatend with prison because my sister refused to go to school, my mum did end up in court and had a £500 fine.
but you have cought this early, by getting her some counceling will help, please try and avoid meds for her if atall possible, help from a councilor may be of great help for her, just keep telling her she is not alone, and her feelings are a natural progression of growing up and its just finding a way of dealing with the thought pattern,
sorry about my spelling not one of my better qualitys lol.
i hope you can find some help for your daughter on this site, and i wish you all the best and your daughter too xtafflassx:)
ps please dont cry, things will get better, she has you xx
Thanks for all the replies,
I have taken her to the docs today that was a complete waste of time for us but I am going to help her myself after all, I am probably more experienced to deal with it. She has had a really good weekend and been out socialising with her friends and went on a sleep over despite feeling and being sick when she wakes up and getting chest pains, I have told her that a lot of it is probably her hormones and will pass as things start to settle down, maybe its been a build up of end of year tests that have just finished that have started it all up as she doesn't like to disappoint and really wants to do well in them, all I know is that its not easy being in high school and hitting pubety early.
The one thing I know is that she will get through this and I will give her all the help I can.
lilly-lou
hi lilly u are a fab mum and welldone, bloody docs are useless sometimes. i think u r right and u probably know how to deal with her better. my son 11 is strarting to go through puberty and starting to get spots and stuff and he is always so worried about everything and not wanting to go to school, i worry all the time, i try to keep him strong and positive and make him think that he is better than everyone else who is not being nice etc and hope that spurs him on. goodluck in helping your daughter xxx
Hi Lilly-Lou :D:hugs:
I am sorry to hear that the gp was a wast of time. When my daughter had her blip our gp sent her to the mental heath team, it was the mental heath team I had problems with, to see this team you have to be, what they call, tear 3, this means, panic, high anxiety across all walks of life.( my duaghters Panic, anx where all around school) I had to fight to get her to see this team, I called the team on the phon and explained, that she was tear 3 at age 3, they did see her, BUT, by the time we got to see this team, my daughter was allready moving forward (getting better) , oohh the team where gobsmacked at her proggress.
We only visited this team 3 times, my daughters decisson, was, she did not need them.
She has been panic and high axiety free now for along time.
Hun, your are doing great with your daughter, encouraging her to still do the things she has allways done, even though her anx is high. I know its dame hard for you right now :bighug1:but she will come thourgh this, with the support of her loving mother.
You take care, always her if you need to chat.
LOVE JILLXXX
My mum took me to the Drs when I was a teenager too.
It's in my family but the Drs say it's not hereditary, I think that is wrong!
You daughter will be ok, either med (i know she's young but she may need them as I did and still do) or councelling.
You have not done anything wrong and you need to make her go to school like i was and then i made myself go to work, having time to think about your anxiety makes it worse.
If your Dr prescribes Medication PLEASE DO HEAPS OF RESEARCH FIRST.
Or speak to a fully qulified Psychiatrist.
Drs have a limited knowledge of medication and some are not ok for young people.
All will work out.
Thank you for the kind words you have all written.I can't express how much your replies mean to me, thank you all
I had exactly the same problem with my 12 year old daughter, a month or so ago. She's back to normal now, just as cheeky as ever. I think what you have to try and do first is to convince her that the way she is feeling happens to lots of kids and can be just part of growing up. The worse thing she can feel is if she thinks that something as happened to her that doesn't happen to other kids, and she thinks she is different in some way. Kids of today are exposed to all sorts of things that their young minds can't come to terms with. I honestly believe that if kids think their feelings are the same as other kids, they are much more capable of overcoming their problems. It's when you feel different that you start behaving different.
Best of luck, I hope things work out ok,
Tom
i also had the same problem with my sone (13) about 6 weeks ago with a break and then a repeat last week.
we contacted his school (who had said in prents evening that they had notcied he was very quiet all of a sudden and seemed down) and they have a support team that are keeping an eye on him.
there is also a local team called 0-16, maybe there is one in your area ?
i know it's painful and hard but stay with it - it sounds like you're doing a great job already
We have had another bad morning of tears and vomit with my daughter and me feeling awful telling her to try and ignore it and get dressed. By the time she sorted herself out and plugged in her i-pod she felt better. It is a first thing in the morning thing with her and the rest of the day she feels ok.
Her teacher at school has asked her if there is anything bothering her but she can't pinpoint what the problem is although there has been a bit of trouble between her and a couple of girls at school which she told the teacher about and her in term has made her head of year aware of the situation so hopefully they will sort this out.
I can't believe just how many children suffer from anxiety at some point, I don't feel like such a failure as a mum nor do I feel like my daughter is on her own with this.
Thanks again for all the replies
Big hugs to you all
:bighug1: :bighug1:
lilly-lou
My daughter has had a really good morning today, she felt sick when she work up but there was no tears and she just got herself ready without me having to encourage her to do so. I have stuck to sending her to school which although I felt rotten for doing it has turned out to be the best thing for her and I think she is learning that it will pass as the day goes on. I am so proud of the way that she has handled the anxiety and I was determined for her not to avoid doing things as this is the reason my problems are as bad as they are.
I am keeping my fingers crossed that she is turning a corner and this blip wont last.
Thanks again for reading
lilly-lou
Stressed92
11-07-08, 09:15
Hi
I'm 15 and I think your daughter is so brave going to school feeling like that. I suffered from very bad anxiety and panic attacks going to school and I tried for so long to just keep going. In the last 3-4 weeks I have just given up because I am sick of the anxiety everyday. I am getting a counsellor and will hopefully get better so I can get back to school after the summer.
I'd just like to say well done to your daughter for not giving up because I know how hard it is:)
Amy
x x
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