Invasive thoughts - help please

[Scorpion]

Hi all,

I am newbie, been trawling the web trying to find some help and I hope this is the right place ?

My problem is mainly one of invasive thoughts, I have tried everything to switch them off but cannot find a technique. It is torture and ruins my family life.

My background is briefly this. In times of severe stress these thoughts arrive just as if a switch has been flicked. I am a Project Manager and have just joined a new company, I have been given a poison chalice of a project due to the resignation of a colleague and I am feeling severe stress. These invasive thoughts are either catastrophic fantasy or just 'what should I do to resolve the situation', but always relating to my work. On the one hand it is as if I need to have these thoughts to be in control but I hate them, they take control of my entire time away from work, they are my last thoughts at night and my first thoughts in the morning. My family seem to just hover around my periphery, I do not hear what they say or acknowledge they are there.

I know my work problems are not self inflicted as I did not create them, I just picked them up. I also know I would work 24h day to resolve them. I also know that it is my family that suffers when I have to deal with work problems, I guess I feel the stress because I do not want to hurt them.

I have read many self help books and tried many techniques but cannot find a solution I can turn on reasonably quickly. I have been in this situation before but bizarrely cannot think how to overcome the problem other than to ride it out over many weeks.

The big problem for me is that in 3 weeks time I will go on a family holiday for a further 2 weeks. If I do not find a cure then this is holiday is going to be a disaster for my family. I have been in this position once before, a 7 day holiday where every minute was spent thinking about my work problems and I could not go to my desk to do anything about it !, a holiday ruined for my whole family (who only know that I am vacant and do not know the underlying issue).

I hope readers of this post can offer some advice to help solve my problem.
I am part way through reading the advice on this website but welcome any comments from readers.

Thanks

[lesleyB]

I know how you feel, these thoughts come from no were and drive us mad. The best thing to do is ignore them just let them flow through your mind and don't give them any importance, like oh god what did I just think I must be a bad person, your not it is just the anxiety at work . Try and relax about your holiday I know it's not easy lots of deep breathing and try and enjoy it.
Good luck
Lesleyb:bighug1:

[tafflass]

hi scorpion
have you tried an ipod or singing to yourself, i find this helps, but you have to persist because the thoughts will try to win, dont let um. just keep humming that tune or wack on your ipod, or your phone, most mobiles are music based now, good luck and let me know how you get on please xtafflassx:yesyes:

ps im sure your hols will be fine, just keep singing:whistles:

[Scorpion]

Hi,

Thanks for the replies.

I have not tried an ipod I guess because, at the end of a long day at work, I want to try and spend the remaining few hours with my family and therefore sitting with my ears plugged is not really the done thing. Of course it is never really quality time anyway because of the invasive thoughts !

I do appreciate the suggestions and will give them a try.

Thanks so far.

[jill]

Hi Hun :D:hugs:

I do know and understand how ALL the family are effected, when one member is suffering from an emotional illness, my heart goes out to you and your family.:hugs:

Hun, your putting far to much presure on yourself to perform, you not only have problems with work, but you are creating problems too, by feeling the NEED to act or think in a certain way when around the family, you NEED to try and learn how to take this presure off, FIRST, regarding your family.

You are looking for a solution which you can turn on quickly, to be honest, I cannot think of one sorry hun. WELL, I can think of things that you can learn, which in turn, can help you stop thinking of work, in time.

You have programmed your mind to think a certain way and to undo that programming, its going to take time.

Does your family know what your going though, can you talk to your wife, does she know your having problems hun and trying your best to fix things? When we admit to someone close that we have problems and admit to ourselves too, this helps us move on a little. If we try and hide the problem, this creats more problems. I do hope you have someone to talk to hun.

I feel, please tell me if I am wrong, you are trying dame hard to please, everyone, work, your family, BUT HUN, there is one person you are missing out in pleasing, YOURSELF.

It is soooo important to have, what I call ME TIME, time spent, just on my own doing things I want to do, getting the balance between family work and spending time on yourself is dame hard, BUT., you must try and have some me time.

You say you don't have time to listen to an ipod, mmm, not even 10 mins, what you are trying to do when doing this, listening to music you like, is to show yourself, that you CAN listen to music, without thinking of work, listening to music that reminds us of good times, helps us remember the good time,s we relive them times in our head, its an automatic response, its built in us all, but sometimes we have to push the memories hard, the response needs a jolt, so we do this as often as we can. I have even been know to dance around the room to stop thought pattens, it does work, with alot of hard work and time.

You say you think of work from the moment you wake up till the moment you go to bed, hun, think really hard, IS THIS REALLY true? can you not think of ANY time at all and mean, ANY time at all when you are NOT thinking about work? Remember, Mrs anxiety is playing with you at the moment, she may not let you see it, so you have to look DAME HARD, anything AT ALL. What you are trying to do hear, is to show YOUSELF that its NOT, ALL DAY EVERY DAY, every second of the day. If you look, really hard, there WILL be times when your thought pattens ARE distracted, it may be mins in may be seconds, but they will get distracted my something, even reading what is written her IS distracting you, mmm, think about that hun.

would you think about going to your gp and talking to him/her, there are therapys that can help with this hun, CBT

You can get CBT books, which help us change the way we think, but this is not a quick fix, it takes alot of hard work and time.

Can you take half an hour out of your day to listen to relaxation cd's, or can you take time to learn some relaxation or self hypnoses (spell check) This helps in times of stress, if we learn to relax our mind and body, we can recall on this when needed, again this takes time to learn.

You CAN try and resolve the problem yourself, or hun, you can seek help from thearpy, therapy will learn you how to separate work from home life and will learn you how to take presure off yourself regarding work.

I wish I could be of more help and give you that quick fix you are looking for but I can't. You have to know and understand how powerfull your mind is, your CB (congnetive behavour) is all wrong at this present moment in time, so all I can think of is to try dame hard to SHOW YOURSELF, that you CAN distract yourself from work, with music, with jogging, ANYTHING you know you WILL enjoy. If you can prove to yourself that you can do it for a short time, everytime you do it, over and over the weeks, your distractions will work and the time NOT thinking about work, will get longer and longer.

Not sure if I have been of any help at all, but I do know, total distration, works.

You take care

LOVE JILLXX

[Scorpion]

Hi Jill,
Firstly, thanks for all the excellent advice. Secondly, apologies for a late reply. I went to the US for a business meeting and too negotiate some much needed slack in my schedule, sure helps to relieve the stress.

To pick up on a couple of your points:

I am definitely hiding this problem from my family. I have had this problem before and I caused my wife and daughter a lot of pain. I did not want to create the same pain again. But you are right, I need to start talking.

Regarding distraction, you are right again, just reading your reply was distraction itself. I need to find other distractions.

Once again thanks for all your advice, there are many items for me to try and help myself. Just need to get moving and get my head sorted before my well deserved holiday in 2 weeks.

Very best regards

[jill]

Hi hun :D:hugs:

I DO feel that you are allready moving forward with this hun, you seem to know and understand what positive pathways you NEED to do :yesyes: to help you get over this problem :yesyes:

What I will say though is, when you are on your hols, having a great time,:shades::yesyes::yahoo: allow yourself some thoughts of work, IF and A BIG if, it pops into your head, try dame hard to use positive self thought and tell yourself you will sort it when you get back, tell yourself its OK, its NOT a problem, DON'T put to much inportance on the thought, cos what happens is, if we try and block it out alltogether and think and put tooo much inportance, we think ohhh nooo, here we go, this sends our minds into overdrive, just say to yourself, yes, ok, I will sort it when I get back, then use diestraction, which there will be plenty on your hols :shades::yesyes:

I know your going to have a great time hun, it would be nice to know how things go, but, if your to busy, with getting on with your life, thats ok, hay, if you don't come back on here, THEN, your better, hehe and thats what this site is all about, getting better.

We are always here hun, if you need to vent, its good to talk

Sending you positive vibes

HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY

LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY JILLXXXX

[noworriesnocries]

Get a journal... Writing your thoughts rather than thinking about them simultaneously is much more paced, so therefore it will slow the thinking process down. Your hand cannot catch up with the mind going to sofast, so your mind will slow down. As you let go of these thoughts, rip the pages into small shreds and unwelcome them next time. Tell yourself, " I spent 15 minutes yesterday on this thought... I let go of it... It is nomore welcomed..." Associating thoughts with something concrete like the page you ripped, makes letting go more concrete and helps... Although it sounds silly, it may work... Give yourself 15 minutes a day to do this. Otherwise they are consuming you, and are not welcomed. You will get more and more successful with the time as you practice it. First you may take many 15 minutes a day without realizing, but later, it will be only 15 min. And you will learn to let go.