Afraid of public speaking

[joser86]

Hi. By looking info about anxiety I came across this forums and I read some of the threads and oh well, I decided to register and comment about something that is happening to me. Im gonna be brief, im not gonna give to much detail.

I'm 22 years old. My dad is a pastor of a christian church. The thing is I don't really know if I'm a anxious person, I mean, i haven't gone to a doctor or anything, but I'm almost sure I am one. Anyways, the thing is Im afraid of public speaking, but not only in front of the whole church, but even when im with a small group reunited (like sunday school) i feel nervous and afraid if they are going to give me the praying part. And thats the point where i want to get. While im going to church, in the way i feel a little anxious, afraid of whats going to happen. Even If i dont have a part in the service that day (which is rarely a day when I have a part, like to read the bible or something) But im really afraid of having to pray in front of a group. Not only pray, but also when I have to read the bible or something, I get really nervous and really afraid, for such simple task! And of course I feel really bad afterwads, like" the pastors son gets really nervous only by reading a portion of the bible". One day (kinda long time ago) it was bible day, and each person had to read a chapter of the bible, and when it was my turn, I couldnt do it because my heart was beating so fast, that I had to call my bro to do it. Anyways, thats the problem I have (not only in church of course) Thanks for reading :)

[milly jones]

hi joser

lots of ppl are not made to read out or speak in public. thats ok, ur allowed to be like that, its ur choice hun.

please just tell someone how u are feeling so u can talk and take away the feelings of guilt and lack of self worth.

the more pressure ur putting urself under the more ull find this difficult hun.

tell ur dad how ur feeling. ur not being weak or silly, its just difficult for u at the moment. it may not be like that forever but increasing the anx by putting urself under pressure will not be helping.

i have no difficulty in public speaking, with a script etc. but i cant chit chat socially to others and pass the time of day. i am trying to overcome this in little steps with support from my friends.

please keep posting hun, ur not alone

milly xxx

[Zingara]

I can really relate to this, it's not at all uncommon to feel nervous about reading aloud in church, any sort of public speaking makes me anxious. I remember when I was at university feeling horribly anxious when I had to give a presentation, and that was only in front of a group of nine or ten people.
My dad preaches, like yours, and I remember him telling me once that he went through a time when he suddenly became terrified when he had to read aloud from the bible. He would do anything to avoid it. Eventually the feelings passed and he is all right now, although he does still get nervous.
Just because you're the pastor's son doesn't mean you have to be perfect! It sounds to me as though you put too much pressure on yourself. xxx

[milly jones]

oh and by the way a warm welcome to nmp xx

[joser86]

Thanks for the answers. Milly really knows how to treat people ;) hehe. About what Milly wrote that I'm allowed to be like this, I understand, I know people would just think of me as a shy and timid person, but the thing is I do not want to be like this, since people younger than me do it so easily and I feel bad because of that. Im glad four your responses. Im gonna make sure to do what you guys told me and be sure to keep posting if anythings wrong. Thanks again! ;)

[milly jones]

did i say something to upset u hun?

im sorry if i did i didnt mean to

im always saying the wrong thing.

i do try to treat ppl nicely but end up digging a bigger hole

mill xx

[Zingara]

I think he just meant it was nice of you to say welcome, Milly. At least that's how I read it. You didn't say anything to upset anyone!! xxx

[samc100]

I have to do speaking in public and I hate it sooo much. I have found that by focusing on 1 person ( the one who is enthusiastic and not falling asleep) and pretending I am directly speaking to them really helps me.

Millie - I don't think you said anything to upset Joser - so don't fret honey xxxx

[Nemo]

Ahhh I cant totally relate.

What I hate is when I am asked IN ADVANCE to speak individually to a group - because it gives me time to think and panic about it. I also hate what the call "the creaping death" it usually happens during one of those lousy "introduction" sessions on a course when they say "lets go round the room and introduce ourselves" and you speak one at a time.... if Im first its not too bad as I dont have time to think about it, but if Im last its often terrible.

I avoid presentations like the plague, and the once or twice Ive done them I just cant hide the panic - my mouth quivvers, my voice and hands shake, I talk fast - everyone else in the room looks embarrassed for me!

Ok its best to have training training/counselling to get over the problem, but with me it hasnt worked. I would now confess to the problem with the organiser and found it always helps to suggest another way of participating ... eg a conference call which is less scary, or sharing the presentation with a second person, or turning the presentation in to a two way discussion. I also offered once to do the artwork for a presentation, stating I found it too uncomfortable to speak and that was welcomed.

[Nemo]

.... amendment to above, I meant to say "I CAN totally relate" not "can't"!! sorry..

[Nemo]

Joser, like milly says perhaps you should say something to someone - people ,especially in the church, should understand.

Perhaps request for brief speaking parts only to begin with, saying you can expand on it as your confidence grows.

Or maybe say to people that although speaking isnt your strong point, you are more than happy to help in any other aspect of the church and its services and will willingly put your heart in to doing these alternative things happily - an offer of alternative ways to help out is usually welcomed.

hope this helps..

[milly jones]

yes hun thats a good idea, i know its not the same but my hb runs a beaver colony for young ppl.

it was recently a big family camp where there were 120 kids and adults aound for the weekend.

i was expected to make an appearance as it was my hb who organised it this year for all the scouting groups in our village.

as a teacher i would normally have no difficulties running a base and working with others i n groups. however since my sa kicked in so badly, i just couldnt comtemplate talking to others, u know general chit chat.

so i offered to take photos to raise cash for the group, and to display in the headquarters.

this was great cos i could choose when i 'worked' and participated in activities, but always hiding behind the camera.

i found that i could sit quietly and watch others whilst doing my job.

if i felt more confident i could say something to trusted ppl.

this allowed me to appear involved, but comfortable on my own terms

just an idea

milly xxx