Hello and hi too you all.

[RyanF]

Hello my name is Ryan Fernandez. im 21 years old and im seeking some answers and perhaps ways to deal with somethings in my life right now.
I chanced on this forums when i was searching for "supperssing emotion" on google. i know its weird but for the past 20 years of my life i was a blank person not tottally blank im sort of the the guy who just sits down silently even with my few friends around. My mother just passed away last year around September 29 or 30, my life before that was just focused on taking care of her, but there were times when i gave up on myself and what i was doing. My father i feel just partially fulfilled his part of the throught sickness and in health yes he was around and supported i feel what he did was lacking.

and well for the other part when i was a kid they would take me to parties where there were only older people around me rarely did i go to gatherings of kids my age. the in my early teenage years i had alot of *******s for friends only being friendly when i had money. i hold a grudge against em up till now.

recently i found it to be calming to pray to God again but i am having doubts once more, then the tought of a chance of a renewed relationship is starting to bother me.

I WANT TO SUPPRESS MY FEELINGS!! yes this girl has had a big impact on my personality but she is troubled too, i find it hard to relate to people of my age group as well, preferring to keep silent and stay in one corner. I was just totally blank and had direction in life until i met her but nothing against her i feel very uncomfortable im seeking the shelter of going back to not giving a damn about myself and things around me.

Could anyone give their opinion or tell me things i should know about what the heck is happening to me.

[marie1974]

hiya and welcome mayb the reason you do this is protection for you, keeping yourself safe. i can relate to the supressed anger thing and i will say its really not good to keep all the stuff inside cos at some point we are gonna boil hun and it will all come spilling out and this happend to me years back and i had a mini breakdown, mainly down to my parents relatives and people not really caring or listening etc. i now go to CBT i found this lovely lady on internet and looked up counselling in my area and found her, it cost me 40pound per session which skints me but i need it and its helped so much, you can get it through nhs but waiting is long i think. its taught me to think differently and made me realise why i think the way way i do and feel the way i do. i had a lot of anger in me and upset which had been in me for a very very long time and it was brewing and i was ready to explode inside my head. i was suspicious of most people and kept my barriers up and on the occations i have trusted i was let down and used by people. i dont know really if this relates to u in any way but i will say writing it all down helps exactly how u feel from start to finish being brutally on with yourself and this is a kind of therapy in itself and in u want to post it do if not keep it too yourself sometimes its hard to talk about stuff, but u can read it and it will make u feel just alittle better. this girl in your life if u really like her then go with it and see how it goes ok u say she has problems and it may or may not work but go with the flow if u like her and u are opening up alittle. please keep posting and we will try to help u and u r not alone xxx

[marie1974]

sorry i forgot but im really sorry about your mum that must play a huge part in how u feel hun and mayb u are still trying to deal with that too xxx

[milly jones]

welcome to nmp hun

please look through the website and forum on nmp

there is lots of info and support here

glad u joined us

milly xx

[Veronica H]

Hi Ryan
You have been through alot with the death of your mother. I think you would benefit from some counselling. Take care of yourself and perhaps ask your new partner to take the relationship very slowly until you feel better.
Best wishes
Veronica H

[Southern_Belle]

Hi Rayn,

Welcome to the site. I am sorry for the loss of your Mother. I think you are still grieving and it is making you confused on what path to take with your life. I agree with everyone else that counseling might be a good option. If you do have faith perhaps a Minister or Priest could counsel you!

Take care,

Laura

[nomorepanic]

Hi Ryan

A warm :welcome: aboard and lovely to see you here.

Hope we can be of some help.

[Nibbles]

Hi Ryan and :welcome:

You'll get loads of advice and support here while making new friends along the way.

Take care,

Mike :)

[leonard]

Hi ryan,
Welcome. If you it comfortable to pray do so. It calms the mind. Sorry to hear about your mother, it is hard to lose a parent. Give yourself some time to recover from your berevement. I found it hard to relate to people but there are some nice folks out there, especially on this site.
God bless.
Leonard

[RyanF]

:)thanks alot guys, although this girl and i are still friends i find it relieving that i spend time around her making her happy. She's been through some tough times of her own too, her parents business going bankrupt and her being a spoiled child during her earlier college years, and after a series of short lived relationships she was REALLY hurt by her ex. She's the Martyr Girlfriend type, now she's seen the downside of life, she is beggining to appreciate the lesser things. Anyway im going to consult my psychology proffesor maybe she can help me with some of the stuff in my head.:doh:

[weeble40]

welcome to NMP hope to see you around sometime

Emma xxx