I worry consatntly about my little girl

[Fleur]

Hello, I'm new to this forum and I have joined because my anxiety about my daughter is getting worse. I have always been overprotective of her, she is my youngest, 7 years old,and the only girl. I have 3 teenage sons too. I have always liked to have her within my sight and even when she is upstairs playing in her room I call her to check if shes ok frequently. Trouble is the time interval between checks is getting shorter and my family are losing patience.
Back in February, my eldest son whos 19, looked after my daughter on his day off while I was at work and he sent a photo text message. he has got my daughter to lie sprawled on the pavement pretending to be dead and typed the word sorry under it. Well when I received the message I went absolutely hysterical and screamed and screamed, my heart is pounding now thinking about it. I dont know why he did this, he said it was a joke but I thought he would realise my reaction would be extreme.
Consequently, I have nightmares about losing her and am up several times a night to check on her. I panic when I am waiting for her to come out of school at the end of the day, shes usually one of the last out anyway, bit of a slow coach! I'm now avoiding sending her on trips and days out and going to friends etc. I'm at he end of my tether and wonder if I am always going to be lke this.
Yor advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
Fleur x

[smbljb]

Hi Fleur

I'm pretty sure your reaction is normal, I worried about my son last night (he's 13) when he went for a bike ride to his friends about a mile away and my daughter is going into town tongiht with 2 friends after school for an hour and I worried about that, wanting to tell her no when she asked. She's 14. My eldest has just spent the weeken seeing a concert in Southampton with her boyfirend (yikes!) at a friends house. Strangely I didn't worry about her safety but was worried about what else might have gone on. She's 17.

So it's normal to worry but perhaps because it is in the front of your thoughts you're spending too much time worrying. It's difficult to relax i know but perhaps when you do you might realise that you are being a bit over protective.

I would also confront your son and explain how insensitive it was to send you the text and see what he has to say for himself.

Good luck

[dianes]

Hi Fleur:D
Sorry to hear that you anxiety is causing you problems. Years ago,(while stationed in Germany) I had a good friend whoes first husband had died in bed next to her. He suffered a blood clot on the brain. When I met her she had remarried and had two lovely kids but used to drive her hubby mad checking on them every night, checking that they were still breathing. She used to try and stay up most nights constantly walking from room to room, she also wouldn't let them out to play or go on trips with the school. This had been going on for 8yrs and she told me she had been to councelling twice over her anxiety but they hadn't been able to help her.:weep:

I went with her to our doctors and sat holding her hand while she told him all about her experience that night and how bad she had got with her fears for her kids. He arranged for councelling at our hospital and after 2yrs with a very understanding coucellor she was at long last able to relax and enjoy life with her family. I would say to you, to go and have a chat with your doctor and be totally honest with him/her and see if you can have some councelling to find out where your fear stems from and how to deal with it.:yesyes:

I wish you all the best, let us know how you get on, we are all here to offer you support.
:hugs: :hugs: to you.

Diane
'Remember, your imagination is always much worse than the reality'

[sheba2]

Hi fleur

I know exactly how you feel. I too have a 7 year old daughter and two older children a girl of 28 and a boy of 25. When the older two were little I worried but I would say it was a normal concern. With the little one I am so convinced that the world is a terrible place like you I wont let her out of my sight. I think what caused this for me is that my own anxiety levels have been pretty high since I had her. I worry because I am older 52 now whether I am going to be around for as long as she needs me. I also feel that it is like having an only child because of the age gap and therefore all my anxiety is about her. When she was born in 2001 it was the year of the two towers 911 incident. I can remember looking at her and thinking what a horrific world she has been born into. I am also acutely aware of any child abductions etc and the incident where the little girl was taken from the bath one christmas made me paranoid about checking that my daughter was in sight even at home.

I don't think there is an easy answer and counselling really helps me get my feelings into perspective. I have found that I have carried this fear of something bad going to happen since I was a young child myself. The world seems to be a very dangerous place. I make myself give my daughter some space. Not as much as her friends get but I now allow her to play in the garden with friends and I don't check too often where she is indoors. School trips used to be a nightmare for me so I had a word with her teacher and explained that I knew my concerns were extreme but could they just be aware of them. Just letting them know has made a difference to how I feel.

I have also had a lot of little chats with my daughter and explained that mummy's brain acts daft sometimes and makes me more scared than I need to be. But because of this I would like her help me by being aware and sensible. In the past she used to be frightened by my behaviour but since I have explained she is much happier and able to deal with things cos I expect one of your other worries is that you will end up causing her to be over anxious too.

Anyway I hope some of this helps if only to let you know that you are not the only one feeling like this. Take care

[marie1974]

i understand totally your worry for your daughter i am the same i have 2 boys 11 and 9 and a little girl of 4 and i know i am too protective over her cos she now at playgroup and starting school soon and she is so clingy (prob down to me) but i think we have to be extra careful in this world now and i dont let her out of my site. your worry is normal hun, we are caring parents and want to protect our kids from bad stuff while they still young.