killer dreams

[ade]

oh my........
ive been doing so well getting to work and planning to make it permanent ,i have a conditon management meeting coming up soon with the services.
then for a few days ive relapsed into thinking 'it never happened'(the abuse)
then the emphatic response from deep within me.
a series of execution nightmares,
i am in bed with an angel in the first one,and all seems wonderful.
then i look up,and the angel now has a burning skull and the forces of hell are being raped into me
i scream for mercy,which just increases the pain and torture
my throat is torn with the steel teeth that this creature now has and i die.
next night i am on television in an interview where the interviewer is a gang leader
and he starts to insult my beautiful wife ,calling her fat and ugly.i react like a flame thrower and scream abuse at him.
next i am being tortured ,the torturer gives me the chance to go free but only if i denounce my wife
no way.........so i am taken through ever more painful treatment until i finally break out and go for the torturer,
at which i am machine gunned dead.the next feeling is like a black consciousness 20 ft under the ground and a sense that
i am in hell.
i wake soaked in sweat and a heartrate that is painful,i stumble to my wife and sobb into her loving bosom
curled up like a baby begging for these nightmares to stop.she holds me and sends me to rest but i cant so i get up,
find clean clothes,pour down a cup of strong sweet coffee and 'escape'(thats how it feels) onto my motorbike and off to work
i had to drop in a form at the town hall and when i was handing it in i saw,and the woman there saw,my hands shaking
and asked me if i was ok.'yes' i said 'no' i felt.
im at work now and feel safe here because they are all so damn kind here bless them.
but i feel like i have been beaten to a pulp .
'someone take these dreams away' (joy division)
help me please folks,leave a kind word for me if you can i am shatterred and feel broken inside me
'too many secrets too many lies
we were writhing in hatred
too many secrets boy make it good tonight
but the same image haunts me
in sequence despair of time
i will never be clean again
ade (whats left of him)

[milly jones]

hugs hun

im so sorry

i have bad anx dreams but nothing like that. mine are humiliation and lack self confidence

but the end is the same. wringing clothes, bed sheets, fear and sobbing

my thought are with u hun

have u been gp re this?

i have meds that help reduce night pas and terrors

milly xx

[Franz]

Hi Ade. Obviously I can't do anything about the dreams but but my heart goes out to you. I hope you can take some comfort from what sounds like a good marriage, but I know it's not as simple as that.

I don't get many nightmares but some I've had have been similar to yours in tone. One time I met an bitter old man who told me I had the choice between drinking a potion, in which case I'd die, or not drinking it, in which case I was cursed to have my life ruined by a woman. God knows where that came from but it was horrible.

In other dreams I've been hiding from soldiers, and in others still I've been drafted into a war, knowing that I was going to be killed almost immediately and feeling desperate to get out of it and also feeling sick with the knowledge of my own cowardice for not being prepared to die for nothing. In one dream I was facing a firing squad; I said to the person next to me, "I wonder what dying feels like", and they said, "Unbearably painful" and then the soldiers fired and I felt a terrible stinging sensation all over my body and then I woke up.

Have also had dreams about the end of the world and sitting sobbing with my parents and brother. That was odd actually; it was awful but the feeling that we were at least "all going together" made it very moving, in fact almost unbearably so.

[Liverbird67]

I have had some weird and strange nightmares too, they are horrible aren't they, woke up heart pounding, sheets soaked with sweat etc etc. Just remember they are just bad dreams, don't be getting any peculiar ideas about omens, dreams coming true etc.

I had a bizarre one last week, panicked when waking from it, managed to get back to sleep and in the cold light of day realised it for what it was.
(that'll teach me to eat cheese on toast before going to bed!)

Dreams I think are your brains way of dealing with anxieties like the classic ones when you dream you are walking down the street naked etc.

Hope things work out for you soon.

Love

Debbie

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Gabby]

So much love to you ade xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
You dont deserve to go through such torture
Keep focussed on your girls and hopefully they can show you that there is still light in the world

Gabby
xxxxxxxxxx
:hugs: :hugs:

[SAMKIRMAN]

hi ade
want to let you know you in my thoughts and send you big hugs here if you ever want to talk i understand

[ade]

nightmares again
the end of everything.A nuclear weapon fired at children from behind.it was fired deliberately at children because the bearer of arms wanted willful destruction of innocence.Screaming looking for my babba,needing to find her and fearing she was dead.Eventually I found her tiny body covered in the mat she uses to paint on,
with an old sepia tone picture of my parents,she was dead and cold and i wept and wept for "my little turtle dove"
When i awakened from all this I found her merrily playing with her mum downstairs and I took her out to feed some duckies in the pouring rain.On the walk she turned and said "dad.........i love you".I felt like an emotionally armed guard.I had just seen her dead in my night terror and her beautiful existence felt even more precious.
the reality of the subject i had dreampt about was enforced when i steered megan away from the decaying stiff body of a rabbit,i was glad she didnt see it,
it was grim and too close to the bone for me.later remembered in the night terror,having to phone the ambulance to pick her up, I knew she was dead and that had to be recognised and honoured,but it felt like an unimaginably vast pain and was very hard having to ask for an ambulance when it was too late.
"a cry for help a hint of anaesthesia" in death she was perfect and beautiful and small and younger.All that.....but forever gone
ade heart broken open
nightmares again.....
car chase with huge black cars,one car containing a group of children.When we looked back from our car there were wheels lifted off the road and i was worried about their welfare.we came to a stop at a brick wall and I knew the other two cars had smashed into the house.When i looked both cars were flattened with no hope of any survivors.one had ploughed through a field like a plane would,with burnt blackened ground,the other was simply compressed as if it had been in a scrap yard.
one child had been thrown clear and remarkably had survived although i knew she was very disturbed and lonely as the sole survivor.there was a sense of grief almost too big to comprehend.other images were more usual for me,like trying to find a safe,lockable toilet for privacy.the thing that stayed with me was the way in which the cars had disintegrated and flattened.vey like the aeroplanes ripping into the twin towers,car bomb destruction.gone.no hope,just one lonely bewildered little child thrown clear and condemned to a life of terror,she had no way of making sense of her ordeal.

[milly jones]

just hugs ade

no words sorry

mill xxx

[WILLIAMthedude]

Ade, your nightmares are indeed disturbing . . . I can relate, I had disturbing dreams throughout a period in my life.

I reckon the best way to handle this is to make sure you are calm and relaxed before you hit they hay for the night., stay up till bout 2am watching funny TV programs or comedy movies. Do some positive research and assure yourself that all in the world is not bad, google pictures of beautiful landscapes or whatever it takes to reinforce that fact.

The unconscious mind can be a mine field for the supressed thoughts so talk some things out, write them down, write them down here . . .

You have control, just know that . . . this lack of it is the illusion.


All the best.

[ade]

thanks for your kind replies
the trouble for me is that these dreams are based on very traumatic real experiences i had as a child,this place isnt right to describe them,only their effects,what i witnessed and experienced will never leave me,nor should it....stay up til 2? you are kidding mate i have 2 kids who exhaust me by 9.30!!!! thanks for caring tho.i guess i have accepted that there is no cure for this,but expressing the dreams does help me to feel better about survivng them ,and survive i will,i know that the world is beautiful,i only have to look at my wife and children and our sweet lovely home life to see that,whilst i have been very disturbed,i self-identify as a happy man,scarred , but happy
ade x

[Lindalou64]

Hello Ade Im Sorry These Horrid Dreams Come To You Wish There Was Something I Could Do For You To Take These Away...you Are In My Thoughts And Try And Take Care Of Yaself....linda Xxxxxx

[Tweek]

Ade, sorry to hear about all that has happened to you. The fact you're still alaive and have had kids and found someone who loves you prove you are strong and a good person. Nobody can take that from you mate.

I have dreams about nukes and chemical weapon attacks and stuff and being on a sinking ship and trpped in the engine room filling with water as the ship rolls upside down on fire etc. ( I was in the RN, but not in a war. Very strange.) I wake up soaked though.

I woke up crying really hard once after a dream that I was a sniper in a war and I saw this enemy soldier running accross a field at the botom of the hill I was on, so I shot him. Then me and another soldier went dow to check his body etc and it was my little brother! I woke up in a mess mate, I'm telling you. It also changed me on a very fundamental level. Dreams are there for a reason and if you can beat things in dreams, where you are actually in another world, you can beat them here. Try and tell youself you are dreaming and then destroy the things attacking you or banish them, or if you're religious ask god to help you.

It's horrible but when you wake up and see your kids and wife and see how good your life is, you can use the dreams to make you stronger. Tel yourself that there's a balance in life between good and evil. Most of our lives are gray, but things happen in the black part and in the white part also.


I know I may have gone on a bit here, but I am trying to help mate. Hope I have in a small way.

Take it easy mate. Remember how good life is now. The past is gone.

[milly jones]

hi guys

i had rotten one last night again

not saying, but sending hugs

mill xxx