Jay21
09-07-08, 21:30
Right, sorry guys but im gonna have a bit of a vent here. Basically im 22, live in Surrey and have been suffering from Social anxiety and depression for about 7 years now. It's a bit strange because my S.A. came out of the blue really, i was really outgoing, and pretty confident but i when i started a new college i began to find it really hard to interact with people.
In a period of years four of my friends also passed away and i just began to think far to deepley about things. College went from bad to worse, i was smoking alot of hash(just seemed like a normal thing to do despite adding to the feelings of paranoia) and i just couldnt face classes. Due to my crap performance in college people started getting on my back, tutors, my parents but i can't really blame them for not understanding, as i cant really understand it myself. I quit college and have been through various jobs since but never really been able to commit to anything career wise.
To be honest it is starting to seriously p**s me off because im a really ambitious person, i want to earn decent money and help my parents out, they basically work every hour of thew day to pay bills but im stuck in a rut. I hate my job, but its convenient as its close to my home but i am completely exploited by my boss because i cant build up the confidence to do something about it. I am constantly in my own head, and am frankly s**t at social interaction because i cant stop worrying about things while having conversations etc..
The worst part about it is that i still go out with my friends all the time and do social thing but i hate having to force myself into these situations where i just feel so unatural. I just think that i must be doing it to keep up pretences and seem normal. The thing is with people of my age most social occassions seem to involve boose and after a couple of drinks i feel so perfectly relaxed can interact propaly and actually feel like the real me. Recently ive started relying on this now tho and always drink before going out.
Last year i met a girl that seemed perfect for me. She was funny, intelligent , beautiful and met me drunk so i made a pretty good impression. We went on holiday together began dating and for the first time i was with someone that i genuienly loved and apparently she loved me to. Unfortunately i just couldnt open up and truely relax and couldnt get rid of the immense fear and dread i felt permenantley in my head. Due to this we broke up late last year which i was gutted about as i felt i really had so much to offer and i know there was something special there.
Every bloody day is a struggle and i just wanna live a normal life without constantly worrying about stuff. I put alot of pressure on myself because i dont want to waste my life and wanna be successful and proud of my achievements. However this anxiety is holding me back so much i sometimes doubt if i will ever get rid of it. I just constantlly feel physically and mentally drained.
Okay ive rambled on for ages now, but it sure is nice to get it of my chest as i dont have anyone to talk to. I would really appreciate any advice anyone can give me and i despite all the whinging ive been doing for the last half an hour, i know in my heart of hearts that i and all you other people suffering can get through our problems with each others support.
Much Love, Jay
In a period of years four of my friends also passed away and i just began to think far to deepley about things. College went from bad to worse, i was smoking alot of hash(just seemed like a normal thing to do despite adding to the feelings of paranoia) and i just couldnt face classes. Due to my crap performance in college people started getting on my back, tutors, my parents but i can't really blame them for not understanding, as i cant really understand it myself. I quit college and have been through various jobs since but never really been able to commit to anything career wise.
To be honest it is starting to seriously p**s me off because im a really ambitious person, i want to earn decent money and help my parents out, they basically work every hour of thew day to pay bills but im stuck in a rut. I hate my job, but its convenient as its close to my home but i am completely exploited by my boss because i cant build up the confidence to do something about it. I am constantly in my own head, and am frankly s**t at social interaction because i cant stop worrying about things while having conversations etc..
The worst part about it is that i still go out with my friends all the time and do social thing but i hate having to force myself into these situations where i just feel so unatural. I just think that i must be doing it to keep up pretences and seem normal. The thing is with people of my age most social occassions seem to involve boose and after a couple of drinks i feel so perfectly relaxed can interact propaly and actually feel like the real me. Recently ive started relying on this now tho and always drink before going out.
Last year i met a girl that seemed perfect for me. She was funny, intelligent , beautiful and met me drunk so i made a pretty good impression. We went on holiday together began dating and for the first time i was with someone that i genuienly loved and apparently she loved me to. Unfortunately i just couldnt open up and truely relax and couldnt get rid of the immense fear and dread i felt permenantley in my head. Due to this we broke up late last year which i was gutted about as i felt i really had so much to offer and i know there was something special there.
Every bloody day is a struggle and i just wanna live a normal life without constantly worrying about stuff. I put alot of pressure on myself because i dont want to waste my life and wanna be successful and proud of my achievements. However this anxiety is holding me back so much i sometimes doubt if i will ever get rid of it. I just constantlly feel physically and mentally drained.
Okay ive rambled on for ages now, but it sure is nice to get it of my chest as i dont have anyone to talk to. I would really appreciate any advice anyone can give me and i despite all the whinging ive been doing for the last half an hour, i know in my heart of hearts that i and all you other people suffering can get through our problems with each others support.
Much Love, Jay