why?

[milly jones]

can u please help?

why do i feel so vulnerable?

why do i test ppls friendship?

why do i push ppl away when they get close to me?

why do i try and run away and hide?

why cant i face people when i fear something bad is going to happen?

why would i rather do without than have friends then lose them?

i want to live so badly but the demons keep returning and doubt myself.

my head tells me that im going to get hurt so run whilst the goings good

when will i be able to believe in myself?

i seem to spend my days feeling high and happy, or down low tearful and unable to cope with life. this rollercoaster can change within the hour, why?

why cant i just be normal, steady, flat, like i used to be?

this isnt anxiety, its not social phobia, what is it please?

milly xx :unsure:

[marie1974]

u have a big protection around u hun to stop people hurting u and getting too close, there is nothing wrong with this but at the same time we have to learn to trust a few people in out lives cos not everyone is bad. the not facing people incase something bad will happen is your fear of unknown and u have this huge body armour that is protecting u but at same time causing u alot of uncomfort and it needs taking off and hanging up hun. mayb finding another therapist may help u, sometimes once we realise why we are like the way we are we are then able to deal with them things and put them to rest and move on. you are so lovely milly and i hope u r able to get some help so u can understand why u feel like u do and so u can be happy and enjoy life cos u deserve that hun hugs xxxx

[Cathy V]

can u please help?

why do i feel so vulnerable?

why do i test ppls friendship?

why do i push ppl away when they get close to me?

why do i try and run away and hide?

why cant i face people when i fear something bad is going to happen?

why would i rather do without than have friends then lose them?

i want to live so badly but the demons keep returning and doubt myself.

my head tells me that im going to get hurt so run whilst the goings good

when will i be able to believe in myself?

i seem to spend my days feeling high and happy, or down low tearful and unable to cope with life. this rollercoaster can change within the hour, why?

why cant i just be normal, steady, flat, like i used to be?

this isnt anxiety, its not social phobia, what is it please?

milly xx :unsure:


Hey mill, youve been hurt in the past and dont wanna be hurt no more. Its easier for you to close the door than open it wide. Its you trying to protect yourself coz theres only you that can. Being alone with all of this crap makes you vunerable one day and strong the next. But the balance will come together one day...promise. Anyway, who wants to have a steady flat milly? not me for one, we all love ya just the way you are. You're doing great mill, believe it. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Might even send you two hugs :ohmy:

cathy xxxxxxx :hugs: :hugs:

[marie1974]

its very sad isnt it cos i have suffered alot of anger and upset and i wanted really was someone to hug me and tell me it will be ok and actually mean it. i never had that and luckily for me now my hubby is alot more loving now he realises how important feeling needed and wanted meant to me xx

[JoT]

Hi Milly

I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad, how long have you been feeling like this?

I don't mean to sound cliche but have you been hurt a lot in the past, so you are protecting yourself? This is a totally understandable reaction to past hurts, it is also something that you may need counselling for if it is has been going on for a long time and it is making you depressed.

If you want to talk some more you can send me a PM anytime.

Take care
Jo x

[Cathy V]

....and that Donna always has to get in there before me dont she? Bleedin suvverners, what can yer do eh? :noangel:

[marie1974]

:D sorry, us londoners can be abit pushy hehexxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:

[milly jones]

lol cath

ty donna

cheers jo

i just want to try and understand myself more

guess counselling is opening deep hidden wounds that i have to face.

thank you my good friends, i know i can depend on ur support and rational answers

mill xxx

[marie1974]

hi mil counselling is scary when u have to dig deep but it really is the best thing, being completely honest as hard as it is and dealing with each issue. you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders after hun, although mentally tired to begin with it will really help u. please try and have a go cos u will get that happy carefree life u so desperatly need hugs xxxx

[JoT]

Hi Milly, I can understand why you would be afraid of counselling if there are things you are trying to forget, but as donna says - you have to deal with your issues to be able to move on.

It will be hard to face up to at first but with a gentle, caring counsellor, patience, strength and positivity, you can get through it and you can have a happy life.

Hugs
Jo x

[lilly-lou]

hi milly,

I am sure the reason why you act the way you do is because people have hurt you in the past so the easiest way to prevent this from happening to you again is to push them away before they get the chance to hurt you. I do this and I shut myself away from the world to protect myself from the hurt that I have felt in the past, I even do it to my hubby so that if he does leave it won't hurt so much.

I totally understand all that you have wrote as this is how I feel.

Big hugs for you Milly :bighug1:

lilly-lou

[laurap]

hi jo just read your dariy i can agree with everything you have said can you give me any advice My name is laura and i have 3 kids and i am 30 years old i have had anxiety for 6 months now and i have tried concelling can you help

[JoT]

Hi Laura, I'm happy to help in any way I can - you can get through this.
I'll send you a PM.

Take care
Jo :hugs:



hi jo just read your dariy i can agree with everything you have said can you give me any advice My name is laura and i have 3 kids and i am 30 years old i have had anxiety for 6 months now and i have tried concelling can you help

[milly jones]

hi laura

hope jo can help u find some answers hunny

were all here to help each other

thanks guys

milly xxx

[popsy]

:bighug1: I love you Milly exactly the way you are! :flowers:
You are doing so well, just keep going at your own speed, we can see how far you have moved forward but its harder to see it in yourself, trust me the progress you have made recently is fantastic, baby steps remember all the way, you'll get there, you're so near but cant see it yet!
C xxxx

[diane07]

milly my dear friend,
you don't push people away hun, we all love you for the way you are, the sad part is the consequences of other peoples behaviour have scarred you slightly and time is a great healer, you have a wound, and it will heal with time. please don't be too hard on yourself, you have to learn to love yourself before you can love others, you have been doing so well and you should praise yourself. You have been my tower of strength, my rock, my angel and i don't know how i would have got through the last 3 months without you, so now its millys turn.

You have more friends than you think hun, and i for one love the bones of you.
come on mill, dust yourself down and we'll beat these demons together

Di xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Hope 2]

Hi Milly

Bless you. I often read yr threads and see a fair few similarities we share. I just never know wot to say especially as you got so many mates here. But what Diane said brought a lump to me throat, I am so so glad that there are some people in this world that really care about others. You and others show such care on here, this site has benefited cos of it.

I often sense your pain and trauma inside, and like others said, counselling is the way to go. And you know what......that in itself is a tremendous achievement.......you are SO brave to start opening up. Like others I have demons that I can't talk about, they haunt me when I am vulnerable. My point is you r doing something not everyone can and flippin well done ok!! Listen me taking over :blush: sorry.

Hugs for everyone esp Milly and Diane
Love Hope xx

[Cathy V]

...and i was gonna say all that too....so, yeah...:noangel: xxxx

[Cathy V]

...but a big piece of yummy cake is better then any therapy innit?

[marie1974]

and me mills too, me and miss hard women cathy who luvs a hug really both think u brill xxxxxxxxxxx ps imagine us 3 at the nmp disco doing the conga with wayne following hehe

[milly jones]

di u know ive pmed u hunny, u know what i think of u my bessy nmp mate, ty

hope ur such a support too hunny, ty

if u ever need me im here, xx

cath, u and me have such laughs ty too, cant wait till meet lol xx

[Cathy V]

Donna...i do not, do not, do not love hugs ok? (well, maybe just one..guwonthen) xxxxxx

[milly jones]

and donna too u sneaked in lol, we will get wayne up dancing whatever lol

[milly jones]

hey cath if donnas allowed me too lol

[marie1974]

cheers milly u too and u can pm me anytime and cathy well u know i luvs u hun anyway and mm shall i send u a hug, well mayb just one hehe xxxx

[milly jones]

donna where u live hunny?

[marie1974]

:grouphug: group hug i reckon for us and wayne too xx

[marie1974]

gloucestershire s w

[Cathy V]

Bless you, where would i be without you..night night (we're ahead by one hour here so i feel like Cinderella every night!)

Catchaa all tomorrow xxxxxx

[marie1974]

night night hun xxxxxxxx

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

I aint gonna dance!!!!!

I would rather stab my eyeball with a black and decker drill! :yahoo:

[Cathy V]

Glousesesestershire! so you aint no savvener then? your accent...it be abit ciderrr country then? oo-arrrr!

[marie1974]

no im orinally from london moved here few years back haha

[Cathy V]

Oh i see. i think gloucestershire is a lovely county, second only to shropshire...which is where my dad came from and where me and my bro spent wonderful summers as kids. xxxxx

[marie1974]

sounds lovely cathy and yes it is lovely here it feels right, london is so busy couldnt live back there now

[milly jones]

too far to come for coffee then donna, shame u could have joined cath and i lol.

wayne u chicken lol, hokey cokey wont hurt u lol

[Cathy V]

Yes mill, hope we can still do that coffee. I fly back to Birmingham next tues 22nd, and will have a few days with daughter in stafford (where im also hoping to meet up wth GrannyPrimark lynn as she lives in stoke and comes into stafford sometimes to shop) then on to llandudno sunday 27th until sat/sun 8th 9th august.

Until i go to llandudno, i can still access nmp on my daughters computer in stafford, but after that my use might be limited. So if we can arrange a day and time etc before i fly next week, or the latest before i travel over to wales that would be great. and if at any point you dont think you can make it mill, dont worry ok? but i'll pm you with my mob.no... so we can still keep in touch.

Cathy xxxx :D

[Cathy V]

....and donna, it would be really good to meet you one day. Maybe we can all get together in Butlins for a weekend sometime. We'll hire the whole place just for an nmp weekend! (well they do things like that in america for little people and stuff dont they)

Cathy xxx :flowers:

[marie1974]

hey wot a brill idea hehe wouldnt it be fun and would be lovely to meet u and milly. dont make wayne dance mil as he gonna hack his eyes out he reckons hehehe if u make him

[Hope 2]

Eeeeeeeeeye Butlins ...........that teks me back ............me first holiday on my 'own', me and a chum struttin our stuff back in the late 80's :blush: lol. I was in LOVE with the drummer of the band that did a turn every night, he looked like one of the Duran Duran boys, I still have his photo pmsl.....happy days.....:yahoo:

Cheerio
Hope xx

[marie1974]

hahaha hope can just see u struttin your stuff hun in butlins, i was strutting mine not long back u know too, very embarrassing im sure. nmp get together in butlins i can see it now all doing the conga. hugs xxxxxxx

[milly jones]

id love nmp weekend in centre parcs, lol

i like the woods lol

or what about camping / caravanning weekend?

gom on donna u organise lol well come

then we can get wayne congaing lol

[marie1974]

LOL i can see it now poor wayne wouldnt stand a chance with aload of hyperactive conga dancin women from nmp he would run for cover haha.

[Cathy V]

Sounds good to me girls...

Wayne can ask katie if shes up for it too?

Hope, my first hol on my own was when i was 17 and me and my mate went to Butlins in Pwhelli...Pathelli...Purrelli...in N.Wales, and we thought we were so cool! this was waaaaaay back in 1970. She was tall and slim and blonde, and i was just tall, but one night in the disco 2 lads came over for a dance and i got the goodlooking one for a change and may mate sulked for the rest of the holiday! ahhh happy daze...xxxxxx

[Dr Kong, AKA Wayne]

LOL
You lot don't sound anxious to me! :D

[milly jones]

were not when were together in nmp, thats the brill thing hunny, im me lol

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[marie1974]

hey hark at us we all sound like a load of brazen hussies LOL anxiety us naaaa

[milly jones]

nmp is our escape from reality

our virtual world where anx does not exist, only friendship and support lol

[marie1974]

yes milly brilliant isnt it hehe hugs xxxx

[Hope 2]

Hey Guys

Yeah Cathy innit brill when, just for once you get a look in with the boys over a mate, thats why we remember it so well eh :ohmy: lol.

Donna wot d'yah mean, 'sound like.....' pmsl

laters
Hope xx

[milly jones]

funy how this started of in the depths of despair and has ended up with mates having a giggle

thanks guys xxxx

[marie1974]

haha it has gone off track abit hasnt it but i hope our little giggle we all have has made u feel better hun xxxxx

[milly jones]

yes hun, my downs are usually getting over by the time i feel ready to post and then with all ur help dont last much longer

diolch yn fawr

mills xx