View Full Version : Question for those with SA
Hello,
Just interested to know, do you know why you started suffering with SA? What was your upbringing like -childhood and what not? or was there a certain situation that started SA? or do you just think you're someone who just has it?
hi i had parents who always were worried wot people thought and wot they saw etc and would people disaprove etc so i grew up in that kind of household, also my parents were very cold emotionally and my mum was always busy and stressed. dad was oldfashioned and i never really bonded with him, so i guess it came from that and a mixture of other stuff too. i started getting it worse when i was around 16 and up until recently always tried extra hard to make people like me and worried about wot they thought f me and do i seem silly, weird etc and avoided a lot of situations. i dont like crowded areas anymore with lots of people and feel uncomfortable like people looking at me when they not. cbt has taught me alot though i recommend it
milly jones
10-07-08, 17:33
hi hun
my dad was agora and was low loads but kept going to work.
when he used to come in at night he would often 'ignore' me. i thought this was always my fault.
i used to try and talk to him to get his attention.
i was always labelled a chatterbox.
for some reason after my breakdown these feelings of worthlessness reappeared and i found it impossible to talk to ppl in a relaxed way.
i would always check that id not said anything to upset them. it got to the point where i couldnt go out incase a neighbour made eye contact. i couldnt eat or drink in publics, visit shops etc.
my sa stemmed from my childhood but the pressure of work appears to have triggered strong emotions that have left me with no self confidence.
however with help from docs, hosp, and nmp things are slowly starting to come back.
i made my first video call today on msn, a huge step for me to let someone see me in my safe zone.
so for me its a combination of genetics, childhood and a triggered pressure situation
milly xx
Hiya,
For me it started when I was bullied at School, not constant bullying but the odd remark every now and then about the way I look, I'm having CBT at the moment, its made me realize the bullying is what caused it as the feelings of humiliation I felt back then, I'm worried I will feel again if I speak up in front of a group (haven't done this for about 12 years now, and only just realizing how much this has held me back in my life, work, making friends etc). CBT has been quite an eye opener for me now, my attitude now is those people that bullied me at School have held me back for way too long, its time to start being myself again:)
break_myself
10-07-08, 21:49
I wasn't necessarily bullied at school but there were remarks and namecalling, and I was never very popular, so I never had much confidence. It's never improved since school, I'm still always worrying about how I look and what people think of me, and it didn't help when I developed acne a couple of years ago. Now my confidence has hit rockbottom.
milly jones
10-07-08, 22:15
btw i forgot to say when i was well i was 16 stone size 26 and apparently happy.
after breakdown lost 6 stone and now size 14.
look and feel much healthier but got no confidence at all. i still feel fat inside and think ppl see me as that.
wish i was big and happy again
u cant win can u?
i think ppl judge me no matter what i look like or what i say
i hate talking to ppl now in social situations whereas i was the life and soul of the party before
strange hey
milly xx
break_myself
10-07-08, 22:20
btw i forgot to say when i was well i was 16 stone size 26 and apparently happy.
after breakdown lost 6 stone and now size 14.
look and feel much healthier but got no confidence at all. i still feel fat inside and think ppl see me as that.
wish i was big and happy again
u cant win can u?
i think ppl judge me no matter what i look like or what i say
i hate talking to ppl now in social situations whereas i was the life and soul of the party before
strange hey
milly xx
You really can't win! My acne has now cleared up pretty well, thanks to Dianette, yet I still have no confidence, and can't be happy with having clear skin for now because I know I will have to come off the pill soon and my acne will return. Even when it started to clear up I began being unhappy with another aspect of my looks, and another...and another. It never ends.
I dont think you can win, when I first suffered from anxiety my weight went down to 6 3/4 stone and a size 6 was too big for me, everybody around me just couldn't keep quiet about how thin I was and guessing at what the problem was even spreading rumours that I had an eating disorder which I didn't, I have always had S.A. but when I was that thin it got much worse, I am now back up to a healthy size 12 but am still struggling with S.A that seems to be a lot worse than when I was thin, I guess all the mean comments I had threw at me have stuck inside my head.
lilly-lou
I am a very socially anxious person but it comes out as over-confidence - I suppose I overcompensate for my secret shyness. People are very surprised if they discover how I really feel inside. When I am going through an anxious phase like I am now, I have started to become agoraphobic (which didn't happen before)
My parent were very young when I was born, my mum was 17 - dad was 21. Despite being so young she was a great mum, my dad was just 'there' he's wasn't very proactive in my upbringing. I was a very anxious, clingy child, but my brother was the opposite so I don't think my upbringing is the reason for my anxiety. I used to worry that my mum would not be there when I got home from school and I was terrified a lot of the time when i was small.
As a teenager I became more confident and had a lot of friends, but I did still suffer with anxiety often - usually health related, I always thought there was something wrong with my eyes and then it moved on to fear of vomiting.
I discovered recently that my dad also suffered with anxiety and agoraphobia when I was younger (which kind of explains his distance, when we were growing up - but I didn't understand at the time). He is a great support to me now and totally understands what I am going through.
So in short, I don't think that my upbringing or school life has made me anxious, in my case I think it is an oversensitive, overimaginitive personality and very likely to be genetic as other family members (on both sides) suffer from anxiety related issues too. Just have to live with it and accept it I suppose :)
milly jones
11-07-08, 15:11
i had hosp visit yest.
we were talking about where my sa comes from.
i talked about how i didnt want to 'blame' my parents for it, but explain to them why i felt so bad.
my doc said think of a baby in a neonatal unit. she might have loads injections and develop a real fear and emotional problems cos of it. but its not abuse its trying to help her. however the child does not know this, its the feelings and emotions that are stored in the child's mind that may haunt her in later life.
nobody intended me to have sa. its just a store of memories that i have to discover and deal with to get better.
i had a very frank discussion with my dad this morning about this. i do want to be honest with my parents, i want them to know how im feeling. but i also need to ensure that they realise i dont blame them for this. its just happened.
when i first had my breakdown, and i realised that my past had contributed to it, i went thru a very angry period when i did blame my parents. however i now realise that expectations at school and attitudes at home were just parents wanting the best from their child, just as i do with my son.
i do ensure however that my son realises that my illness is not because of him and his exhuberance, although it does intensify my anx. i ensure that he knows hes loved and that im proud of him.
its hard when hes chattering away and i need peace. his school report mentioned chatterbox, as did mine when i was small. i never mentioned this, would hate him to ever find talking difficult as i do.
i like my parents did can only do my best
milly xx
Wow, I've found this so interesting to read! Thanx for your replies and please everyone keep them coming! I realise SA can be down to many things but also reading about distant fathers, bullies at school, the way some of us look, all of these things I feel have made me who I am, and to see you have been through them too and feel the same helps me realise why I am like I am. I don't want to say it was all down to my parents but sometimes I do, don't get me wrong when they were good parents they were GOOD parents but they also have messed up big time which has messed me up I guess. I'm interested to see some of you see docs about your SA how did you come about doing this? and is it really helping??
Break_myself - I used to have quite bad acne when I was younger it used to really get me down and i'd try and hide my face all the time. I was put on medication for it from the docs and it got a lot better and when they took me off it didn't come back. I still get the odd spot but it don't bother me now as i'd prefer the one to all the others I had. So you should be fine if you have to come off the meds!
I noticed some of you mentioned weight too. I don't think you can win either way! I'm really skinny and can't put weight on and I hate it! I'd love nothing more to be a healthy size!! I bet you look amazing!
milly jones
11-07-08, 18:47
i was referred by my gp for specialist help to community mental health team, first access, who delivered my cbt.
when i was continuing having problems i was referred to consultant psychiatrist first the consultant psychologist to deliver therapy and try differnt medication.
im really lucky i know cos my service from the nhs is brilliant. ive never had to wait for sessions and the professionals have always been most helpful and effective.
the sa side of all this only came about after a diagnosis of gad and depression as well
milly xx
its so funny isnt it how we all hate our weight whether we are big or small, i used to be perfectly happy as a size 12 and then i went down to an 8-10 and thought brilliant but no i still wasnt happy i wanted to be just an 8 no 10's hehe and now well i am no happier really always worrying incase i put on weight but i shouldnt care really aslong as i healthy. i was lucky at school with my skin but had friends with acne and i know they suffered, but the thing is these days its worse, my son is 11 and gets bullied for being good and sensible and doing his work cos he wants to do well and this has made him anxious for secondary school in september. what is this world coming too i can so see why so mant people suffer anxiety related problems
Mine started because of my childhood. I'm quite convinced of that. My Dad was a policeman who didn't deal with the job well - it turned him into an aggressive, prejudiced and violent person. Couples didn't split like they do these days and he kept the whole family in fear. I often wonder how things would have been if my Mum had taken us away.
Being afraid of his punishments for even minor misbehavior taught me to hide away whenever possible and fear authority.
That made me quiet at school which meant I was a target for the bullies.
I didn't have anywhere safe where I could trust people and the social anxiety started from there.
Probably the worst thing for me is that mealtimes were often times for criticism and worse. Even now I get nervous and shaky eating and drinking around most people.
worriedGrace
23-07-08, 16:06
My mother was very shy and told me that I was as well so that's how I behaved. Both parents worried about what other people thought of us and I was not encouraged to bring friends home. I was bullied at primary school but my parents were too scared to do anything about it.I was highly strung and frightened of every thing but on the other hand I loved being in plays and singing in public. Luckily I seem to have broken the cycle and produced three children who are extremely confident and quite unlike me!
I think social confidence is partly due to genetics but mostly to do with your childhood. Children learn all sorts of skills while growing up, with social interactivity being one of the most important. If you have lot's of brothers to practice your skills on, then you should be very confident with men when an adult. The same goes for having lots of sister too. I have no brothers, but three sisters, so I feel more comfortable with women than I do men.
Tom
Yeah it seems a lot is down to childhood. I was really glad to hear what you said Grace about your children being different and breaking the cycle. I always worried that I would have children and I would rub off on them and that would be it, but hearing it doesn't have to be that way as yours are confident fills me with a lot more hope! I imagine it would be down to a safe secure home and good encouraging parents - which not a lot of children get! For those of you who had problems with parents in childhood and stuff how does that make you feel about them now? (If you are willing to share that is!) Do you feel bitter towards them or do you just get on with it and think they done the best they could?
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