Old Folk

[Dave777]

Hi all,

Phew, this is a tough one.
Dad and Stepmum are getting old and frail.
They recently had a bad car accident which they survived with only bruises.
This has escalated an ongoing problem.

They seem unable to get themselves organised, the more I do the more they seem prepared to let me do.
Dad has now given up driving but has made no plans to organize shopping.

My step sister and step brother live in the same Town as them but I'm 40 miles away. We have never been in regular contact.

How can you motivate old folk that are in an endless muddle and becoming unable to cope with everyday life ?

[Cathy V]

Hi Dave...long time no see. Sorry to hear about your situation with the old folk. Is it possible to call in the help of social services? they have home help teams and there is actually a 'shopper' person who will do all of that. Not sure if they charge a small fee but might be worth looking into. Bit mean of your step family not to help a bit more tho...happy families eh?

Best wishes
Cathy xxx

[ksmith]

I'm in similar situation. Get adult social services around to do an assessment. You can access services from there. Unfortunately my parents wouldn't have social services in (they're old fashioned and see them as only being there for 'bad' families). So ..... I have to drive 70 odd miles a few times a week, take time off my job unpaid etc. Can't you get your siblings to do a bit more? Perhaps you could take them for the odd weekend?

Kay x

[milly jones]

for food and stuff could u set up weekly tesco delivery to them on net? just a suggestion then they will get food regularly.
i set one up for my mum and manage it for them.

think u also need to drop big hints to stepfamily too.

milly xxxxxxxxxxx

[Dave777]

Hi Cathy and Kay.

Same here Kay, they block every move to organize things.
It's like talking to a child, they are very much against Social Services.
Not sure where this is going but I'm not prepared to give up all my weekends.

[Dave777]

Hi Milly, I have been trying to get them to do online shopping.
They can't seem to take on anything new!?:shrug:

Step family are doing lots but it never seems to be enough according to dad.

[jill]

Hi Dave, :D:hugs:

Yes, hun, this is defo a hard one if your Dad and step Mum will not have any help from the social services.

I used to work with old folk and yes, they do become child like, there minds do not fuction and proccess things as well as they used to.

Hun, don't be to hard on yourself, you have to find positive pathways forward for yourself, you know you will do all you can to help them. You can only do so much, with living so far away. Talk to Dad and family memebers who live close and plane the days you will go down to give other family memebers a break. I can understand how you don't want to give all your weekends up, its up to you just how much time you wish to spend hun :hugs:

There is a thing called help the aged, they can get people in to do, just the shopping, my sis uesed to do this for a couple of elderly people, just do there shopping.

It is dame hard for elderly letting a stranger into there home, they are so used to doing things on there own and they do try and stay independent, it comes with time and a little prompting from close family, to help them, understand that a little help, is a good thing.

I do hope you get things sorted Dave,


You take care


LOVE JILLXXX

[milly jones]

get them to make a list hun

then order it to be delivered to their house

they dont even have to touch the computer

u can manage any changes weekly for them

all they have to do is be in for the delivery hun

[Dave777]

Thanks Jill and Milly.

They really are getting me stressed, when I calm down I'll make a few plans to relieve the situation.
Old age, who needs it? ...... me I'm just a Spring chicken ! lol:emot-pinochio:

Hey Jill, hope you are fine?x

[jill]

Hi Dave,

If its getting your really stressed you NEED to stand back with your mind and forget it for a few days, give your mind a rest from trying to sort this situation out. If your stress levels are high your mind may go all negative and you will not be able to think right, (think positively)

When you have calmed down, then I feel, you will know what to do, I know you will hun.

I am doing, very, very well, thank you soo much for asking.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXX

[decca]

Give Age Concern a call, find your nearest one here http://www.ageconcern.org.uk/AgeConcern/local.asp
They will arrange for some one to visit them to firstly make sure they are getting all the state benefits they are entitled to Attendance allowance, care allowance etc. this will then lead on to other things like shoppers,meals on wheels etc.
But you yourself must try and stand back from it all for a while, I remember it can weigh very heavy and won't do you any good at all.
Unintentionally older people tend to become very selfish and demand more of your time and attention so you must be selfish to in order to look after yourself.
Best wishes
Decca

[Bill]

One additional thought is that there are voluntary care groups being set up around the country. These provide volunteers who will help with shopping, visits, taking people to appointments etc. As far as I know there's no charge and it's just donations.

It isn't fair to expect you to travel 40 miles every weekend when there are ways of helping themselves. My mother wouldn't expect any of her family to do that for her.

[Dave777]

Thanks guys, I'm off on another visit today but I'll have a break next weekend.
I'm hoping to make progress with getting them to accept support other than family.

[Hope 2]

Hey Dave

Good luck with the folks, sounds like yah might need it even for u the sweet talker :ohmy: ha ha.

Toodle pip
Luv Hope xx

[Dave777]

Hi all, I drove the 40miles to visit dad and stepmum, opened the door to find her sobbing, dad was panicky ...... but hey it got better..... tough times....thanks for listening:hugs:

[Hope 2]

Hi again mate

Listen I am sorry for being insensitive with making a joke, I was and am genuinely concerned for you and yr folks :blush: . I hope I haven't upset you.

I am always here for a natter just give me a shout hun ok.

Take care
luv Hope xx

[Dave777]

Dearest Hope, hey, you put a smile on my face, stick around, I need mates like you ! :hugs: chat soon I hope.

[Hope 2]

Hey Dave

Glad I aint offended thee oh dear one tee hee I gets all worked up or newt eh. Thanks tho matey xx
And it's good to see yah back around I ave missed yr mad daftness big time :shades: .

Cheerio
Luv Hope xx

[Dave777]

Hi Hope, would I be heading in the right direction if I thought you could be a Yorkshire Lass? :yesyes: xx

as in...Nowt (Nothing) pronounced like nout or Noat (IPA: /naʊt/)

[Hope 2]

Ey up cocker !!

I is a Lancashire Lass me luvely and proud of it :yesyes: .
So tha was pretty close he he.

ta rah
Hope xx

I am off for some tripe and chips now :emot-puke: not.