PDA

View Full Version : Are We Wallowing in it?



uryjm
26-11-03, 00:31
I'm glad, after twenty years of anxiety, to have found this forum, but does anyone else find that after a while it kind of grinds you down? It's one tale of woe after another, and all too familiar to many of us. Worse, I'm often at a loss as to what to say to those going through the trauma without sounding callous. "Deal with it", "It won't kill you", "Maybe this is as good as it gets", "Get a grip on your life" - I know this is the last thing people want to hear. Or is it? Are some of us wallowing in it for whatever reason? (I sometimes think I'm punishing myself for something, if only I could work out what it is!)I've just noticed there's only two posts under "Success Stories", which is not too positive either. I'd be interested in other people's thoughts on this - do we all need to be told to get a grip (before, of course, being given some constructive advice on how to do it?!)

Jim

Laurie28
26-11-03, 11:04
Jim,

I agree with you to a certain extent. Which is why I asked Nic to add the successs stories to lift everyones spirits. You have to remember success stories has only been there a couple of days(I am intending to put in a 'positive' update soon. Sometimes people need to get things of their chest without people putting them down though (we have all been there!!) I think the only person you are going to listen to, to pull yourself together is yourself I know I feel that way!!

nothing wrong with contructive advice

Kepp Positive Jim and take care

Love
lucky

Lottie32
26-11-03, 11:18
Jim

You are right to an extent, but suggest you read further. There may not be any extreme positive outcome stories - I never left the house, now I'm a long haul pilot, but if you look closely, you will find lots of little ones (me managing the dentist). If you have every had CBT or similar, you will know that its positive little steps that lead to bigger strides!!!

Also, people only tend to use these sort of sites when they need help, and are therefore not feeling too good. It wouldn't be much use if you logged on and there were just fifty messages from annoying types, all writing about how much better they were feeling and how much they were enjoying life. You'd really feel a failure then, and quite likely have desires to top yourself!!!

So please don't knock us, we do try to be positive, and get better by taking advice from those that have been there, which is why so many topics can start, when I was suffering I took 300 propanol a day .... The key word here being "when I was".


Charlie

Jo
26-11-03, 11:45
Hi Jim - this forumn, for me, is a support network! By reading other people's comments, it just reinforces, to me, that anxiety/panic is a common problem - young/old, male/female, and so forth.

I do not agree that phrases like: "Deal with it", "It won't kill you" or "Get a grip on your life", are constructive pieces of advise - totally insensitive more like!

Whilst there may be only two success stories Jim, it is encouraging to know that individuals can and do recover, with time. Maybe I should add myself to that list, because I have been free from panic attacks and medication for 6 months now, with the support of family/partner and of course, this wonderful site and people.

Kinds regards

Jo

Lottie32
26-11-03, 12:32
Well done Jo!!!

I actually find it comforting and positive to know I'm not the only mad person around.

Before I discovered this site, I really thought I was mentally ill (as opposed to just mental!)

I've started to feel a lot more positive, purely by knowing that there are people out there who suffer, and they still work/raise families/go on holiday etc. That means if they can do it, so can I!!!

The success stories have only been there for a day or two. I have never found the site negative. If you read Nicolas story, then realise what she has achieved, then that is a success already!

More importantly, this site is and excellent source of support. Even the most caring partner/parent/friend can only go so far to understanding - unless you've been there themselves, so it's nice to know there are people out there who are rooting for you, and can actually be 100% empathetic when you say you have spent one hour in the bathroom because you are going out for supper with your mates! Your mates may be 100% sympathetic, but I'm sure deep down, as much as mine love me, they still think I'm a bit mad, cos after all, I'm only going one mile down the road to sit in the local and eat a giant yorkshire pudding, stuffed with sausages. Not scary at all really. If you're normal. But if I say I've done it, then I get a well done from those on this site.

I'm still smiling when I think about the nice comments I got when I faced ordeal by dentist chair. And next time I go, it will be easier to cope with, cos I know Nic, Twister, Meg and the rest are right there behind me.

Giving support to people like Maria and Alice is also a positive experience, and makes you realise how far you've come.

So a big thank you to everybody who has bothered to "reply" to me, and particularly those who shared the dentists chair with me!!!!

Love

Charlie

Rache
26-11-03, 13:17
I would like to say that i have had a grip of my life for 35 years.I have always got on with it even watching my son who is disabled go through two magor spinal operations.It is only recently that i have short circuited a fuse somewhere.Its very true there is only so much friends and family can take and like me there are a lot of folk out there who dont wallow but just get on with it.Perhaps that is the problem.Nobody feels able to talk for fear of others making judgement or even more important nobody has the energy to listen.This website is excellent for listening and talking with no pressure to explain yourself.Many thanks.

Rachel

nomorepanic
26-11-03, 15:33
I added the Success Stories topic just a couple of days ago after Lucky suggested it (great idea by the way). There are success stories hidden in all the topics but it can be a hard trawl and a lot of heading.

The dentist visit was very funny - we had to laugh along with Charlie cos of the way she wrote it - for those that haven't read it then go to "Symptoms" and then "Does this sound like anxiety?"

I don't think Jim was saying that the forum is depressing but that you can find yourself repeating the same advice over and over again and want to say "sort your life out". Not possible of course but I can see what he is trying to say.

Thanks for the kind words Charlie - glad you are being helped here.

Onwards and upwards eh peeps!!


Nicola

Laurie28
26-11-03, 15:38
Hiya All,

Just read Charlies dentist clip and was chuckling away to myself.

Of the posts flying about this morning I've noticed Charlie has a great imagination and way with words - Go Girl

Lucky

Meg
26-11-03, 16:07
Hi All,

I can totally see where this is coming from.

Jim , you have had anxiety and panic for a long time as you say on your post, but you have also learnt to deal with having a panic attack very successfuly, whilst sitting in formal meetings and how to lead your life alongside this condition. Over the years you've had access to resources and learnt a great deal about yourself and about panic.

On the whole, this site is found primarily by people who are quite/very new at panic or secondly by people who have had it for sometime but had very little in the way of support and understanding and so have not managed to make great leaps forward and still feel very isolated .

There is a big difference in how advice is asked for, heard and received by these different groups who all have differing needs both in education and support. Some, like Jim, have learnt to manage panic which is great in itself and many of these posts are milestones you passed years ago, but maybe you are still riding the waves and our aim surely is to remove the panic altogether.

The success catagory has only just been 'open for business' in the last couple of days so I think 2 entries already is remarkable.
It is true, that as people get better they just want to forget this horrid episode in their life and just move on without coming back to report their great progress.

For some , who are very impressionable it can be worrying to continually read about other peoples symptoms and traumas as inevitably it's a blue print and they will learn how to have those very symptoms too... But for many others this site is a source of unconditional sharing and support and indeed, a great way of monitoring your own progress.

Those who landed here in a dreadful state can begin to advise others who remind them of just how much progress is being made on a personal level . This has the additional benefit of personal satisfaction along with raising confidence and self esteem.

A few of us now have really started to encourage new members to use the search facility before posting as we must have done ' sugars' 'dizziness' and 'thought processes' several times in the last few months and whilst I'm very happy to do them as often as it takes - it can make repetitive reading and give us a false gloomy impression .

There is a school of thought that we keep panic as we get a secondary gain from it. I never found mine, but have certainly met people on my courses who did not really want to get fully better at all and were only making a gesture to their family by showing up.

I do believe that it is possible to completely get rid of panic attacks. It's been a long time since my last one and whilst sometimes I still feel vunerable, I've been successful in keping them at bay.

I wonder what thoughts/image/sound has got such a hold on your mind Jim and what your expectations of a site like this is ?

I guess each of us have found our own way here and have our own needs and insecurities to nurture.




Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

uryjm
26-11-03, 23:28
"I wonder what thoughts/image/sound has got such a hold on your mind Jim and what your expectations of a site like this is ? "

Hmmm. I'm not sure what my expectations of the site are - I think it's the best I've found, and haven't searched for any others so far. As for what got hold of my mind, well, I get frustrated with myself for sure, and perhaps some of the posts remind me of that anger (I read somewhere repressed anger is a close neighbour of anxiety!)It's easier to be annoyed at others than to be annoyed at myself, so maybe I'm just transferring some of that annoyance. It's also easier to tell others to "get a grip" and conveniently ignore my own inability to do this when I'm in panic mode!
One thing I have found is that some of the posts can promote anxiety. "Fear of fainting while driving"? Ah! Not tried that yet. There's an idea. Maybe I'll work myself into that one at 70mph on the motorway tomorrow night. You probably know what I mean.
Overall though, I enjoy visiting here and sharing my experience. I didn't realise the Success Stories was a new forum, so apologies for that, but I also agree with the point that it's less cathartic to read of how well someone else is doing. Yes, I admit it, I'm more interested in reading the post that makes me think "Jeez, at least I'm not THAT bad"!
Anyway, I'm off to watch the telly with a glass of wine. See you tomorrow.......


Jim

Laurie28
27-11-03, 14:52
Hiya Jim,

Sometimes I find 'getting angry' at myself is the only way forward!! I've only clicked on to the fact lately that I am the only person who can really get me better, and perhaps sometimes I do need a boot up the backside to get me going (i'm not however giving everyone permission to give me abuse - lol)

I like to look at the success stories to see that it can be done and if other people can do it so can I!!

Anyho speak soon

Lucky

nomorepanic
28-11-03, 12:34
Jim - I am glad you like the site. Have you read much on the site itself or just this message forum?

Nicola

uryjm
29-11-03, 10:55
Nicola
I've browsed most of the site, but tend to return to the message boards. Having built some websites myself, I really like the format of this. It's straightforward, no silly gimmicks, allows interactivity with a minimum of fuss and retains a community feel as opposed to a "Sponsored by Glaxo Smithk Klein -click here to buy our drugs" corporate stance. I also like the fact that it's British. I haven't checked out any US sites as I suspect their approach will be a "buy your way to happiness" one. Also, as you may have guessed, I tend to favour taking responsibility for my own life as opposed to seeing myself as a victim that requires someone else to sort out my problems. It's good that I can find a mixture of opinions on these Boards, and I admire the patience and understanding of those who are making regular, positive contributions to the community.

Jim

nomorepanic
29-11-03, 16:23
Hi Jim

Thanks for the kind words about the site. It is hard to make a design that is simple to navigate round isn't it, but I think the simple design works well.

There does tend to be more advertising on US sites and I notice they also ask for contributions - now there's an idea - lol.

I think the Message Forum is getting a bit messy as there are posts all over the place but I am limited in what I can do with it to be honest. I can move posts but that is about all.

It can take a long time to plough through the posts but is well worthwhile if you do.

Good to have you here anyway :-)

Nicola