View Full Version : why do i get so upset
i just spent half an hour typing about how bad my husbands family make me feel tried to post and it had loged me out you were all saved a huge moan
i just feel so sick to day and just carnt stop crying had a run in with hubbies dad dont know why i let people upset me so much if it isnt his dad its his sister
love to you all helenx
hi don t let it get to you i am always having run ins with my side and hubbys side then one day i thought why should i put up with it they only moan when i do see them and i stopped phoning and seeing them all and they have nt bothered to phone me either parent s or phone there son and i am coping better than ever they have nt even bothered to ring their 4 grand children so shows ow much they cared not my loss or my hubbys but theres why aggrevate the situation dont need them moaning and life is so much more easier for me hope this helps but end of day it is up to you.
Hi hun...sorry your feeling so low. I know its an old cliche but the saying 'you can choose your friends but not your family' comes to mind.
Its hurtful when in-laws make you feel like that - or anyone come to that.
Is there something in particular that triggers the rows?
Try posting again to get it off your chest..maybe doing it in 2 parts so you dont get timed out. Or something ive done before is to type it out in 'word' then copy it and paste it onto a new thread.
Hope your feeling better soon
Take care
:hugs: :hugs:
hiya and i can so relate to wot Tracey is saying, my parents give me nothing but stress and have done for many many years, they never listen never payme any attention or are interested in anything i do, i only speak to them for the kids sake and i have had enough. hubbys family are even worse but we dont see them luckily. i just feel like i want to move away and hide or become invisible so i dont see them, i know this sounds harsh but i really dont want the stress anymore. please dont worry helen mayb try take a leaf out of traceys book and try to not see them or avoid them and if u do see them just be as brief as possible and make sure u busy with something so u dont get into a conversation. i do feel for u though its a horrid feeling cos like me i quite often say nothing to keep the peace but it dont do me any favours. hugs to u xx
hi don t let it get to you i am always having run ins with my side and hubbys side then one day i thought why should i put up with it they only moan when i do see them and i stopped phoning and seeing them all and they have nt bothered to phone me either parent s or phone there son and i am coping better than ever they have nt even bothered to ring their 4 grand children so shows ow much they cared not my loss or my hubbys but theres why aggrevate the situation dont need them moaning and life is so much more easier for me hope this helps but end of day it is up to you.try and try again one day its got to be right!
Yes i can relate to this one too. I never got along with my second husbands family. They didnt like the idea that he'd taken on a divorced woman with 3 children and never made we feel welcome, or bothered with the children. My hubby was very close to his parents and 3 siblings so we were always together, especially in the summer and i always felt uncomfortable and sort of not quite in the bosom of things. Im not a shy person so would try and join in but they would look at me like i was interrupting...which i evidently was, and just go on talking about stuff i was never part of.
My husband was very controlling and ended up being a bully, and the marriage ended after 14 years. He never supported me against them, and when i finally found the courage to tell them he'd been hitting me his mother didnt believe me and his sister said i must have driven him to it. Families can cause so much trouble in a relationship :weep:
Cathy xxxx
i really dont know where to start his father is a bully and has got much worse since a stroke some years ago .he suffers short term memory problems which makes him get angry .. over the years he has lived with us as daughter dropped him of at our house one day she had had enough of his drinking and agressive ways ...he had no where to go we let him sleep in living room he had been paying daughter lodge ..but gave us nothing considering we live on a very low wage with 2 kids it was hard but after six month he had driven me from my own home he told me my son ,daughter needed to doo more round the house and eat what he thought ,he was drinking all the time he had to go ...we got him a council place in a village he wanted to go to .but ever since had nothing but probs with him.. examples to follow
he want a cooker ..i get him one
he wants a hover ..i get him one
he wants ...i get but he will phone me 4/5 times a day to moan family dont see him enough , i wont a shed i order one he then he then gets aggressive with me coz his son my hubbie hasnt put it up yet ..i explain he works and is a volunter at a local disabled club every wed fri sat night he knows this ..
he has a daughter who never does anything for him
i am daughter in law and i have bent over backwards to help him
he dosent know about my aggoraphobia /pa but i have had sporaisis for a few years very bad at time and has caused joint problems he sugested i wash more eat more fruit and veg get in the sun i explain i have had hostpital treatment over the years its not that easy
now he has premium bonds sent to my house and he won i tried to phone him when they came sat ..no answer drinks every day then falls asleep so told hubbie to let him know yeserday he phoned his dad and with in mins i had him on phone "i won on the bonds " me "yes i know well done 100 they sent it in bonds again" him " so why didnt u phone me " "i did " when " sat " " well tell hubbie i want bonds here bring them save all these problems AND I WILL BE INTOUCH " so aggressive and hungup
sounds silly but just 1 thing on a long list told hubbie i dont want anything to do with him any more ..
his mum blames me for him not phoning or going to see her ...but the truth is she left him and his sister with a violent father to run away to london they didnt know what had happened to her for nearly two years ...at sixteen he had to run a house and look after his little sis as his father was imprisened for violence ..he has never really fogiven her.
cathy sounds like same family hate xmas i never feel part of it ,make me feel inadiquate ,not good enough when they give presents last year got a top about 3 sizes to small and was short sleived they know i always have my arms covered because i have skin probs .
tracy i know your right i need to forget them
thanks everyone just need to pull myself to gether wish i wasnt so soft ..
helen x
donna thats it to a tee
i dont like to rock the boat
when my husband fell out with his dad his family blamed me truth i made him make it up with him
i always think its upto them if they want to be like that but i refuse to let them make be hard ,i care to much sometime about others fellings but i hope that makes me a better more caring person
but as tracy said i think enough is enough i am making myself ill now
love helen x
dont get me wrong i am a softie as well and then one day got fed up of being used and abused and taken for graned not just ny family but friends as well use to do anything for anyone me but no more family (hubby and kids first and me of course) they ringonly when they want something cause my hubby and i use to do everything for all of them and now magic word is NO and stuff what they think i have done enough for them my turn now
i know your right have just found out sis in law is moving down the road and she will be at the door wanting me to have kids all the time ,they think i am lazy because i stopped working but my aggoraphobia got the better of me .
told doctor i need to work i really need the money husbands wage just dosent cover everything but he said that may take sometime.
i have caller id and have decided to egnore phone if its them now if it important they can phone hubbie thaks tracy i know your right ..
helenx
Hi Hun :hugs:
I am sorry to hear you being put upon this way hun, what I am going to say may sound harsh, I'm sorry :lac:but your letting him, YOU ARE NOT soft AT ALL, please, please, don't think this way, you are a kind and caring person who would do anything to help AND he knows this, it sounds to me that his congnetive behavour is all wrong, YES, walk away, but walk away with abit of pitty for him, cos if he carrys on the way he is he will have no-one. It sounds to me he has alot of problems, he is a grown man and is reponsible for his own actoins, BUT, there not your problems hun, please see this.
You should feel nothing but pride for yourself in trying to help this man, but what you have to do now is help yourself, I know there is a quote, can't remember it all, but it says, look for people who bring joy, happiness and laughter into your life and stear clear from those that bring saddness, resentmet ohh something like that, but its true.
I know its dame hard for you hun, you kind caring nature will get in the way of walking away, I have this nature too, MY Mum is a star, you calls it my gift, but its a gift that I have had to learn to use, not only for other people, but for myself too, NOW hun, you have to listen to what your mind and body are telling you, listen hard, if this is causing you anxiety problems, back off, walk away, BUT walk away with your head held high, you have done all you can, you can't do no more.
TAKE CARE
LOVE JILLXXX
what a moaning minnie i am today just feeling really down and lonley
someone give me a slap .
thanks for listening helen x
note to self dont cry on laptop it might go bag lol
jill strange you should say that i brought my mums family back together after years of fallouts the call me the peace maker i always try to help anyone even to the point of making myself ill with the pressure but i will really try to so no more because your right my husband and kids need me well
his family can not be allowed to interfear with it .
love to you all
the emotional wreak for 1 day only helen x
milly jones
15-07-08, 13:14
hi hunny
when i was first ill 3 years ago, my hb family just couldnt understand my illness. they are the sort of pull urself together types.
this culminated me missing family events because of my sa. when u did eventually feel up to attending a birthday party, my hb mum took him aside and told him, 'dont u think its about time she started pulling her weight cos shes got responsibilities to her family.'
i found this out afterwards at home. i decided that i didnt need that sort of 'support', and to this day have not seen them since.
i would never stop my hb seeing his family, or them seeing their grandson, i just dont want to have anything to do with ppl who have such a lack of compassion.
they saw me lose 6 stone, and all my confidence, and it was still my fault.
as a post script, one of their side of the family commited suicide soon after, and they still cant seem to have any empathy for depressive illness.
i dont have any contact with them, and i dont miss it,
milly xxxxx:hugs:
just phone husband
told him how i was feeling and he said sod them :huh:
when he phoned his dad yesterday his dad said he needed to cash some premium bonds as daughter needed some money for new house ,offered husband money to he said no keep it (though we really could use it )
said his dad has lost plot.. said i should do what you lot have said forget them he will not mind and will back me up . he will go to his dads after work and tell him to leave me out of it ... i need to get better and stop worrying about what others think .
i still feel guilty for putting him in this situation but he said his family have always been difficult only call when the want something ..
now i just feel numb maybe new meds are making me feel a bit off and not helping things .
so thank you i dont think i would have spoken to hubbie with out your support :yesyes:
love to all helen x
thanks milly just nice to know your not alone sometimes i think is it me do i stop my family living life dam agrro but i am really trying to get better now and i need to stay away from people who dont /wont support me or at least keep their thoughts to themselfs
just dont understand why people have to be so nasty surly it doesnt make them happy being so negartive all the time ..
helenx
Southern_Belle
15-07-08, 16:15
Hi Helen,
:bighug1: hope things will go better now that your husband has decided he will talk with his Dad. Hopefully things will quiet down for you.
Take care,
Laura
ps
Did you check the "remember me" box when you logged on? If you do that you can make longer posts and they will not disappear.
hiya again well we are nice people and feel bad causing any problems but i have decided with help from my counselling cbt that i dont have to put up with it anymore, i am always stressed infact i feel like im 15 all the time having some stroppy teenage tantrum but they never ever bother about me its always about my brother and thats why ive moved further and further away, my kids were supposed to be going to theres for 4 nights in aug like they do every year but i have said that they dont want to go this year cos my eldest dont anyway he wants to stay here and i know my parents dont like it i can tell by mums voice but i have so had enough and im mentally exhausted from it all, so im gonna think of me alot more and my own family, u should too hun. hugs xxx
thanks i know where you are coming from i have had big probs own parents but that a huge story i knopw how hard it is so
:bighug1: just for u :D
update husband just got in grabed bond went to give him a kiss but he was mad and just left dont think hes mad with me just hope its not to badat his dads they can both have tempers and i dont want them to fall out because of me ..
will take 30 mins to get there so now i just want hubbie home so i know what happened and then its over i hope fingers crossed it will be ok
why am i letting them get to me :mad:
love helen
ps would have been so much worse without you lot thank you so much
aww helen dont worry to much but i know its hard, sometimes i get like that with my parents and no matter how hard i try to ignore it and forget i cant and it slowly eat away at me, that was one of the biggest reasons i went cbt counselling to get rid of the knotts in my head the anger i have. i have bought my 3 kids up practically on my own at times when hubby worked long hours and i never rely on anyone but my biggest fear is if something happend to my hubby as he is my rock and the only person who really understand me and knows me, whenever he goes out i worry, cos without him i think i would crack up cos i wouldnt really have anyone.
thanks donna i must admit i often worry about any thing happening to him for exactly the same reasons trying to keep busy on here stops my brain from going into over load
love helen x
ok quick update husband came home with bonds:mad:
turns out father in law has lent some money to daughter now she carnt /wont pay him back and he felt guilty as he hadnt given same to martin(my husband his son) so i was the next person he spoke to so i got it both barrels :huh: go figure !!
martin told him he should not talk to me like that he said i could handle it i know what he is like ...
he wants us to keep bond as they are there to pay fo his funeral in the far future ..
but i am going to stick to my guns told husband if he phones i will NOT answer phone .. martin said that fine he told his dad infuture if he wonts to moan at some one to phone him as he is not my dad ..
so thanks everyone i would not have sorted this yesterday without your suport and would have kept it to myself and thats not good for me ..
so :bighug1: :bighug1: thanks again
helenx
im glad it sorted out in the end hope it stays that way never know he might see the error of his ways and reality hit him and he might appologise to u the dad not hubby good luck tc from tracy
thanks tracy
i will really try to stick to my guns ,he has done much worse to me over the years and never once said sorry....i know he has problems himself but i have helped him so much over the years and all i get is abuse for my trouble ..
now is the time to say enough is enough ..i am now concentrating on me getting better and having him in my life is not helpping so for now at least he goes on the back burner..
love to all helenx
hi helen u sound very strong and positive hun and u r right and so is tracey stick to your guns and if he wants to be so horrid delete him from your life hun, i went through a phase of deleting quite a few people from my life cos they were not true to me, fake and some were just causing me stress all the time and i decided i am not being a doormat anymore. so goodluck hun and u will feel loads better hugs xx
do you know i feel so blessed to have found this site:yahoo:
the advice and suport show to me in the few days i have been here is just unbeliveable ... donna i have never been a strog person infact i am know to be to soft for my own good but maybe putting all that extra preasure on myself, has contrubuted to my health problems ....
however i have to be strong now for my family need me to get better ..
with the kindness and support from everyone here i am sure my recovery will be much much faster than if i had tried alone .......
THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE:flowers: :flowers: :bighug1:
FLOWERS AND HUGS FOR EVERYONE ..
hope your all having a good day
love helenx
hiya yes this site reaches out to alot of people who dont get any help or undertanding elsewhere and have no one to talk too. its only when u come on sites like this one that u realise u are actually very normal and the probs and issues we all have are very common. this site has helped me too and there are such lovely helpful genuine people on here who actually spend there own time just trying to make others feel better so like you i am grateful to this site. hugs to u and im glad u are thinking of yourself more cos its so surprizing how people can make us feel so ill and hurt and angry and sad etc.
i will not be a doormat anymore im sick of it. heres to NMP hey hugs to u xxxxx
Liverbird67
16-07-08, 20:03
Blimey what a family, sounds like my husbands his mother is the mother from hell, she drinks but is aggressive with it, talks to me like SH@@ refused to have anything to do with her for years. I am polite and civil when I need to be but that is my limit, my kids have very little to do with her, she's never been interested in any of them anyway. If its not booze fags and bingo it doesn't matter, she has never cooked a meal for us or anything, her daughter s are all going the same way the kids are all running wild, pregnant drugs etc.
My kids are called fit to burn the two eldest go to university and my little girl is only 11 but clever too, yet my kids are allegedy spolit etc honestly this lot put shameless to shame yet husband cannot keep away from them, he is slowly losing respect of me and his kids you are all right these people do not help with anxiety problems they make them worse.
I refuse to do anything for this lot, you all need to toughen up and say NO,its probably because you are nice people that these nasty pieces of work take advantage, well thats my moan.
love and hugs to all
Debbie
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
families hey they cause nothing but stress
but at least we can come and moan on here and they are none the wiser:whistles:
short post for me lol
helenx
very true helen lol, then by the time we actually have to see them we are all calm cos me had a good old moan on here haha
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