seh1980
27-04-05, 19:31
hello fellow panickers,
I have been wanting to write this post pretty much since I joined this site but haven't done as I've been too scared of the answer..am sick of my fear so here goes nothing..Would just like to say that I describe below what some people might consider some pretty scary happenings so if anyone is queasy, please don't read on as I don't want to scare anyone..
As some of you already know, I had a seizure about three and a half years ago. I was in France at the time on a year abroad and it was quite stressful as I'm sure you can imagine. The strange thing was that at the time it didn't really scare me at all. It was a lot more stressful for Ed (my boyfriend) because he saw it happen and had to explain what had happened to the ambulance people. All I know is that I suddenly felt faint and my head started closing in, my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I saw a white light and thought I was dying. I was unconscious and shaking for about a minute and the next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance being rushed to hospital. I had an MRI done and the results came back normal. The doctors decided that I wasn't epileptic and told me that some people can have a seizure once for no reason and that it never happens again..
So, I continued to live my life like normal. It didn't phase me at all. I continued drinking and smoking weed (which I don't anymore by the way) and didn't give it a second thought..
In the summer of 2003, Ed's older brother got married and I dranl far too much at the reception. I shiver everytime I think back to how much I drank that evening. I don't normally drink a lot so my body really couldn't take that amount of alcohol (bottles of wine & champagne). I didn't get much sleep that night and when I woke up the next morning, I drank loads of coffee (I normally drink no coffee). About two hours later, we were sitting in a cafe (this was in Norway by the way) and I suddenly felt that same sensation in my head. Suddenly, my arms and legs started to shake and my eyes were darting around everywhere, but this time I was conscious. At first, we assumed that I had had another seizure as at the time, I didn't even know what a panic attack was. I had all the tests done again and everything came back normal. A doctor in the US put me on meds for epilepsy and I was on them for three months. This is when my life changed. I was suddenly scared of leaving the house. I would get to the corner of the road and have to turn around and go home. I felt anxious the whole time and was too frightened to do anything..It wasn't until I moved upto Durham and went to a doctor here that the notion of panic attacks even came up. A doctor here decided that the second episode had actually been a panic attack, not a seizure..
My problem is that I have all these annoying questions in my head: What if the second episode really was a seizure and not a panic attack? What if I'm really epileptic and have a seizure at any moment? I know that I now suffer from panic attacks..but that could be just a result of my seizures, couldn't it? A day doesn't pass when I don't weight out the pros and cons in my head. I was conscious during the second episode so does that mean it was a panic attack and not a seizure? A mix of alcohol & coffee can cause a panic attack but both of these things can also cause a seizure..I know I shouldn't torture myself like this but I honestly can't help it..
Panic attacks don't scare me, having a seizure really does!! The reason I am writing this now is because I have just heard on the news that someone died as a consequence of an epileptic seizure (which I previously didn't realise was possible) so all these questions and worries have come forward again.
I know none of you are experts or doctors but any advice/suggestions/ideas would be welcome. I can't help thinking that if I were no longer scared of having a seizure, I would no longer have a reason for being anxious.
Sarah [Sigh...]
I have been wanting to write this post pretty much since I joined this site but haven't done as I've been too scared of the answer..am sick of my fear so here goes nothing..Would just like to say that I describe below what some people might consider some pretty scary happenings so if anyone is queasy, please don't read on as I don't want to scare anyone..
As some of you already know, I had a seizure about three and a half years ago. I was in France at the time on a year abroad and it was quite stressful as I'm sure you can imagine. The strange thing was that at the time it didn't really scare me at all. It was a lot more stressful for Ed (my boyfriend) because he saw it happen and had to explain what had happened to the ambulance people. All I know is that I suddenly felt faint and my head started closing in, my eyes rolled into the back of my head and I saw a white light and thought I was dying. I was unconscious and shaking for about a minute and the next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance being rushed to hospital. I had an MRI done and the results came back normal. The doctors decided that I wasn't epileptic and told me that some people can have a seizure once for no reason and that it never happens again..
So, I continued to live my life like normal. It didn't phase me at all. I continued drinking and smoking weed (which I don't anymore by the way) and didn't give it a second thought..
In the summer of 2003, Ed's older brother got married and I dranl far too much at the reception. I shiver everytime I think back to how much I drank that evening. I don't normally drink a lot so my body really couldn't take that amount of alcohol (bottles of wine & champagne). I didn't get much sleep that night and when I woke up the next morning, I drank loads of coffee (I normally drink no coffee). About two hours later, we were sitting in a cafe (this was in Norway by the way) and I suddenly felt that same sensation in my head. Suddenly, my arms and legs started to shake and my eyes were darting around everywhere, but this time I was conscious. At first, we assumed that I had had another seizure as at the time, I didn't even know what a panic attack was. I had all the tests done again and everything came back normal. A doctor in the US put me on meds for epilepsy and I was on them for three months. This is when my life changed. I was suddenly scared of leaving the house. I would get to the corner of the road and have to turn around and go home. I felt anxious the whole time and was too frightened to do anything..It wasn't until I moved upto Durham and went to a doctor here that the notion of panic attacks even came up. A doctor here decided that the second episode had actually been a panic attack, not a seizure..
My problem is that I have all these annoying questions in my head: What if the second episode really was a seizure and not a panic attack? What if I'm really epileptic and have a seizure at any moment? I know that I now suffer from panic attacks..but that could be just a result of my seizures, couldn't it? A day doesn't pass when I don't weight out the pros and cons in my head. I was conscious during the second episode so does that mean it was a panic attack and not a seizure? A mix of alcohol & coffee can cause a panic attack but both of these things can also cause a seizure..I know I shouldn't torture myself like this but I honestly can't help it..
Panic attacks don't scare me, having a seizure really does!! The reason I am writing this now is because I have just heard on the news that someone died as a consequence of an epileptic seizure (which I previously didn't realise was possible) so all these questions and worries have come forward again.
I know none of you are experts or doctors but any advice/suggestions/ideas would be welcome. I can't help thinking that if I were no longer scared of having a seizure, I would no longer have a reason for being anxious.
Sarah [Sigh...]