Roscoe
27-04-05, 22:03
Hi
My real name is Bart. My anxiety problems started little over 1 year and a half ago. I had been working in shifts (incl. night shifts) for a few years and that really messed up my biological clock. Worse, it also affected my intestines, and it gave me a bad case of anxiety disorder and even the occasional panic attack ("my god, what if it's some kind of bowel cancer?" - I'm sure this may sound familiar to many of you ;) ). I gave up my night shifts immediately (I still do other shifts), took an extended "vacation", and began taking Xeroxat (a relatively mild and non-addictive drug used against depression, anxiety, social disorders, ...), obviously only after seeing a doctor.
For a while, things were really bad. I couldn't eat for most of the day, and was afraid to leave my appartment. I tried to avoid all social contact, even with my closest friends. Soon, things became better, though, and I became able to function again. Still, some of the anxiety lingered, and it has been there ever since. Being a shy, introvert guy, I can still get really nervous about meeting other people - sometimes even when visiting friends. It affects my breathing, and often makes me want to run to the nearest bathroom in a hurry. Worse, I've come to associate those feelings with eating food, as this whole anxiety mess is mainly affecting my intestines. Of course, I also started worrying about it excessively, and I've come to the point where this worrying is sort of dominating most of my day. Eating, usually before noon or when other people are joining me, is often a really big problem. I usually wake up in the morning wondering how long it will take this time for the misery to start again.
Into my life steps this girl then. I met her on New Year's Eve at my brother's - he was throwing a small party. We really connected. It's been a long while since that's happened, so I was getting really nervous. Then came the food. My stomach turned, and I had to flee the party, claiming I was having a bad case of stomach flu (which was going around at that time). Maybe I even believed that was the cause at that time, but now I know better. She lives in the UK, I live in Belgium (she was born in Belgium, moved to the UK a couple of years back, and is probably going to move back to Belgium soon). So we keep in touch through e-mail. And we're still connecting very well. In little over a month, she'll come over and we'll spend the day together. After that, I'm going over there for a week-end. Quite frankly, I'm scared to death. Not of her, of course, I like her a lot and I think this could become something beautiful. But it's like being nervous for your first date, only worse. It's like a bad case of stage fright. And I'm afraid of what might happen come lunchtime or dinnertime.
The weird thing is, we had been talking about seeing each other again for a while, but it was only when she mailed me a definite meet-up date when I sort of freaked. Suddenly, the dreaded meet-up which seemed so far away got very, very real. Again, it's not because of her. She's amazing. But it's the whole "will she still like me" and uncanny, nervous silence thing that has me worried. Not to mention the food thing.
So I've gone back to my doctor, and we started up the Xeroxat-treatment again, only now we'll continue for at least a year or two (previously it had been 8 months). In addition, I'm seeing a psychiatrist in two weeks. I'm gonna try some relaxation techniques, try to do some positive thinking, and look for other stuff that might help (Shiatsu massages, tai-chi, whatever might help). And I'm planning on telling that girl about what's happening. Talking about it is good, and I guess it'll put things in perspective when I reach for my motilium stomach tablets when we go for lunch.
Well, that's my personal little hell in a nutshell. ;)
I'll probably be visiting this site a lot in the forseeable future. It has great advise, and it makes it clear I'm not alone.
I want to beat this thing. I want my life back.
Greetz
Ba
My real name is Bart. My anxiety problems started little over 1 year and a half ago. I had been working in shifts (incl. night shifts) for a few years and that really messed up my biological clock. Worse, it also affected my intestines, and it gave me a bad case of anxiety disorder and even the occasional panic attack ("my god, what if it's some kind of bowel cancer?" - I'm sure this may sound familiar to many of you ;) ). I gave up my night shifts immediately (I still do other shifts), took an extended "vacation", and began taking Xeroxat (a relatively mild and non-addictive drug used against depression, anxiety, social disorders, ...), obviously only after seeing a doctor.
For a while, things were really bad. I couldn't eat for most of the day, and was afraid to leave my appartment. I tried to avoid all social contact, even with my closest friends. Soon, things became better, though, and I became able to function again. Still, some of the anxiety lingered, and it has been there ever since. Being a shy, introvert guy, I can still get really nervous about meeting other people - sometimes even when visiting friends. It affects my breathing, and often makes me want to run to the nearest bathroom in a hurry. Worse, I've come to associate those feelings with eating food, as this whole anxiety mess is mainly affecting my intestines. Of course, I also started worrying about it excessively, and I've come to the point where this worrying is sort of dominating most of my day. Eating, usually before noon or when other people are joining me, is often a really big problem. I usually wake up in the morning wondering how long it will take this time for the misery to start again.
Into my life steps this girl then. I met her on New Year's Eve at my brother's - he was throwing a small party. We really connected. It's been a long while since that's happened, so I was getting really nervous. Then came the food. My stomach turned, and I had to flee the party, claiming I was having a bad case of stomach flu (which was going around at that time). Maybe I even believed that was the cause at that time, but now I know better. She lives in the UK, I live in Belgium (she was born in Belgium, moved to the UK a couple of years back, and is probably going to move back to Belgium soon). So we keep in touch through e-mail. And we're still connecting very well. In little over a month, she'll come over and we'll spend the day together. After that, I'm going over there for a week-end. Quite frankly, I'm scared to death. Not of her, of course, I like her a lot and I think this could become something beautiful. But it's like being nervous for your first date, only worse. It's like a bad case of stage fright. And I'm afraid of what might happen come lunchtime or dinnertime.
The weird thing is, we had been talking about seeing each other again for a while, but it was only when she mailed me a definite meet-up date when I sort of freaked. Suddenly, the dreaded meet-up which seemed so far away got very, very real. Again, it's not because of her. She's amazing. But it's the whole "will she still like me" and uncanny, nervous silence thing that has me worried. Not to mention the food thing.
So I've gone back to my doctor, and we started up the Xeroxat-treatment again, only now we'll continue for at least a year or two (previously it had been 8 months). In addition, I'm seeing a psychiatrist in two weeks. I'm gonna try some relaxation techniques, try to do some positive thinking, and look for other stuff that might help (Shiatsu massages, tai-chi, whatever might help). And I'm planning on telling that girl about what's happening. Talking about it is good, and I guess it'll put things in perspective when I reach for my motilium stomach tablets when we go for lunch.
Well, that's my personal little hell in a nutshell. ;)
I'll probably be visiting this site a lot in the forseeable future. It has great advise, and it makes it clear I'm not alone.
I want to beat this thing. I want my life back.
Greetz
Ba