I Wish I Had Never Said It.

[kellie]

OMG i feel so bad and guilty for what i said and wish i could take it back.

Some of you may already know but for those of you that dont my daughter Hannah who is 15 now has been suffering with anx/panic/depression/derealization/depersonalization sine the sudden deaths of her 2 cousions in 2005 ( they died 3 wks apart)
She was also haveing a lot of bad dreams and nightmares about death
One winter eve me and Hannah and my other to daughters were all sitting down and haveing a convo about dreams, now because hannah was convinced that her dreams ment she was going to die and sometime soon we had a talk about what strange dreams we have all had.
then we got around to what would be our most best/fun/weird/silly/scariest dreams and we where having a giggle at some of them.
Now i stupidly said imagine this then
If you woke up in the morning and your life as you know it was not your life at all and it had all been a dream, that your family was not your family and someone else was.
That was in our weird dream section.
Now i never noticed at the time that Hannah had gone quiet but looking back i remember it know
the thing is she brought it up in her counselling session the other wk and said how much it has scared her and along with the fear of dieing that she cant sleep at night and has bad anx about it.
To think that i am part cause of her anx/panic makes me feel so bad.
Why didnt i just keep my big mouth shut
How can i help her to get passed this and to not fear it
Ive told her it would not happen but she says to me
you never know and what if it did happen
I feel so guilty

have you guys got any suggestions on how i can help her
thanks

kellie.xxxxxxxx

[milly jones]

firstly kellie, stop beating urself up hun, u didnt have any concept fo how this would effect hannah.

u didnt do it on purpose hunny.

hannah will deal with this fear as she does with other irrational ones with her family and therapists support.

we cannot hold ourselves responsible for others fears hunny.

we must not blame ourselves, that continues the anxiety.

just like we cannot hold ourselves responsible for the actions of others when they are anxious.

all u can do is support her thru this, answer her qns as truthfully as u can.

perhaps have a chat with her therapist on how to handle it if hannah chooses to chat to u, so that u are both talking the same language to her.

we all have irrational fears to conquer, and if it was not this hun it would be something else.

try and love urself, ur a great mum and hannah needs u strong

love mill xx

[marie1974]

hiya i just wanted to add that u r a great mum by sounds of it and dont beat yourself up cos, u didnt know she would feel this way. the fact that u are there and listening to your daughter and trying to help her through this says alot about you hun it really does, i wish my mum and dad could have been alittle more like you as it would have saved years of hurt and anger on my part. so please keep doing wot u are doing and continue being a great mum hugs xxx

[dawny]

kellie,

how lovely that you sit and talk to your daughters like that....some familys never talk.....so firstly, i think your great for that.

dont regret what you have said, just reassure your girl.

i think your a great mom.

love dawny xxxxx

[maddie]

Hi. just tell her you were thinking along the lines of waking up as Victoria Beckham, or the Queen.

You never can tell how kids are going to interpret the slightest thing. Ask any teenager to describe what happened when they were 5 and it won't relate to your memories.

I suggest you try to put this aside. If she thinks you are worried now, she may just interpret that as her having been right that it could happen. Ask her therapist to let you know if you do need to talk to her again and be open, as I'm sure you are, to her coming to you.

[diane07]

Aww god kell,

How many times that has happened to me hun, and its hard to undo whats been said, like maddie said change it to waking up to being someone else, someone famous. Its only cause she's anx that its bothered her hun, i'm always putting my foot in it with mine. It'll soon be forgotten.

You're a fab mum kellie thats why you and your girls were sat round talking in the first place.

Di xx

[Oceanblue]

As the others have already said, you do sound like a brill mum, don't ever think otherwise.

After reading the replies I think Maddie has come up with something really good, it's not that you're lying because you're not, you're just tackling a problem that your daughter has interpreted into something negative and rather than that thought, you can turn it around with a quite a simple and positive approach.

Try not to feel bad, it really isn't your fault. xx:flowers:

[kellie]

Thank you all so much guys for your replies, it means a lot to me.
Milly thanks hun thats a great idea to talk to the theropist on how to handle this.
Maddie what a great tip thank you i will tell her what you have suggested.
to all the rest of you once again thanks for the kind words
Diane lol i know what you mean hun sometime we just do put our foots in it dont we. she is so senseitive i need to be careful about what is said to her or in front of her.

kellie.xxxxxxxx