breakingoutthistime
17-07-08, 13:30
Am forever putting threads on here about social fear and social problems.
The problem that have is that am so wary wary beyond belief about people, living in Scotland and dont no any one other then some of girlfriends friends am completely alone.
When go out turn about 90 per cent hostile alot of what I have is actually like francis. When walking and cars go by think am in the spotlight everyone is looking at me, and its so horrible it is like being in an battlefield it feels like everyone has an sniper or an gun and is pointing at me.
Like today went to an inteview and ended up standing at the doorway waiting on someone and didnt no where to look, just feel this rage building up and its unbearable, then will take it out on myself banging head which do alot as need to hit something.
When get like this nothing will calm me down just need to get out of there and fast. Its scary feel like am going to do something regret like doing something that would never even consider doing normally.
Am like an raging bull. Try and control it but it feels so powerful its the adrenaline flowing.
Tried glasses to help take the focus off and feel less self concuess which help quite alot, but its hard because hate having to step past everyone and not feel threatened.
Why does it feel like this all the time its just an nightmare when am alone am an wreck but when with someone like girlfriend can deal with stuff easier.
Am an true introvert and its very hard to connect and desensitise to everyone.
So sick of it sometimes think just accept it your never going to be socially acceptable but then think maybe thats b shi t because just have an deep ingrained social distortion.
Its times like this when just feel like being hermit and forgetting the World, and diving into depression and resentment, its hard to accept that it comes from within.
The problem that have is that am so wary wary beyond belief about people, living in Scotland and dont no any one other then some of girlfriends friends am completely alone.
When go out turn about 90 per cent hostile alot of what I have is actually like francis. When walking and cars go by think am in the spotlight everyone is looking at me, and its so horrible it is like being in an battlefield it feels like everyone has an sniper or an gun and is pointing at me.
Like today went to an inteview and ended up standing at the doorway waiting on someone and didnt no where to look, just feel this rage building up and its unbearable, then will take it out on myself banging head which do alot as need to hit something.
When get like this nothing will calm me down just need to get out of there and fast. Its scary feel like am going to do something regret like doing something that would never even consider doing normally.
Am like an raging bull. Try and control it but it feels so powerful its the adrenaline flowing.
Tried glasses to help take the focus off and feel less self concuess which help quite alot, but its hard because hate having to step past everyone and not feel threatened.
Why does it feel like this all the time its just an nightmare when am alone am an wreck but when with someone like girlfriend can deal with stuff easier.
Am an true introvert and its very hard to connect and desensitise to everyone.
So sick of it sometimes think just accept it your never going to be socially acceptable but then think maybe thats b shi t because just have an deep ingrained social distortion.
Its times like this when just feel like being hermit and forgetting the World, and diving into depression and resentment, its hard to accept that it comes from within.