makenzie
18-07-08, 18:09
Hi, i am 20 years old and from the UK. Ever since i can remember, i have always worried about things, and have had an irrational thought pattern. Growing up my mother would tel me that i am just a worrier and that i will be ok. However, i have never got rid of what was bothering me, and dont really understand what it is. Since doing some research lately (as i am having a very hard time with it at the moment) i have come across this website on the internet. Here are some but not all examples of what i have and are suffering from.
Examples...
1.At a young age i would often worry about a family member dying, e.g. mum. Then i would have a thought pop up in my head that i was wishing my mum to die of cancer. This was obviously irrartional, as i did not want my mum to die, but the thought would just keep on poping up, and i would get very worried and upset,about this and worry for long periods of time that itwould come true.
2.In the Uk about 5 or so years ago, two girls went missing and were killed by a man. I was always watching the news at the time to see what was happening with this story. As a couple of weeks past, i started getting very anxious and nervous aroung young people, and started having horrible thoughts in my head that i did not want. It seemed the more i tried to not want them the more they would pop up, this depressed me even at a young age myself (15 or so). I started noticing that when i tried to stop a vision or thought in my head, i would try and blank it out with some other random thought that was not quite as bad, however i would still worry about my original thought / vision and get very upset.
3. Another episode when in high school, involved me asking my friend or the person sitting next to me, to repeat what i had just said. I would ask this because i had this horrible feeling that i had blurted out whatever i was thinking of at the time. Even though somewhere deep down inside of me i knew i had not blurted whatever i was thinking out, i still could not convince myself that i hadnt. i would then worry constantly. Then i noticed me having really bad random thoughts, in my head in class, and then worrying that i had said them out loud.
4. I have been with my girlfriendfor five years now and she means the world to me. However in the 2nd year of our relationship i went on a lads holiday to spain, and cheated on her. I felt awful after this and told her when i got back, she forgave me and we were finnally ok. After about three months, out of the blue i started to get very nervous and anxious around other girls, and started to believe that i had done something wrong behind my girlfriend back, even though i new i hadnt. This got so severe that when i worked in my family shop, i would check the cctv cameras just to make sure i hadnt. This has progressivly got worse for me now, and i now find myself doing the most stupid of things, that i cant even explain in words half the time. For e.g. i was working on some scaffolding two days ago, when a girl walked past on the other side of the street, immediately i felt anxious. At the time i was painting, and as soon as i saw the girl i noticed a blodge of paint on my index finger, even though i new the blodge had come from the paint tin i was holding, i started to wipe my hand and begin trying to get the blodge there again. Then all of a sudden i thought i felt something touch my lip, this could of been from rain, dust or anything, but because i could not distinguish what it had come from i got worried about the whole situation of seeing the girl to the paint to the feeling on my lip.(I no this must sound so stupid but at the time it was one big bloody worry)
5. I do like to gamble (i know i shouldnt) and about two months ago i was gambling on line, i was wining and losing as usual and finnally i lost about £300. After losing the amount i checked my bank balance, and saw i had a total of £1.96 in my available funds. However i then got this thought in my mind that what if the gambling site had not withdrawn the money from my account, and i had been spending the banks money, and then i would be fined and charged ridiculous amounts of money. After recieving a bank statement which proved that the money had been taken out of my account, this still did not satisfy me, and i found myself phoning the bank up and speaking to someone personally. After all this i still worried and was not convinced, and was having trouble sleeping and the first thing that i thought of in the mornings was the money. Again deep down inside of me i knew i was not going to be charged but i couldnt seem to stop myself from believing that i was in debt.
Recently, my anxiety has took a whole new level it was making me depressed and worthless. Everytime i am near a child i get very anxious, and have horrible thoughts / images that i do not want what so ever, and disgust me. But after the thought has happend i feel as though i have actually done what i was thinking and get very depressed and down. And i have recently started to check things over again over the most ridiculous of things.
So i discussed this with my girlfriend so i went to see a mental health nurse (with the persuasion of my girlfriend,) and the nurse said that i am suffereing with GAD. eVEN THOUGH I HAVE ONLY BEEN ONCE, I STILL CANT STOP THINKING I MAY HAVE OCD.
If anyone can relate to my problems i would love to hear from you. Thanks mak.
Examples...
1.At a young age i would often worry about a family member dying, e.g. mum. Then i would have a thought pop up in my head that i was wishing my mum to die of cancer. This was obviously irrartional, as i did not want my mum to die, but the thought would just keep on poping up, and i would get very worried and upset,about this and worry for long periods of time that itwould come true.
2.In the Uk about 5 or so years ago, two girls went missing and were killed by a man. I was always watching the news at the time to see what was happening with this story. As a couple of weeks past, i started getting very anxious and nervous aroung young people, and started having horrible thoughts in my head that i did not want. It seemed the more i tried to not want them the more they would pop up, this depressed me even at a young age myself (15 or so). I started noticing that when i tried to stop a vision or thought in my head, i would try and blank it out with some other random thought that was not quite as bad, however i would still worry about my original thought / vision and get very upset.
3. Another episode when in high school, involved me asking my friend or the person sitting next to me, to repeat what i had just said. I would ask this because i had this horrible feeling that i had blurted out whatever i was thinking of at the time. Even though somewhere deep down inside of me i knew i had not blurted whatever i was thinking out, i still could not convince myself that i hadnt. i would then worry constantly. Then i noticed me having really bad random thoughts, in my head in class, and then worrying that i had said them out loud.
4. I have been with my girlfriendfor five years now and she means the world to me. However in the 2nd year of our relationship i went on a lads holiday to spain, and cheated on her. I felt awful after this and told her when i got back, she forgave me and we were finnally ok. After about three months, out of the blue i started to get very nervous and anxious around other girls, and started to believe that i had done something wrong behind my girlfriend back, even though i new i hadnt. This got so severe that when i worked in my family shop, i would check the cctv cameras just to make sure i hadnt. This has progressivly got worse for me now, and i now find myself doing the most stupid of things, that i cant even explain in words half the time. For e.g. i was working on some scaffolding two days ago, when a girl walked past on the other side of the street, immediately i felt anxious. At the time i was painting, and as soon as i saw the girl i noticed a blodge of paint on my index finger, even though i new the blodge had come from the paint tin i was holding, i started to wipe my hand and begin trying to get the blodge there again. Then all of a sudden i thought i felt something touch my lip, this could of been from rain, dust or anything, but because i could not distinguish what it had come from i got worried about the whole situation of seeing the girl to the paint to the feeling on my lip.(I no this must sound so stupid but at the time it was one big bloody worry)
5. I do like to gamble (i know i shouldnt) and about two months ago i was gambling on line, i was wining and losing as usual and finnally i lost about £300. After losing the amount i checked my bank balance, and saw i had a total of £1.96 in my available funds. However i then got this thought in my mind that what if the gambling site had not withdrawn the money from my account, and i had been spending the banks money, and then i would be fined and charged ridiculous amounts of money. After recieving a bank statement which proved that the money had been taken out of my account, this still did not satisfy me, and i found myself phoning the bank up and speaking to someone personally. After all this i still worried and was not convinced, and was having trouble sleeping and the first thing that i thought of in the mornings was the money. Again deep down inside of me i knew i was not going to be charged but i couldnt seem to stop myself from believing that i was in debt.
Recently, my anxiety has took a whole new level it was making me depressed and worthless. Everytime i am near a child i get very anxious, and have horrible thoughts / images that i do not want what so ever, and disgust me. But after the thought has happend i feel as though i have actually done what i was thinking and get very depressed and down. And i have recently started to check things over again over the most ridiculous of things.
So i discussed this with my girlfriend so i went to see a mental health nurse (with the persuasion of my girlfriend,) and the nurse said that i am suffereing with GAD. eVEN THOUGH I HAVE ONLY BEEN ONCE, I STILL CANT STOP THINKING I MAY HAVE OCD.
If anyone can relate to my problems i would love to hear from you. Thanks mak.