so worried about my son

[rainbow]

Hi, I have suffered from depression and anxiety for a few years now, healthy anxiety is the worst thing for me. Its not only about myself but my children aswell and its starting to seriously affect my life. Over the years i've convinced myself that i've had bowel cancer, a brain tumour, a stroke a dvt amongst a few other things. I've worried that my kids have had lymphoma, luekiamia, skin cancer and at the moment i'm really in a state as my 18 month old son has a small soft lump on his back just next to his spine, i took him to the gp who said that it was either a cyst or a lipoma (fatty tissue) and she wouldrefer him to the paediatrician, this of course sent me in to a blind panic. I asked if we could just take him straight to the hospital as i was not going to be able to cope if i had to wait for weeks for an appointment to come through. She said that we could'nt to that as it was'nt urgent but she would say that i have anxiety issues and hopefully that would make it come through quicker. Anyway 2 days later i took my ds back to the gp again as i just could'nt stop worrying, i saw a different gp this time who agreed with the first gp and said that he did'nt think it was serious. I told him that i was thinking of going private but he said that i should'nt. I know i'm probably over reacting but i honestly can't help it and i just keep imagining the worst case scenario. Sometimes the fear and anxiety i feel over these thing almost paralyses me. Now my ds's appointment has come through and i'm thinking that its really quick and they must be thinking that something awful is wrong with my son. I do try to think rationally but its so difficult. I'm finding day to day life such a struggle at the moment.

Anyway, sorry this post is so long winded, i just needed to get it all out. I find it very difficult to talk to anyone about how i feel.

[leonard]

Hi rainbow,
Welcome.
Sometimes we do let our minds run away with negative thoughts. I am sure your son is fine. The speed of the letter may be because of your stress. The GP is helping you. Don't look for something that is not there.
On the main menu is a list of help links to anxiety sufferers. Try and read some of those. You can always make another post or go to the chat room. Advice and help is always there. You are not alone.
Take care
Leonard

[Alisonj]

Welcome, this forum is an amazing source of information and most of all support. There are so many others suffering through similar things that you dont feel alone and are able to talk about things. I hope you find it as useful as I have.

[rainbow]

Hi, i have suffered from depression and anxiety for a number of years now. My biggest problem is health anxiety, mine and my childrens. I spend most ofmy life imagining the very worst possible outcomes. I think my biggest fear seems to be cancer, i know most people fear this but i just automatically think that whatever symptom myself or my children have then it must be cancer.

A couple of weeks ago i noticed a small soft lump on my 18 month old sons back, just next to his spine. I took him to the gp the next morning who said she thinks its a cyst or fatty tissue but would refer him. Of course this set my mind off thinking that she must think its serious even though she said it was a non urgent referrral. I told her i would'nt be able to cope with the stress while waiting for the appointment to come through and she said that she'd mention my anxiety in the referral. Two days later i took my son back to the gp and saw a different doctor who agreed with the first one. I broke down in tears while there and explained how worried i was and that i'd been reading things on the net and getting myself even more worried. I actually had to leave work the night before because i felt so stressed about it all. I find when i'm feeling like this that its so difficult just to function normally, i look at my son a just want to cry because i'm so worried. He's such an amazing little boy and the thought of anything being seriously wrong with him terrifies me. I have the paediatrician appointment through for the 30th of this month and when the letter came through i started stressing even more, thinking that its been really quick and they must be worried about him. I feel like going back to the gp again and getting every doctor to have a look at him! I know my behaviour is not normal and that i need help but just don't know how to go about getting it.

[lesleyB]

I understand your concern about your son, he is your child and you love him.I am sure it will be fine as my husband had a lump by his spine and it was a sebacous cyst he had it removed and it's never come back. I think all mothers go through this worry, my son had a bad road accident not so long ago and nearly lost both his legs, luckerly the surgeons were able to save them and he was fine. He was 36 at the time and a friend of mine said I shouldn't be at the hospital each day, well I told her were to go!! So we mothers are all the same. I think you need help for yourself as well, your doctor must have seen how distressed you were, are you having any treatment at all have you tried councelling?I don't think the appiontment is too quick as they have taken into account your anxiety, we all fear the worst when we see a lump but they are not all sinister it's just our fear.I am sure he will be fine.
Look after yourself:bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:
Lesleyb

[Lisab]

Hi Rainbow
I can completely empathise with you - my trigger to anixiety is also my son. I am currently just coming down from a severe 'episode' that has been building up since his teacher suggested he may be showing characteristics of Ashpergers syndrome (which on reflection is NOT that case)
I think this worry about our childrens health is partly because we have no control whatsoever about whether that get this, or catch that, BUT we feel as mothers we should have this control - this makes us feel slightly useless, and also being worriers, means we think the worst case scenario about every situation.
Intrestingly, since my son was born, my own health anixieties have waived.
Hope my ramblings make sense - it helps me too to know that someone else out there has the same, completley irrational, health fears for thier kids
Love
Lisab

[Zingara]

I'm not a mother myself but I can imagine how you feel, I worry dreadfully about the health of my loved ones. I'm sure your little boy will be fine, most lumps are nothing sinister, and GPs can usually tell. If he suspected cancer he would have made an urgent referral, they always do.
Thinking of you and your little boy. xxx

[rainbow]

Thanks for your reply,

I take citalopram for depression, i've been taking it for 4 years now since having post natal depression. I did have a cpn when i first started on the medication but i was improving so she stopped seeing me. I've heard about CBT and would like to try that but my gp has'nt mentioned this to me. When i saw him and broke down in front of him i told him how bad my anxiety was and asked him what i could do, he told me to "put the brakes on" when i start worrying excessively, but obviously its not that easy, if it was then i would'nt have a problem. I need to sort this out as i don't want this rubbing off onto my kids.

[Lindalou64]

Hello Rainbow And Welcome ......wish Ya Well......linda

[jill]

Hi hun,:D:hugs:

It is dame hard NOT to have concerns when it comes to our children, I do feel for you hun :bighug1:

My daughter had a lump apear on her forhead, in the middle of her eyes, at the top of her nose, ohhh boy, she was only 3 months old, they said it was a cyst, we had to wait till she was 9 months old before they would take it off, this was a worrying time, we used to call her pebble head, hehe, we have pic's of her with this lump, she is 14 now and we do laugh about it now, BUT, I do understand your concerns hun,:hugs:

I do remember them being very quick with the first appointmet.

Please, please hun, don't look things up on the net, this will only point you in the WRONG diredtion.

Please hun, allow yourself some concerns, you CANNOT just put the brakes on your feelings, so don't be to hard on yourself, :hugs:

Please, let us know how you get on, keep venting on hear hun :hugs:

YOU TAKE CARE

WISHING YOU AND YOU SON WELL

LOVE JILLXXX

[anxious]

just sending you :hugs: :hugs:

love anx xx

[weeble40]

welcome to NMP hope to see you around sometime

Emma xxx

[lorac]

Hi Rainbow I have merged your threads as they are very similar hope that is ok

Carol

[petmad]

Hi there

You sound so much like me, my mind runs away with me over health fears, I get anything and I worry something worse because I have 2 young children and can't bear to think of them being without me. I also worry about my childrens health and go into panic with them too, I think its just natural for some of us to feel so protective.
I have a lump on my back in the middle which is a fatty cyst, it annoys me as its near where my bra is clipped. I have got back pain at the mo and have just posted a thread as am worried thats something more.
I really can relate to how you feel and its good you have a supportive doctor. Your son will be fine, if its a wobbly lump thats not attached then it is what I have got, I don't like it as have a thing with lumps...
Hope all goes well and pm me if you want to chat x

[rainbow]

Thank you all for your kind words, its so nice to know that i'm not alone with this awful anxiety and that i'm not some kind of a freak. I am trying very hard not to let my mind wander off into those horrible dark thoughts that i continually have, but its not easy at all. I do try to take some reassurance from the fact that the gp did'nt refer my son as an urgent case. My kids are my life and i can't imagine not having them.

[EmmaJane]

Hi Rainbow,

My son had a lump on his leg, similare to what your saying about yours. Turned out this was a gland. Try not to worry, they would definately of referred him sooner if they were worried.