blackie
22-07-08, 09:55
Hi all
I have just got back from my allotment in a state of panic and now i am feeling utterly misrable. I have had the allotment now for about two months and have been trying to go up at least twice a week for an hour on my own. Its only about 5 mins walk away. Every morning i push myself to go and i get through the initial panic but the anxiety will not go down and i keep getting frequent panic attacks. More recently i am tring to go up every morning in the week but its just not getting any easier. I dont know what else to do. I was hoping this would be the start to being able to leave the house but the inproovments are so small. Am i just being impatient? And everytime i do manage to leave the house i do really well for a few weeks and then get knocked back to square one.
Sorry for the moan, i just feel horrid. It feels what ever i do its never good enough. I have stopped drinking, smoking, started exercising, watch my diet and caffine. On top of all that i think i have a stomach ulcer but the next tests the doctor wants to do are in hospital so i havnt been back to see him. I know that is really stupid as its uncomfortable to say the least but i keep saying it will get better oin its own. I do not want a tube stuck down my throat!!!
Am i ever going to have a normal life? All my friends have gone to uni and i am tring to do an open uni degree and doing well in it but i have to do four summer schools and i dont know how i will ever manage. If i cannot do thoose then i have wasting 3 years for nothing. I am desperate to be ale to go to uni and do my masters in two years once i have finished my degree.
I really hate this. I can't go on holiday, i cant see my friends, i cant get a job, i cant do anything. I just sit at home doing nothing but working or watching boring tv.
Sorry for the long rant. :blush: I just want to cry
Blackie
I have just got back from my allotment in a state of panic and now i am feeling utterly misrable. I have had the allotment now for about two months and have been trying to go up at least twice a week for an hour on my own. Its only about 5 mins walk away. Every morning i push myself to go and i get through the initial panic but the anxiety will not go down and i keep getting frequent panic attacks. More recently i am tring to go up every morning in the week but its just not getting any easier. I dont know what else to do. I was hoping this would be the start to being able to leave the house but the inproovments are so small. Am i just being impatient? And everytime i do manage to leave the house i do really well for a few weeks and then get knocked back to square one.
Sorry for the moan, i just feel horrid. It feels what ever i do its never good enough. I have stopped drinking, smoking, started exercising, watch my diet and caffine. On top of all that i think i have a stomach ulcer but the next tests the doctor wants to do are in hospital so i havnt been back to see him. I know that is really stupid as its uncomfortable to say the least but i keep saying it will get better oin its own. I do not want a tube stuck down my throat!!!
Am i ever going to have a normal life? All my friends have gone to uni and i am tring to do an open uni degree and doing well in it but i have to do four summer schools and i dont know how i will ever manage. If i cannot do thoose then i have wasting 3 years for nothing. I am desperate to be ale to go to uni and do my masters in two years once i have finished my degree.
I really hate this. I can't go on holiday, i cant see my friends, i cant get a job, i cant do anything. I just sit at home doing nothing but working or watching boring tv.
Sorry for the long rant. :blush: I just want to cry
Blackie