View Full Version : obsessional negative thoughts
hi there..
you are the only ones I can mention this to as i'm worried for the consequences. I have written a few times that i have that word suicide always in my thoughts and i know this is quite common. But I am continually questioning myself, what if i want to do it and i'm just not admitting it to myself. I know this sounds so daft, but it is driving me nuts. I've written it all down and my answer has always been no i dont want to. I'm just afraid i will want to. I even went so far as to hold a knife to my wrist to prove to myself i wasn't going to or dont want to do it!! is this the final straw? do you think i've gone mad!? I have been doing so well too!! i'm worried if i tell anyone i know that they will take me straight to the hospital!
please help,
Lisa
xxx
hi Lisa,
No, I don't think you've gone mad hun. We all have negative thoughts running through our minds. I don't think about commiting suicide but I have quite often thought about death, etc but that doesn't mean that I want to die, does it? The key to getting rid of the negative thoughts is by actively trying to replace them with positive ones..
Sarah :D
Hi lisa,
i'm prob not the best one to answer this, but i would try not to think about these negative thoughts because you know that is all they are as you have said you really dont want to do it it is just your mind is working overtime trying to work these thoughts out, try and accept you dont want to do it so you must have sume positive thoughts to make you think that focus on them and all the reasons you have to be here for, sorry that is prob not much help take care,
kairen x
Hi Lisa
Sorry you feel so confused right now darling, you are most definately not going mad.. your thoughts are exactly that and that's where they will stay, in your mind, i am no expert, so will let someone else help you in that area, but keep in touch, try (as hard as it is) to relax a little, maybe a bath or whatever, any slight distraction, i'm sorry i'm not too good at this, but do keep in touch and by the by, no-one will take you anywhere, especially to hospital. take care, and as you said you have been doing well lately....and it will continue very soon xxx
hi lisa
i can def relate to what you are saying, i have had anxiety in the past but this time i have had suicidal thoughts which really scared me.
i think it was the sheer desperation that i thought i would never get better and i didnt want to be like it forever.
i know deep down i would never do it to my kids as a friend of ours commited suicide in nov, and my oldest child 9 was devasted and couldnt understand why someone would want to do that, so i know it would screw the rest of his life up and thats something i def dont want for him.
remember suicidal thoughts are i feel different from being suicidal.
i actually think ive turned the corner after 3 long mths, my meds seem to be kicking in finally and i can see an improvement which is a great releif.
if you ever get that bad go to your nearest a and e and beg foe help.
i also put a knife to my wrist which resulted in my husband hiding the knives, but if i was really that serious we have lots of drugs in the house, so i knew then i couldnt do it.
things will really get better go to see you gp, and get some meds if you are not on any, it took an increase in my meds to feel better.
take care and remember these are just thoughts.
love Jane
bananarbabe
29-04-05, 18:59
Hi
I know what you're talking about. I've had similar thoughts of thinking about death/suicide but not acting on them. I just try to distract myself by doing something nice and they easily go away for me.
thank you for replying..
I know they are ridiculous thoughts and i think they stem from that feeling of being fed up of being like this.. I dont know the difference of suicidal thoughts and being suicidal and dont tell me either or it'll give me something else to obsess about.. I guess if the thoughts scare me so much, its a pretty safe bet i wont do it..
I am on meds and they have made me a lot calmer. its just the thoughts are taking a while to budge.
Lisa
xxx
Hi Hun,
Please don't worry it's amazing how strong our thoughts become huh! Then you get into a vicious circle as you start feeling anxious about the orignal thoughts you had been having and It all starts to spiral out of control.
When you feel yourself having these bad thoughts take some deep breaths and tell yourself they are just bad thoughts nothing else and they can't and won't harm you. Then try distracting your self with anything to take your mind off it
I know when I have been at my lowest I thought do I really want to bother anymore. Then I thought how selfish it would be to my family and felt angry for thinking like that.
It just takes time patience and small steps.
Take care and no one will take you away! If the irrational thoughts get to bad. perhaps a visit to your G.P see if they can help. Remember we are here to help you through this bad patch to!
Love PIP'S XX
Hi Lisa
You are not going mad as others have said and these are just thoughts. Having obsessive thoughts does not mean you are going to act on them.
I've been suicidal and there is a difference because when I've felt like that I have wanted to do it. I have actually wanted to die.
I think there is a world of difference between having the thought and worrying that you might act on it - and you have already proved to yourself that you don't want to act on it, and actually feeling suicidal because you want to die.
Remember this is just an irrational thought and thinking something does not mean you will act on it.
Hope you are ok tonight.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Lisa
You havent gone mad at all, if you had you wouldnt know about it and certainly wouldnt be writing on here and telling us about it. You are testing yourself to the limit and i am sure a lot of us on here have. You are not alone in how you feel and i have being there so dont do this alone.
There is no easy cure to this it take determination and hard work but i am sure with our help you can get through this hun.
You have so much to give so dont let that you hinder who you really are and what you have.
Keep talking and being honest and we will help you. Not many people are as brave as you to admit how desperate they are feeling and that in itself shows pure strength.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
lisas,
i use to think id drive my car into people, so one day i sadi just do i....of course i didnt, i use to think i might attack a stranger, so one day i thought just do it......i didnt, use to think i might kill my family, so one day i thought do, again i didnt.........
just worry, the thoughts can feel very scary and frightening but they are just thoughts, not instructions,
you are definately without doubt not going mad......you were just testing yourself..........challenging the thought..........
its a thought not an instruction.....megs words not mine!! but very true.
doddy
hello lisa mate
no you havent gone mad, i know our words can reasure you for a little while BUT NO
i too have concious thaughts, if youve gone mad you wouldnt know!!!!! thats the most important thing to remember. people with anxiety think of the what ifs all the time, i too have ahd suicide come into my mind!
have you been to any councelling or spoke to your doctor about any therapy. there is also other website with emergency contact numbers on. like mind! i have spoke to them before, it was very calming. i thaught because my thaughts were so out of controle i was schizophrenic or summat. im not just have anxiety. my thaughts flit from 1 dramatic thing to another. ive had anxiety and panics for a year now and i know my thaughts have always gone to the most dramatic and damaging situations like will i hurt my kids, kill myself, am i schizophreneic or am i going mad. thaughts cant hurt you, your aware of them SO YOU ARE IN CONTROLE! YOUR NOT MAD
i wish you the best of luck, please pm me if youd like a chat.
good luck lisa
*to change your world is to change your thaughts*
Lisa ,
What you are going through is quite normal indeed.
I had the suicide/ knife thing too and ended up tying them all up and sticking them in the attic - real pain when on a lucid day wanted to cook .. My other one was motorway gantrys and bridges.. looking over wondering what possessed someone to jump.. I never did find out...
One day it just wasn't an issue anymore , and I could smile about it and I went onto something else less worrying ..
Thoughts not instructions
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi Lisa,
I agree with Meg - this is a phase and it will pass.
When I first got anxiety I was petrified I was a danger to people and would be carted off to my victorian image of a lunatic ayslum and be running down corridors in a long nightie weilding a carving knife and have black long straggly hair (I'm a blonde in real life). I obviously watched far too many silly horror films as a kid.
I asked my GP did I have mad cow disease - how that man kept his face straight I will never know, bless him.
Love Piglet
piglet - you really made me laugh!
everyone, thank you so much for your words, it is so settling to know that i am normal. i have had a lovely weekend so far being with family and friends, jumping on trampoline with my neice etc.. no panics at all.. but that sodding word did creep up, but only when i thought, 'oh i haven't thought of suicide today' and bang. there it is! It annoys me so so much which is no doubt why i can't forget about it. I test myself every day to see whether i'm still thinking about suicied or not!
i do hope it passes meg, like you said, one day it wasn't an issue. i hope that happens for me too.
i dont want to die at all - why isn't my mind convinced of that!? i know my ADs are working as i'm so much calmer and i can get on with my life, and everyone has noticed i'm much much better, but they would be shocked to know i think about suicide every day!!
Meg - please tell me it will go!!!!
thank you again,
Lisa
xxx
hi Lisa,
You said that you didn't think about it today until you remembered that you hadn't thought about it. I am like that a lot with panic. I suddenly think "wow I haven't thought about panicking in a while" and then sure enough I start to panic. We really do bring it on ourselves sometimes. I don't think that you are worried about suicide, rather you are paranoid about thinking about it and then you do..Does this make any sense?lol
Sarah :D
Hi Lisa - glad to make you smile, it's such a relief isn't it to know underneath we all have our funny little worries - you're so not alone!
Love Piglet
Sarah, you are completely right. I am paranoid about thinking about it..
i think i am now at that stage with my meds where my anxiety and panics have gone, and i'm now feeling quite emotionless, which is very odd indeed.. like i know how far ive come but i dont seem to be able to be happy about it. I did read a post somewhere that said this is only temporary and passes as you continue to improve.. i certainly hope so as it feels like you are not really a part of the world.
thanks again everyone. i know i have to accept and be patient. its just there are the hardest things to do! wow. my new hope is that one day i will be writing a success story here!
along with dear old claire weekes, this site is fab.
Lisa
xxx
Hi Lisa,
I dont think about suicide now, but I have done in the past. I do think off death and find problems in my health though.
When I had my first bout of depession about 8 years ago after 3rd child was born, I did think of suicide then. Use to pick up the knife etc.
I totally understand how you feel, but hang on in there and keep talking. We are all here to help anytime. Or by all means email me, I dont mind talking to you.
Take care
Emma x
dont you think its bizarre what we do to ourselves. instead of suicide mine was im going to go mad, if i didnt think about it for a while, ill think wow i can forget then BANG its back, full blown panic again. it does your head in i know. ive had panics for over a year now and it does get better. i think when you accept your thaughts rather than fight it. it calms down. it just like if you have an arguement, you rile yourself up. walk away and you calm down. try to say to yourself "yeah whatever"
its a silly tactic but it does work.
i dont hyperventilate anymore but i do get anxious but its getting easier. take care xxxx
Glad you had a nice weekend Lisa Well Done!
Imagine a lolly pop lady and each time you get some bad irrational or suicidel thoughts. Imagine her putting out a big STOP sign in front of you! So each time these bad thougts come see that great big red (or whatever colour you fancy) LOL stop sighn in front of you! and tell your brain to STOP!!
I do this at times and it does help although some days that poor lolly pop lady is working 24/7!!!!!! LOL
Take care,
Love PIP'S XX XX
What a really good idea Pips.
Emma x
Hi Lisa,
Sounds like you are making good progress....didn't think about it until you thought about it (hope that makes sense!). See this as a big step forward. I went through the same stage as well, and soon after stopped thinking about it completely (haven't had "the thought" for about 2 weeks now). So try to continue thinking positively, and try not to worry about it because it will just keep it around (yup, easier said than done, but it WILL come). I know that it will stop, you are doing so fantastically! Keep up the good work Lisa!
xxxxother Lisa
I found this post helpful, I've feeling the same way. I'm glad somebody else feels the same as I felt it was just me.
clare_201086
24-11-08, 01:00
it is so reassuring reading these as i have had just about every thought possible, im finding it quite hard to deal with my anxiety/panic attacks at the moment so thank you all, wish i knew had 2 control it!!
clare xxx:weep:
clare_201086
10-12-08, 21:18
hi, hope every1 is doin ok, i dont know what id do wihtout this website, i get thoughts about suicide, although im not suicidal, but i just think what if, what if i did harm myself, etc etc!! it absolutely scares me senseless!! every 1 keep in touch x x x
I can't believe I'm reading my EXACT same fears. My main fear (one of many!) is hurting someone or running someone over, it ruins my whole life. I know I would never do it really but the fear of suddenly going mental and doing something so horrific is so strong it completely takes me over. I obsess for days about why the thoughts got there in the first place and test myself all the time to try and find out who I really am. It's like I don't really trust myself or something. And when I have a good day I think 'cor I haven't worried at all today!' and wallop, I'm back where I started.
I spend so much time in my head worrying that I'm covering up my real desires, even though in reality I can't even kill a spider!
Reading other peoples post on this thread is such a relief I can't tell you. Thank you so much x
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