Close friend pregnant - I feel a bit lost!

[MissiD]

Hi there

I've been feeling a bit 'lost' in general the last couple of weeks, although why I should feel like that when there are many improvements in my life I don't know - I'm returning to work, I'm 'slowly' working through my anxiety & agoraphobia, so much so that I can actually see 'normality' at the end of the tunnel (it was nowhere to be seen at one point!) but I've been feeling a bit unsure of where I'm going.... or something like that.... not sure I really know what it is.

A close friend of mine has just found out that she's pregnant which is something I know she has longed for, and of course I am pleased for her I really am, but I am also a little jealous of her happiness (I feel awful feeling like this!) but also a bit unsure of where it will leave me, if that doesn't sound too selfish... we have been through plenty of highs & many lows together and she has been someone that during my worst times has got me out of the house, encouraged me & supported me & while I wouldn't say that I've become dependent on her as such, she is someone that I've spent a lot of time with & know I could call on if I've needed to get out etc....

I had already decided that now I am able to get out more etc that I would like, or even perhaps need, to make some new friends/meet new people.... maybe in a 'moving on' kind of way?? but I think this has made me feel like there is added pressure to get out there & do things for myself & by myself... at the moment I'm feeling like I don't know what I'll do without her.

Is anybody in, or been in a similar situation??

Mel x

[marie1974]

hi mel i kinda understand your feelings and if u and your mate were really close then its gonna be hard once a baby is here but at same time i bet she will want u to play a big part in its life too which will be nice for u and that baby will know that u are important person in her life. like u say think about stuff u want to do in your life and start planning stuff, change sometimes is a real good thing and try to rely on yourself more cos in future it really helps if there is a crisis in your life and u are strong and confident, im sure everything will turn out fine hun and u and your friend will still b close xxx

[MissiD]

Hi Donna
Thanks for your encouragement. I certainly don't think we'll be any less close, just that we won't be able to go out & do as much as before. I think I'm just a bit worried that I therefore won't get out as much and end up going backwards, not getting out etc and then finding it hard when I try to (does that make sense?). I have a small circle of close friends that I see frequently, some less freqently but me & this particular friend were kind of 'drinking buddies' I suppose.

I agree with you about making changes & standing on my own two feet, lol, which will make me stronger in future. I've had to do it before, but that time was as a reaction to something that happened. This time I want do it because I can, not because I have to! I just need to pluck up the courage to do something about it, lol!

It will certainly be fun being involved with a new baby & I look forward to that..... :)

Thank you
Mel x

[marie1974]

lol i got 3 kids 11 9 and 4 and its fun but hard work, u do make sense and i can understand, and findin strengh and confidence can be tough cos i have had to do alot on my own sinceleaving home at 18 im now 34 but i dont have close family etc i rely mostly on my hubby but i choose to be independent. i never used to be though i was so needy and angry at life and scared but i think as i got older and been through more stuff u learn to cope better and your confience grows. well u will have lots of support here hun xxx

[MissiD]

Thanks Donna :D xx

[maddie]

Hi. I know how you feel. My friend moved house. Only 5 miles away, but making the journey to her was totally impossible for me at the time. Daily phone calls just didn't feel the same and I didn't like to keep asking her to come to me. But our friendship continued. She picked me up to go shopping each week, I found the courage to get a bus to her one day and she came to me on another. This made me feel more independent and less needy. It turned out well for us both.

I suggest you become your friend's "pamper buddy". All mums in late pregnancy get tired and feel like unattractive whales. New mums need sleep. There doesn't seem time to do all the new chores. Perhaps you could give her a neck massage, or a face pack, even time for her to go and have a good soak in the bath. When baby comes, perhaps you could do some housework for her -dust, hoover, iron, or give her a couple of hours to sleep. Lots of people offer their services in the first week, but it takes a special friend to keep going.

Helping where you can not only benefits your friend, but it will boost your self esteem too. :yesyes:

[MissiD]

What a lovely idea Maddie!
What you said about your friend moving away & you having to make more of an effort etc makes perfect sense. From what you have both said I can see that in some ways this change will probably be good for me as I will need to adapt, and find other ways of keeping in touch,/being involved etc but that the outcome will be a break to 'routine' stuff & hopefully enjoy doing some different things & help someone else out at the same time......
Thank you! :D
Mel x

[Lindalou64]

Hello Mel, Im Sure You Will Be Fine As Everyone Says , Maybe Its Time For You To Help Your Friend Out, As New Moms We All Need Our Close Friends Still Around, When We Have Suffered So Long We Get Stuck In A Rut And Once We Start To Recover And Start Doing More And More Can Feel Odd At First, I Went Thru This Myself , It Does Get Better........wish Ya Well......linda

[MissiD]

Thank you Linda. I think you're right about breaking out of the rut... perhaps that's why I've been feeling a bit odd (lost?) lately...
Just hearing all of your comments & encouragement etc has made me feel much better & more positive about the situation :)
Thank you....
Mel x

[marie1974]

i reckon you are a fab friend hun and your friend is lucky to have u, good mates are hard to find so we have to look after them. hugs xxxxx

[samc100]

Will you be my pamper friend???

I can understand your fears and don't feel horrible for thinking them. Of course there will be changes to your friend when she becomes a mummy BUT it doesn't have to be for the worst. She's going to go into foggy world for the first 4-6months when baby arrives and she'll need a good mate.

Maddie is right - I nearly kissed my neighbour to pieces when she came round looked after my 2week old baby/did the washing up/made me sarnie for lunch/ folded things in the laundry basket into piles whilst she sent me to have a long shower and I got to condition my hair. It was a fabby treat!!! I still remember it 3 yrs later.

And I agree with you and the others that this is also your opportunity to start looking for something for you and break your rut. Might sounds scarey but it also sounds fun and really positive.