Very anxious

[matt1981]

Hiya, I havent posted on here for months but I feel I need to as I really am quite stressed out its very unpleasant. It started about a week and a half ago... I met up with a friend that I had a lot of issues with.. We got on really well but a lot of my old feelings came back which casued me to get extremely anxious.

This anxiety was really bad for a few days but then I stayed with my family for a weekend which calmed me down a lot.

I am also going to become a dad in 12 days time with someone who lives over 100 miles away in Manchester whom I had a one night stand with.

I am also starting a four year Sociology and Psychology degree at Aston University at the end of September.

I started to become really anxious again on Tuesday night when someone who I was talking to said that I should move to Manchester to be closer to my child or not be there for him at all. This would mean leaving my home, my friends, my family, my job and not going to university therefore throwing away two years of hard work.

I keep thinking I should do this as I should take responsibility for my actions but I can say quite confidently that I will be able to see my son every other weekend (maybe more during holidays) as it does not cost that much to get there and back (£18 coach return last time I went).

I was perfectly OK with staying here and was not worrying about visiting him every two weeks until Tuesday night. I really dont know what to do I can barely breathe I am that anxious.

I could move to Manchester when I get my degree. he will only be four years old by then

[Alisonj]

Wow you are defintely dealing with alot and it is no wonder you are feeling anxious. What is the mothers opinion on you being in the childs life? Could she not move closer while you are getting your degree? You seem to have your plan all set and I would not change the plans on going to school. If you are confident that you can see your child and go to school then defintely stick with that. In the meantime see your doc and let him know what is all happening and what you are going through. It is better to get things under control sooner than later.

[matt1981]

She doesnt seem to mind me living miles away from her and she also said to me in an unrelated discussion that she does like her own space so maybe she wouldnt want me around all the time. She wants me to be in his life and se is supportive of me going to university as are her family. She sees it as me providing for him more so in the future. I am sending her money every month and she is satisfied with that.

It just seems that one person said that I should and I have taken it almost as the word of god lol and this is what I have to do although many of my female friends who are single mothers said that I dont need to do this. I just wish it was six months from now and Im settled at uni and I am used to having a son.

ps I have contacted my doctor and my psychologist, I am seeing the doctor tomorrow and I will hear from my psychologist.

[Adam Thompson]

i know this sounds harsh but at the end of the day it boils down to how much YOU want to spend time with your child

[samc100]

Matt - do not finalise plans regarding your son yet .... you do not know how you are going to feel until he arrives into your world. Then you can think on how you will handle it. Then you can work out what will suit him, you and the mother. She doesn't know how motherhood will effect her at the moment. Things will work themselves out - but it's a foggy 4 months after the birth of a child for the parents.

[marie1974]

hi matt i think u should do wot u planned to do and do your study and mayb work too if u can i dont know, but then see your son as much as u can. in the long run u will eventually get a good job etc and be able to help support your son and give him a good life. if u drop everything and move ok u be nearer to your son but if u r not happy and know no one then this will just make u anxious and then your relationship with your son will suffer. do wot u want to do which sounds like study etc and u can still be there for your son and set yourself up for a good future hugs xxx

[matt1981]

Thank you. I feel a bit better.. I had a long conversation with my own Dad and he said its not always about how often you see ur children although I will see him as often as I can... (Once a month at the very very least) The only things that make it difficult are time and money but I can do my university reading on the train (or coach if im skint) and I have a laptop so a lot of my typing up of things could be done whilst travelling. I will have to work but not much and I wont be in lectures for more than a couple of days a week so it is possible to see him quite often.

Anyways back to my Dad... He is a counselling supervisor with ChildLine and he said that "being in a child's life" is not just about visiting its phonecalls/letters/cards etc.. Rachael (Baby's Mum) has a webcam as do I so me and my son can see each other that way.

I seem to have this overwhelming feeling of guilt and moral obligation to be in Manchester nearby but that just does not seem practical. I rent from the council, which means I will have to put myself on the council waiting list in Manchester which could take a lifetime. I also cannot really afford to rent privately. I would have to give up university and move away from my family and friends.

I don't think I would be very happy in Manchester as I will have no friends.. I would have to work full time at Sainsbury's or somewhere as thats where I work at the moment.

As a result of working full time.. How often will I be able to see my son anyway? Probably not much more often than I would if I stayed put. I would probably be a lot happier as I am settled here ande I love where I live.

[polly123]

Hi Mat
Youve just anwerd your own question there mate, I take my hat off to you because a lot of men would have turned and run in the other dirrection in your situation.
You seem to have everything planned out with uni etc etc and as you say you will probably see more of your son studying thatn you would working, get that degree and then you can give yourself and your son a much more stable future Best of luck
POLLY