Mike_79
28-07-08, 16:27
Hi Everyone,
I just wanted to introduce myself to the forum. I have visited the site a few times over the last week and it seems to be a great resource. Some of the articles and forum posts have been very useful and it’s reassuring to know that people do manage to cope successfully with anxiety.
I am 28 years old and have suffered from depression and anxiety on and off over the last decade. My worst episodes were at university and during a particularly bad work situation a few years ago. I have tried various types of therapy and medication and on many occasions, I’ve felt like I’ve managed to beat it once and for all, only for it to resurface later on.
My biggest problem at the moment is acute anxiety, mostly related to my work. I work in higher education and am responsible for organising a high profile medical degree that begins in October. Up to now, my job has been about planning the curriculum and timetable and generally making sure everything is in place before the course begins.
As October gets nearer, I am finding myself getting more and more anxious and worrying about things I know I probably can’t control. I usually wake up with a heavy feeling of dread in the morning. Every day, I go into work with the intention of doing something positive but I end up distracting myself to avoid confronting work problems. As you can imagine, this only makes things worse and I get trapped in a negative cycle of thinking. I have had a number of panic attacks recently and find myself running to the toilet or leaving the office for a walk instead of facing up to things that worry me.
The main thought I can’t help going back to is the way I agonised over taking the job in the first place. When I was offered it early last year, I had some real doubts about whether I could cope with the extra responsibility and was on the verge of staying put. In the end I decided I would be able to deal with it and that I needed the extra money as I was just about to buy a flat with my girlfriend. I can’t seem to help going back to feeling regret that I didn’t follow my gut instinct.
Outside of work, I enjoy writing and would like to become a freelance journalist one day. I enrolled on a distance learning course last October, but so far have only completed one of the lessons. Deep down that it could lead to something really exciting but I’ve been unable to just sit down and do it.
In the past I have resorted to using crutches to fall back on when I’ve felt bad. At university I self-harmed regularly for over a year and at other times I have been too dependent on alcohol. It seems that I can’t get enough of pushing the self-destruct button as this time I’ve been using gambling as a ‘sticky plaster’. I’ve lost over £400 betting in online casinos since March.
I feel very guilty about feeling like this if that makes sense – in many ways my life is better than it ever has been. I am in a happy, settled relationship and live in a great flat in the area I always wanted to be. I’ve got absolutely nothing to complain about except that this thing in my mind that is holding me back.
I joined this forum because I want to learn from people who have been through similar experiences and offer support if I can. I’m desperate to get my mind to start working for me and not against me!
Thanks for reading this and I hope to get to know some of you soon.
Mike
I just wanted to introduce myself to the forum. I have visited the site a few times over the last week and it seems to be a great resource. Some of the articles and forum posts have been very useful and it’s reassuring to know that people do manage to cope successfully with anxiety.
I am 28 years old and have suffered from depression and anxiety on and off over the last decade. My worst episodes were at university and during a particularly bad work situation a few years ago. I have tried various types of therapy and medication and on many occasions, I’ve felt like I’ve managed to beat it once and for all, only for it to resurface later on.
My biggest problem at the moment is acute anxiety, mostly related to my work. I work in higher education and am responsible for organising a high profile medical degree that begins in October. Up to now, my job has been about planning the curriculum and timetable and generally making sure everything is in place before the course begins.
As October gets nearer, I am finding myself getting more and more anxious and worrying about things I know I probably can’t control. I usually wake up with a heavy feeling of dread in the morning. Every day, I go into work with the intention of doing something positive but I end up distracting myself to avoid confronting work problems. As you can imagine, this only makes things worse and I get trapped in a negative cycle of thinking. I have had a number of panic attacks recently and find myself running to the toilet or leaving the office for a walk instead of facing up to things that worry me.
The main thought I can’t help going back to is the way I agonised over taking the job in the first place. When I was offered it early last year, I had some real doubts about whether I could cope with the extra responsibility and was on the verge of staying put. In the end I decided I would be able to deal with it and that I needed the extra money as I was just about to buy a flat with my girlfriend. I can’t seem to help going back to feeling regret that I didn’t follow my gut instinct.
Outside of work, I enjoy writing and would like to become a freelance journalist one day. I enrolled on a distance learning course last October, but so far have only completed one of the lessons. Deep down that it could lead to something really exciting but I’ve been unable to just sit down and do it.
In the past I have resorted to using crutches to fall back on when I’ve felt bad. At university I self-harmed regularly for over a year and at other times I have been too dependent on alcohol. It seems that I can’t get enough of pushing the self-destruct button as this time I’ve been using gambling as a ‘sticky plaster’. I’ve lost over £400 betting in online casinos since March.
I feel very guilty about feeling like this if that makes sense – in many ways my life is better than it ever has been. I am in a happy, settled relationship and live in a great flat in the area I always wanted to be. I’ve got absolutely nothing to complain about except that this thing in my mind that is holding me back.
I joined this forum because I want to learn from people who have been through similar experiences and offer support if I can. I’m desperate to get my mind to start working for me and not against me!
Thanks for reading this and I hope to get to know some of you soon.
Mike