View Full Version : The value of everyone
The past weekend I have spent alone because my wife was with her parents. For days previously it had been preying on my mind. I know some people don't understand how others can have a fear of being alone but I've always had this fear since I was small. I can feel my anxiety rise because of my loss of security and things become harder to do as a result. I know it sounds odd because my wife and her illness drive me up the wall but being alone also makes me anxious. It's part of my trap.
For days I was working out how to combat these feelings so that I had a plan of things I could do to put into practise.
The first night I was very anxious but I coped ok. By the next night, I actually felt fine, so much so that when my wife returned I had to get used to her being around again! However, a close member of my wifes family didn't cope so well alone and tried to commit suicide but only failed due to "good fortune". I'm sure it would have had a bad effect on my wife but oddly when I felt ill I never even thought about the effect my actions had on her.
I must admit that while I was alone I started to feel worthless because, if it wasn't for my mother, I wouldn't of had anyone I felt "close" to who I could actually talk to. However, when I suddenly read some lovely messages I received from others on here, I felt lifted knowing that someone somewhere has valued me and that they would miss me.
When we become So low due to different reasons, we tend to only think about the worthless things we think of ourselves but ignore how valuable we are to others. We want our suffering to end but we forget those who care about us. To ourselves we feel undeserving of happiness but we forget the happiness we give to others. We think of ourselves as a worthless piece of .... but to others we are a Special Star. Don't get me wrong because every day I still think the negative things about Myself. It's often hard to see the positive things even though people often remind me. I think the reason for this is because I still feel alone in this world because that's how I feel "inside".
I know everyone I know on here will also probably think the same bad things about themselves but to me they will always be Bright Sparkling Stars who are the Deserving people in this world and I wish I could keep every one of them Safe because to me they are Invaluable. I just wish I could prove to themselves just how Valuable they are.:hugs:
Hiya Bill
Your post is very honest and comforting Bill as usual, I'm glad your loneliness didn't hang around long when your wife went away,it's great news that you managed ok.
I do agree with what you said about us not realising that along with all our problems we are still people who have a lot to give and this is sometimes overlooked because of our negative feelings about ourselves.
I do tend to put myself down a lot and sometimes in the past when I have had particularly bad panic episodes I have said to Gary that he would be better off without me and all my crap. He tends to get annoyed when I come out with this and just says"he won't speak to me when I say stupid things like that" it does make you think.
It is lovely of you to think we are all "Bright Sparkling Stars who are deserving people" which is a very uplifting thought. You sound like a person who thinks deep thoughts about things and analyses situations for what they really are and not just the negative side. You have come far in life and have accomplished a lot by standing by your wife and making a life for you both(no matter what)and that is something to be proud of.
milly jones
30-07-08, 16:16
thats the wonderful thing about the nmp family
we all value each other
yes we fall out and squabble, and there are some ppl who we probably would find it hard to live with 24/7
but we all pull together when in times of need.
bill uve been a bright shiny star for me in my times of need, and i hope that u would consider me the same support to u.
next time ur alone at the weekend, let me know and well msn all day lol
love mill xx
Hello Bill, I haven't posted in a while but it is so comforting to return and find you still offer such generous and inspirational messages to all of us. Cheers, Sagey.
AWW BILL YOU ARE SUCH A KIND AND CARING PERSON
LOVE DEBERA:hugs: :hugs: :bighug1: :bighug1:
Thank you.:bighug1:
Mothermac,
Regarding your new thread tonight.........
I do agree with what you said about us not realising that along with all our problems we are still people who have a lot to give and this is sometimes overlooked because of our negative feelings about ourselves.
Remind yourself of the words above that YOU typed in this thread.:bighug1:
this is a very light hearted answer so please take it in the spirit it is intended.
If you are feeling really alone, thinking no one would miss you, try missing a credit card payment, blimey you will have more human contact than you can shake a stick at, they phone you all hours send you letters and even if you pay they then phone you up asking if you are in diffiuculty offering you loans etc.
we are all important to somebody even if they are in a call centre thousands of miles away.
Lots of love
Heather
I saw a programme tonight about 2 people.
One case I found of particular interest.
For 5 years she lived alone in a flat with neighbours all around her. There were glimpses of her as she went to the shops but she never spoke to anyone, wasn't in contact with her sister and had no friends. One old school friend did see her but didn't say anything because the woman appeared "in another world".
It appears that after losing both her parents she retreated back into her flat and lived most of her time in the bedroom.
Suddenly she disappeared but no one even noticed, no one even wondered why or checked on her. It was nearly a whole year before someone found her body laying in her bedroom.
The old school friend said "She never had anyone there for her. She never had any hugs. No one should go through life like that".
I know this woman may have been happy being alone and didn't want to know people but evidently she went out of her way to protect others.
Evidently there are millions every year who suffer the same fate and at their funerals no one is there to say goodbye.
How is it possible in this crowded world that someone can disappear without anyone noticing or caring? Yes, I know it's the world we live in but this world we live in is created by "us", human beings, but in so many cases without what makes us human- Our ability to Care.
Remember the song Eleanor Rigby? Maybe it'll always be but it still doesn't feel or make it right.:hugs:
I think another trap people fall into when feeling low, is thinking that they are a burden on others. That everyone else would be so much better off without them around. Maybe that's more typical for people who have always been the 'breadwinner' and now find themselves feeling redundant, useless, worthless, unable to contribute. Perhaps that is when those people need to be told more often that they are valued, loved, needed.
Remember this story from a couple of weeks ago?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/lancashire/7545118.stm
The body of a man found in a bed at his Lancashire home is believed to have lain undiscovered for more than two years.
"Everybody knew Brian was very reclusive. He would go out late at night and come back in the dark in the morning. He had withdrawn from society so it was understandable that he hadn't been seen. As time goes by and life carries on it just got longer and longer."
It happens too often, unfortunately.
Now, I may be peculiar in this regard, but I feel that if people haven't made the effort to keep in contact with me while I'm alive, then why would I want them to attend my funeral? That's taking the example of "Too little, too late" to extremes!!
xBettyBoopx
23-08-08, 06:00
Hi Bill
I always love your posts.
However I don't think that everyone has value, I certainly don't (I'm not saying this so that you say I have). I was very good at all the jobs I have had but was made redundant 4 times, I was also a good driver, but couldn't afford to keep my car going as only on incap benefit. So the 2 things I was good at have been taken away from me. Now I sit alone all day every day without a friend in the world and KNOW that I am worthless. Pointless being here.
How does ecclesiastes go?:
2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
8 All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.
9 What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.
10 Is there anything of which one can say,
"Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time. 11 There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow. etc etc etc
http://msp59.photobucket.com/albums/g308/polito_2006/Sad_Face_by_hornsholdmyhalo.jpg
. Maybe that's more typical for Now, I may be peculiar in this regard, but I feel that if people haven't made the effort to keep in contact with me while I'm alive, then why would I want them to attend my funeral? That's taking the example of "Too little, too late" to extremes!!
kendo, i would feel exactly the same as wot u have said, if people cant b bothered while im alive why should they bother out of guilt when i am dead.
its the same when we have problems though, i had no one when i had bad dep years ago and i asked people for help but no one listened, eventually i went off the rails and had a mini breakdown, then all of a sudden these people were suddenly interested in me, for gossip mayb who knows. all i know is i thougt sod u lot, wot help have u been for me.
in the end i pulled my self out the gutter, my hubby finally took notice and educated himself on my problems and he helped me, we started a new life away from stresses and i recovered and never had it since.
exercise was one of my life savers it got me off of prozac and made me feel positive.
if we see someone like Bill mentioned a reclusive person, mayb they r happy that way but i would always let them know i am friendly, trustworthy and there if they needed anything and i would do it in wot ever way i could find to make it known to them, mayb that person has been hurt so much and had no one there to help and now they have learnt to think only of themselves, and who could blame them.
its a sad selfish world we live in and i think its down to the people like us on here who understand people like this to reach out and help them, as alot of people are just blind to it and busy doing there own thing and choosing to ignore someone who mayb dont fit the norm.
:hugs: to u all on here for being lovely people
Now I sit alone all day every day without a friend in the world and KNOW that I am worthless.
"Dear" Elspeth:hugs: ,
A person isn't valued according to what they think of themselves or on what they feel they can or cannot do. A person is valued on Who they are and how they think and regard others. There is No more Valuable person than a person with a Good heart so I could NEVER regard you as worthless no matter what you think of yourself.
You may not feel you have any friends or have any friends who can visit but there is One person who will Always regard you as a friend who Does think of you on a frequent basis. I am not frightened to be called your friend because one thing I can Never do is stop caring about you. I care about everyone who is suffering but especially people who feel alone. You may feel alone but you are always with me because I often think of you. I don't know whether you will believe me or not but maybe if I remind you often enough, I may convince you. You ARE a Valuable person because you're Valuable to ME! Never regard yourself as worthless "dear" Elspeth because there can be no More Worthy person than a person who has your soul. :hugs:
a reclusive person, mayb they r happy that way but i would always let them know i am friendly, trustworthy and there if they needed anything and i would do it in wot ever way i could find to make it known to them,
"Dear" Donna:hugs: ,
If everyone in this world was like you, no one would be letft neglected and the world would be a Much Happier place to live.:hugs:
Elspeth......................
Maybe this will help you to see yourself as I see you. In truth though there are many "one in a millions" in this world and I reckon the vast majority must be on HERE!:hugs: I'd be on here all night if I tried to list all your names!!!
Never feel alone Elspeth.:hugs:
One in a million
If I had a million fluttering butterflies, I would float them all to you,
To surround and comfort you, to keep you from feeling blue,
If I had a thousand glowing sunbeams, I would shine them all on you,
To amplify your sincerity through morning droplets of crystal dew,
If I had one hundred warm wishes, I would wish them all for you,
To provide you with all your wants, to keep your needs so few,
If I had fifty luminous white angels, I would ask them to fly to encircle you,
To keep you forever safe, to show how much I care for you,
If I had twenty soft scented tulips, I would tie them in a rosy ribbon and present them all to you,
To bring you pleasure and happiness, to bring a satisfying smile to you,
If I had ten tin soldiers, I would order them to march to you,
To stand guard and protect you, to lay their lives down for you,
If I had five flittering fairies, I would ask them to make your dreams come true,
To shower you with golden fairy dust, to bring wealth and good fortune to you,
If I had three queen bumble bees, I would request their presence for you,
To send all their collected riches, to one no more deserving than you,
If I had two loving kisses, I would blow them on a warm breeze to you,
To provide you with warmth and kindness, to envelop you in a gentle sunlit hue,
If I had one true friend, I would choose no other but you,
To have by my side, to love and support me as we share our lives through,
For I am so grateful I found this rare wonder, this one in a million in you!:hugs:
Hello Bill, I haven't been a member of NMP for long but I just wanted to say to you that of all the posts on this website I find yours the most comforting, inspiring and encouraging. Every time I read a post from you be it your advice or a poem or whatever I feel myself agreeing with you or saying to myself " that is exactly what I think !", I dont know your personal circumstances that well but of what I do know you have similar feelings to me, fear of being alone etc. Anyhow thank you for your brilliant posts and for caring for us all. I do also think that people who suffer like we do are more compassionate, kind and understanding that non anxiety sufferers.
Thanks again Bill
Z:hugs:
I do also think that people who suffer like we do are more compassionate, kind and understanding that non anxiety sufferers.
And yet we have a........fear of being alone
Sounds a contradiction really. How can such kind compassionate people think so little of themselves and fear that they could end up being alone? Who wouldn't want to be associated with a kind compassionate person? I can't think of a happier place I'd rather be!!!
And yet, I understand it because as you say I have this fear too. I've always had it and I've always felt alone!
I took my mother, wife and dog out over the weekend. I could feel the weight of responsibility on top of me trying to look after them all. I sat in a crowd and I felt totally alone. I looked around at everyone and felt I didn't belong. What was I doing there? Who was there to support me? Who was there who understood me? I had all these thoughts I was trying to fend off.
I thought of the people on here and what keeps attracting me back. To be with people I understand. I think of the lovely things people say about my posts and balance them against comments from my wife saying she "has to put up with me".
I'm glad I'm of help to others and it gives me alot of satisfaction when I feel I've helped someone. I'm also very grateful for the flattering praise but I know I'm flawed and I'm far from perfect. I just always try my best because I do genuinely care but there are people on here who are Much More Worthy than me and are Much Better people. I honestly wish I was more like alot of you and that's why it's such a pleasure to be here to be among such Special people.:hugs:
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