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alan74
02-05-05, 19:25
Hi, I'm a man age 31 and I split with my fiancee last July when I found out that she hd been seeing somebody else behind my back. I'm now a shadow of the man I was before the split. I'm angry all the time, I am bitter, jealous and hateful of ANYBODY who is in a relationship, full of spiteful ways of getting revenge on my ex and her fella (most of which are illegal) I have no hope for the future, I can't sleep more than 5 hours at a time so I am tetchy and irritable all the time - I just feel like dying, and I honestly feel that death is the only answer right now.
I've always hated myself. I am so ugly. Women have never liked me, so therefore I've never liked myself. How could I ever like myself when half of the population of the worls hate me just because of what I look like? My ex is the only gf I've had (4.5 yr r'ship in the 31 years I've been alive)

I don't know what to do. I cry every day and I'm consumed with equal measures of sorrow and rage.

kairen
02-05-05, 19:58
hi there and welcome to the site,

It was really sad to read you felt like that about yourself, beauty is a strange thing no one is perfect,and it is only skin deep, what is attractive to one person may not be to someone else, you must have lotsof good qualities,or you would not have spent all of those years with her,

have you been to doc.s over this maybe you need something just to calm you down for a while till you get your head together, a split up is always hard no matter of the reasons, but i doubt it was just cos,as you say your ugly, you really need to move on and let her go or you will never get on with your life, you can still live a happy life and be single you need to learn to be happy with yourself first, sorry to waffle, i do hope you get some help here and i would go to docs and have a chat with him/her... good luck.

kairen x

Meg
02-05-05, 20:00
**I'm now a shadow of the man I was**

So before the spilt you thought you were ok ?

Apart from not having come to terms with whats happened at all, and responding in a very labile, emotional but fairly normal way, you are still the same person.

It would be good to start trying to move on and release the bitterness and hate as the only person its damaging is you right now and that is what is keeping you from seeing any hope. You may want to get some counselling for this or try to do it yourself.

Equally pinning what you think about yourself solely on what your impression of others it is of no benefit.

Believe me, a 4.5 year relationship at all these days is good going.






Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

florence
02-05-05, 20:00
Hi there

Sorry to hear about your split.... and your bad feelings.
Welcome, I hope you will find the support you need on this website.

Regards.
Florence.

**To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.**

seh1980
02-05-05, 21:20
Welcome aboard!! I hope we can help you get over your past problems..:D

vernon
02-05-05, 22:38
Hi and welcome to the site hope you get some help here.
Well I considered my self ugly until I was about 30. I didn’t get married until I was 29 I was to scared to get close or talk to opposite sex as I considered myself to ugly. I have since been married 29 years, I suffer a lot of anxiety in spells, but when I look back It was me not my looks that stopped me having more relationships. Before you start you are not ugly, there is someone for everyone on this earth and we don’t all like the appearance of people the same. A really pretty woman to one person is not pretty to another and ugly to one not to another? Its not your looks its the way you are thinking and I can honestly say If you try hard and like yourself more other people will like you also. I am really not making any of this up I know this from my own experience, none can love you if you don’t love yourself. Read up on this site and I am sure you will get lots of help; we also have a chartroom you are welcome to come in for a chat. Take Care. Vernon

alan74
03-05-05, 08:40
Thanks for all of your advice so far everybody. I guess that I'm going to have to start liking myself. It's not going to be easy de-programming 31 years of low self-esteem though.

seh1980
03-05-05, 10:06
All you can do is take things one step at a time and hope for the best. Things like this won't change overnight but you can slowly make sure that your future is a happy one..:D

Meg
03-05-05, 14:18
**I guess that I'm going to have to start liking myself**

Good descision - now how to go about it...

There are books such as overcoming self esteem, there are on line courses, there are NHS and private therapists.

A book is a good place to start as it will give you an overview of where you need to head for.

CBT therapy is a good place to start .

Good luck.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

alan74
03-05-05, 15:34
Thanks Meg - I'll certainly give the book a try. Who is the author, and where would I look for it? (Amazon etc?) I know that this is going to be hard and it's probably going to get worse before it gets better - but any improvement will be worth it.