Fear of pregnancy becoming an obsession

[arie07123]

Hi all, I am new to this site, and am hoping to find others who have felt, or do feel the same as I do. I will try to keep this short so as not to bore anyone.:winks:
Roughly 5 months ago, my doctor changed my mini-pill to another brand as I started having irregular bleeding, and other not so nice symptoms. Little was I know that this was to lead to a whole chain of events that have lead me to the state i am in today.
After about a month and a half of being on the pill I started to have serious side-effects, mainly aimed towards my partner of 5 years. I became neurotic, crying, punching walls (i have never felt so angry) I began talking of suicide, couldn't cope with my 3 year old son and was just generally an absolute mess. As you can imagine Steve wondered what the hell was going on as the only time I have ever been in this kind of state was just after I had Ollie (i had PND). Anyway after putting 2 and 2 together and searching the net he realised it was my pill so inturn threw them in the bin. I then booked an appointment to see the doc to explain and was told I would need to wait till my next period before they could either prescribe me something else or fit a coil (yuk):ohmy:
Ok this will get a bit emabbaressing now so will try to keep details to a minimum. Obviously as I was no longer on the pil, we were no longer covered contraception wise so had to use the some rain cover:blush: Would you believe our luck the blooming thing split! So within an hour I was in tesco pharmacy buying the morning after pill, as right now we are not ready for anymore children. This pill and what has become a complete fear of pregnancy would lead to 3 weeks without eating, sleeping,spending every second on the toilet (TMI sorry) or generally living. To be honest I can't actually remember much about those 3 weeks,it's a complete haze, which makes me so sad as during this time was Ollies 3rd birthday:weep: Basically after taking the pill I did the worst thing that anyone who suffers from any form of anxiety can do, I looked on the internet for morning after pill failure rates:doh: . This alone has bought me so much grief it is unbelievable. The fact that the pill is not 100per cent effective has lead to an unhealthy obsession with pregnancy tests, a constant fear of every twinge in my tummy being something other than gas. (I have been diagnosed with ibs recently caused by anxiety) I just seem to be absolutely completely scared stiff of falling pregnant. Even though I don't actually feel pregnant and have had 2 normal on time periods since taking that pill, and tens of negative tests, I just can't seem to shake off this fear. The doctor has diagnosed me with GAD, and OCD, and I now have a mental health worker working on CBT.
The strange thing about all of this is that I am not actually that afraid of having another child in my life and for Ollie it would be nice to have a brother or sister, but there is just something horrible that at times completely controls my life. I don't know if it because of how bad I reacted after having Ollie, or if i'm just mad:wacko: , but I really hate how I feel. I have also noticed that everytime things get a bit much (in life in general, finances etc) or my breasts hurt (probably from my new pill) or my tummy gets bloated I find myself in the toilet doing yet another test.
There is so much more I could say but I have babbled on enough. If there is anyone out there going through the same sort of thing or has come out the other end I would really like to hear from you.

[arie07123]

Hi all, I am new to this site, and am hoping to find others who have felt, or do feel the same as I do. I will try to keep this short so as not to bore anyone.:winks:
Roughly 5 months ago, my doctor changed my mini-pill to another brand as I started having irregular bleeding, and other not so nice symptoms. Little was I know that this was to lead to a whole chain of events that have lead me to the state i am in today.
After about a month and a half of being on the pill I started to have serious side-effects, mainly aimed towards my partner of 5 years. I became neurotic, crying, punching walls (i have never felt so angry) I began talking of suicide, couldn't cope with my 3 year old son and was just generally an absolute mess. As you can imagine Steve wondered what the hell was going on as the only time I have ever been in this kind of state was just after I had Ollie (i had PND). Anyway after putting 2 and 2 together and searching the net he realised it was my pill so inturn threw them in the bin. I then booked an appointment to see the doc to explain and was told I would need to wait till my next period before they could either prescribe me something else or fit a coil (yuk):ohmy:
Ok this will get a bit emabbaressing now so will try to keep details to a minimum. Obviously as I was no longer on the pil, we were no longer covered contraception wise so had to use the some rain cover:blush: Would you believe our luck the blooming thing split! So within an hour I was in tesco pharmacy buying the morning after pill, as right now we are not ready for anymore children. This pill and what has become a complete fear of pregnancy would lead to 3 weeks without eating, sleeping,spending every second on the toilet (TMI sorry) or generally living. To be honest I can't actually remember much about those 3 weeks,it's a complete haze, which makes me so sad as during this time was Ollies 3rd birthday:weep: Basically after taking the pill I did the worst thing that anyone who suffers from any form of anxiety can do, I looked on the internet for morning after pill failure rates:doh: . This alone has bought me so much grief it is unbelievable. The fact that the pill is not 100per cent effective has lead to an unhealthy obsession with pregnancy tests, a constant fear of every twinge in my tummy being something other than gas. (I have been diagnosed with ibs recently caused by anxiety) I just seem to be absolutely completely scared stiff of falling pregnant. Even though I don't actually feel pregnant and have had 2 normal on time periods since taking that pill, and tens of negative tests, I just can't seem to shake off this fear. The doctor has diagnosed me with GAD, and OCD, and I now have a mental health worker working on CBT.
The strange thing about all of this is that I am not actually that afraid of having another child in my life and for Ollie it would be nice to have a brother or sister, but there is just something horrible that at times completely controls my life. I don't know if it because of how bad I reacted after having Ollie, or if i'm just mad:wacko: , but I really hate how I feel. I have also noticed that everytime things get a bit much (in life in general, finances etc) or my breasts hurt (probably from my new pill) or my tummy gets bloated I find myself in the toilet doing yet another test.
There is so much more I could say but I have babbled on enough. If there is anyone out there going through the same sort of thing or has come out the other end I would really like to hear from you.

[yorkylover]

Iv not been pregnant,but I think the anxiety and the panic of not wanting to be pregnant has taken over you at the moment.Also the worry of being pregnant and haveing PND is taking over you.
I can't really give you much advise but Im sure someone will help and offer you some good advise,just wanted to say you are not mad at all.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[arie07123]

Thankyou yorklover. Just by taking th time to reply to my post, even though you do not have the same issue has made my day. I hope you are well and coping well withwhatever troubles you.
Thankyou again.
Arie.x

[ladybird64]

Hiya. :)

I haven't been through exactly the same situation as you but it sounds very much like the PND you went through after having Ollie may have something to do with how you are now.
Although I didn't have PND with my last child, I hd it with my first and know how awful it can be. My last child was born with a disability that wasn't diagnosed until she was nearly 5 but it was obvious there was something wrong straight away.
I was also put on the mini pill after she was born and also worried myself sick in case I got pregnant again, I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to cope (I had another 4 kids) and that another baby might also be disabled.
This actually went on until I switched onto the Depo-provera jab, I felt much more secure with this.
So..you're not mad, it's sounds like you're doing all the right things to make sure you get the help that you need, good for you. :)
When or if you decide to have another baby can then be your choice..when you feel ready.

[arie07123]

Hi ladybird.Thankyou ever so much for your message, it helps to know that there are other women out there who have suffered the same sort of thing as me, and i'm not completely alone. I am sorry to hear about your daughter and can understand how that would have made yu scared although I bet she is a beautiful little girl who brings you lots of happiness just like you other children. I did go on the injection a few years ago but bled the entire 6 months I was on it and put on a silly amount of weight. The doc did suggest trying it again as my body will be different now since having Ollie, but I am afraid that I may have a bad reaction to it like I did the pill I recently had, and at least with that I could stop it, but once the injections in you there's no getting it out for 3 months, which is worrying. I am glad to hear though that your fear of pregnancy isn't so strong now as it givs me alot of hope that I will get better.
Thankyou again for you message and kind words and if ever you need a chat I hope I could be as useful to you as you have been to me.:)

[milly jones]

i can totally understand ur fears.

i was told at a very early age to never get caught and it has stuck with me all my life.

even now im married the fear of an unwanted pregnancy is apparent. even when ive not done anything i have been known to but pregnancy test kits to check.


i have tried the pill and it messes even more with my moods, so i stopped taking it. it never relieved the fear of pregnancy tho.

when i wanted a child i got pregnant straight away and this fuelled my fears, at how easy it was.

i have had some unfortunate experiences too with blokes in the past and this has really effected my life.

all these past experiences have lead to levels of ocd and gad which are very difficult to control, and discuss with others.

i suspect that all this checking and worrying is all part of my generalised anxiety.

it is good to have nmp to know that we are not alone.

[milly jones]

think this is a repeated post?

[arie07123]

Hi Milly, thankyou for message and telling me of your fears.

I too have mood issues with the pill, but am pretty limited now with what I can have. I am on the final pill I can take now so if this doesn't work I don't know what I will do as my faith in 'raincovers' has diminished somewhat, and I can't see steve being happy with celabacy(excuse the spelling if that's wrong)

I have already started having some side effects including sore breasts which really isn't helping with my state of mind as everyone knows 'sore breasts can be a sign of pregnancy!' Of all the side effects I could have had it had to be that one.:doh:

I spoke to my mental health worker this morning during my cbt, and I think it has become apparent that it is not actually that I don't want another child it's that, as my life is at the minute I just can't have one and that has lead to me having an absolute fear of having an 'accident'. Basically Steve works 14hrs a day 6 days a week and never takes any holiday (except xmas), which wouldn't be so bad if he bought in alot of money but he doesn't. We are both self-employed although he sub contracts to a company and I work from home to look after Ollie.Also my parents both live on opposite ends of the country to me so i rely alot on help from steves family but since their daughter had a little one I have felt I shouldn't ask anymore. I think because I have had to bring up Ollie pretty much alone I am scared how I would cope with 2, financially and emotionally. I guess it is just one of those things that I will need to do when I am ready.

I hope you are well and enjoying motherhood as much as me, if ever you need to talk or have one of those 'i need to do a test' feeling send me a message I am linked to the net most of the time due to work anyway so will be able to write back quite quickly.

I look forward to speaking to you again.

Take care

Arie.x

That little boy is definately the light of my life.:)

[Cherry Milkshake]

Hi Arie,

Just thought I'd say a quick hello as I just posted a thread about periods and panic and PMT and this is somewhere along the same lines. I do have a coil fitted myself, but since I started getting panic attacks a few weeks ago I've not had a period, and have done three negative tests. I aslo don't particularly want to become pregnant at the moment as it is very much not the right time for me and my partner, so I can understand your concerns here. It sounds seeing as you are still having periods that the chances of you being pregnant are slim, so keep that in mind first and foremost. Also, having a coil whilst it doesn't relieve all the worry of becomming pregnant isn't as yukky as it may sound and is pretty effective as far as I'm aware, plus if you have the copper variety as opposed to the hormone one it shouldn't mess with your normal hormone variation too much which may help? Just a thought, maybe it would make you feel more secure? Other than that hun just keep working on combating your anxiety and remember as I'm learning there's lots of others going through this too. All the best, and if you ever need a chat feel free to mail me. I've had some family difficulties over the last year but right now being a mum is pretty much the only thing that's keeping me going.
H x