View Full Version : That which does not kill me...
....makes me stronger. This saying seems to be everywhere at the moment. Is it just me that thinks it isn't true? I know that must sound negative, but I feel weakened, not strengthened, by all that I have been through. I feel that it is possible to survive a trauma, but never really be the same again... perhaps wiser, perhaps more compassionate, but weaker. In 'San Quentin', Johnny Cash sings 'And I'll walk out a wiser, weaker man.' That's kind of the feeling I'm talking about. I feel in some ways as though my suffering has expanded my outlook, made me more compassionate, less dogmatic, kinder and maybe even wiser, but it has also weakened me - parts of me have died along the way, even as other parts have come to life. But I was thinking about this saying, and I must say it does not ring true for me at all. How do others feel about this? I would really like to know.
milly jones
30-07-08, 22:16
no hun
if we were weak wed give in
we are some of the strongest ppl tht exist
were diligent, loyal and true too
we will not let anx beat us
sometimes when ur down ud do anything to rid urself of this
but there are 1000000 of us. and most survive without doing anything daft.
i think that anx will not kill us, it makes us strong and durable.
i value ppl with anx, theyre tenacious, stubborn and work hard for what they want and who they care about
take care milly xx
Hi Samira,
Every time I hear that expression, I think but what if it doesn't make you stronger what if you just keep plodding on, still trying to deal with your problems, and fighting your demons. None of the problems that I have been through, those caused by anxiety, or other things that have happened have left me feeling strong.
I do feel different, and I feel that I have learnt things because I have suffered from anxiety, I have coped with situations that I never thought was possible and still survived. Its just that I would like to be able to do a lot more than just survive.
I don't feel strong, sometimes I feel so tired and worn out just by my own thoughts. I feel more compassion for people and can emphasise with people more. I feel oversensitive not only for me but for other people. I get upset if I hear people in work being ridiculed or treated unfairly because I can really relate to how bad it would make me feel if they were doing it about me, I can actually feel it, if that makes sense.
Maybe when we at last beat this and get better, maybe thats when we will start to feel stronger. I hope so.
Take care Anna xx :hugs:
milly jones
30-07-08, 22:22
praps its how we view others with anx and not how we see ourselves?
another case of i know what to say and do, but i just cant do it myself.
at the moment i am feeling strong tho. i am achieveing things. but next week, well that may be different lol
milly xx
Thank you both for your comments :hugs: I feel very much like you Anna, that's pretty much what I was trying to say. I do know what you mean too Milly, I suppose in a way we're stronger than we realise... we have to be! xxx
Glad you're feeling strong at the moment, Milly! You can be strong for both of us!! xxx
xBettyBoopx
30-07-08, 22:32
Samira Hi
It's not true for everyone. I hate these so called sayings that once upon a time someone made up & then everyone thinks they are true. I certainly am physically & mentally weaker than I was, it's all stuff & nonsense:lac:
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ladybird64
30-07-08, 22:33
....makes me stronger. This saying seems to be everywhere at the moment. Is it just me that thinks it isn't true? I know that must sound negative, but I feel weakened, not strengthened, by all that I have been through. I feel that it is possible to survive a trauma, but never really be the same again... not perhaps wiser, perhaps more compassionate, but weaker. In 'San Quentin', Johnny Cash sings 'And I'll walk out a wiser, weaker man.' That's kind of the feeling I'm talking about. I feel in some ways as though my suffering has expanded my outlook, made me more compassionate, less dogmatic, kinder and maybe even wiser, but it has also weakened me - parts of me have died along the way, even as other parts have come to life. But I was thinking about this saying, and I must say it does not ring true for me at all. How do others feel about this? I would really like to know.
Hi Samira :)
This saying is my mantra. Yes, I have had what many have considered a "difficult life" (including my therapist) but all these difficulties have made me what I am today, hopefully I'm not too bad a person!
Compassion, kindness and wisdom are what you say you have gained, I hope that I have gained some of these qualities along the way (well, dunno about the wisdom!).
I have had terrible moments as I know many others have, including those where I honestly couldn't take any more and didn't want to wake up to face another day.
Bereavements, addictions, health problems have all reared their head in the past but I'm still here, against the odds. Yes, these problems have taken a big toll on me but somehow a submerged strength comes from nowhere and I cope. Not always brilliantly and I often feel that I lurch from one crisis to another, but I know that I will come out of it in the end.
I guess it depends on your view of strength and weakness but I honestly feel that if I can survive one crisis, I can survive another. I also hope that some of my experiences can be helpful to others and in my eyes the ability to show support and understanding to others, no matter what the circumstances is the greatest strength of all.
I have had some lovely support and kind words from people here who are fighting their own battles but they have spared time to help me..that's the kind of strength that I'm talking about. :)
Sorry for waffling, have been awake since 4am so I hope this makes sense!
Just adding this as a PS, I have re-read what I posted and have realised that I shouldn't post when I'm knackered.
I'm really sorry if I come across as being a pompous windbag, it really wasn't my intention to make it into a "me, me,me" post. Apologies again.
hiya samira well for me its very true whether it be dep, anxiety, grief, debt, parents etc i have had probs with them all and each time makes me alittle stronger to fight on and learn lots and become wiser.
me at 19 is so different to me now at 34, i am a much nicer and better person but am strong enough through my experiences to pick myself up and carry on but better and in a much more confident and postive way. i think it makes u stronger in all ways really.
i think samira u r strong and sometimes facing fears and making changes is the hardest thing to do and we think the worst but once we have done or said wot we feel to be right then u will know in your heart that it was the right thing and u will be at peace with yourself. i know u have your probs with your parents and this has prob caused alot of your anxietys but u must always do wot u feel is right not wot anyone else thinks otherwise u will have a life time of regrets. i am the same and i have faced alot and still doing it now it can be done, u will be ok hun, u are a lovely person.
woo sorry i gone on abit totally off the subject haha never mind. hugs to u mate xxx
Makes perfect sense to me Ladybird :) .
Samira - I understand what you're saying, though as you've described say - Johnny Cash, "walking out wiser, but a weaker man", can mean a whole lot depending on his own circumstances, he was describing his life at that moment/or those past moments/feelings, I feel that he was describing his sensitivity.
It's a poem, a song - I don't think it necessarily means that he feels 'Weak' as a person, but feel's broken by emotions and what life's thrown at him.
Unfortuately, life can be cruel,.. hard sometimes, and leaves us feeling broken because of things that we've been through.
I believe Anxiety is within everyone, everywhere, it's all caused by something and usually something to do with our past, we're all human and infact much more similar than we seem to think.
From what you've described saying that you've felt weakened, (I understand those horrible feelings),.. only I truly feel that you do become stronger when you've found your way out of this darkness. I think that maybe you should give yourself some more time and try not to feel guilty about the time you are taking to get yourself well.
Down the line, we come across hard times, and experience similar feelings, only I do believe we're able to deal with them much better than before.
I too have been through quite abit, luckily my life's going ok right now. Infact, i'm amazed that lifes been so kind to me right now :)lol. I have learnt so much, and I think and truly believe that this has made me a stronger person inside than I ever was before. Well, to be honest, I know it has.
I'm still in recovery,.. but I can now look back.
You will get there too Samira, promise :) x
Captain America
31-07-08, 00:09
i think to feel stronger you have to first come out the other side. while in the middle of fighting anything you're going to be weaker...whether it's anxiety, depression, or physical illness.
but can you imagine beating THIS? i mean, how much further on top of the world could you get when that time comes? it's what i strive for. and i know that when i get there i certainly will feel stronger for what i've gone through.
but for now, yeah...i'm beat. down but not out.
Captain America
31-07-08, 00:11
i meant to say i agree with katie. sorry for not mentioning that!!
Stronger? Weaker? I'm not sure because it's subjective. One persons weakness could be considered another persons strength and vice-versa. What do you consider being strong?
Anxiety is Worry. Worry is created by Fear which has surfaced due to a build of pressures in our lives or a period of emotional stress.
We can either allow our fears to control us or learn how to control our fears but often I think it's somewhere inbetween because we learn how to adapt after our anxiety has become too much to cope with so that we can live a happier life acceptable to ourselves.
Anxiety makes us "feel" weak but we're actually more capable than we realise. We just can't see what we achieve because we look at everything in a negative way so focus on what we consider are our failings.
I wouldn't call anyone on here weak because to survive takes strength. I guess you'd say a strong person wouldn't suffer from anxiety but then does that mean to worry is a weakness? If no one worried about anything or anyone, would this world be a better or worse place to live?
We feel weak because our fear prevents us from what we want to achieve and when our fears then affect others, we then feel guilty which re-inforces our feelings of being weak but then if someone is disabled and in a wheelchair, would they too be considered weak? Of course not so then why should someone who has reached their stress limit be considered weak? Others haven't experienced our pressures or have our sensitive nature. To call an anxiety sufferer weak would be to say being sensitive isn't normal but what would the world be like without sensitive people who care about others because of their sensitivity?
I still firmly believe that if everyone in this world were anxiety sufferers, this world would be a better place to live because we'd all be caring about each other so how could people like that be considered weak?
We all just want to do What we want to do without being prevented by our fears but everyone in this world has a fear of something so we are all equals so I don't think it's a case of being weak and becoming strong. It's a case of learning to live the life we feel happy with without changing what makes us who we are.:hugs:
It is som easy to feel weak tho when your partner is in bed asleep and yet you are awake at 4 30 am after having a panic attack when you haven't had one in months
Are relapses normal in the anxiety disorder world? I hope so as I am really frightened right now
PLease someone reply if you are online
You are Not weak and yes, it's perfectly normal when you're suffering anxious thoughts.:hugs:
Think about what's going on in your life at present compared to the previous months. Has anything changed? Is there something that's been worrying you recently? I'm sure a worry or a build up of pressures will have triggered this so please try not to be afraid as it'll pass. Try not to focus on how you're feeling.:hugs:
Thank so much for your kind words
I have no particular reason to feel worrried I just woke up with my head feeling strange and dizzy and it was a good few minutes before I realised it was a panic attack
Do you suffer from insomnia and can you aplease advise me on any sites you know apart from this one where people might be chatting? I think I just need to online chat until I can sleep
xx
When I say weak, I mean frailer, more fragile, less robust. I'm not using the word in a derogatory sense, just a factual one. I don't mean to offend anyone or suggest that in any way anxiety sufferers are inferior people.... I think the reverse is true. Most 'normals' would reel at the prospect of living with the sort of suffering that many of us have to endure day after day, seemingly endlessly. That does take 'strength', I agree.
My point was simply that, overall, I feel depleted by my experiences. I feel that I will never really be carefree again. I feel as though, once having felt like this, it will haunt me, in some way, for the rest of my life. I do not simply bounce back, toughened and ready for the next bout, in the way the saying suggests. That's all I meant, really.
Never ever ever ever ever give up!
That's all it is. You choose success by taking each step forward everyday. I want to just say that I don't even know you, but from your post I feel a certain sense of gratitude, knowing that people like you are out there trying to fight this thing with all your heart - just like the rest of us are.
You give others encouragement with your own daily struggle and by that you are helping everyone in this forum.
Feel good about yourself. You're a good person. You will overcome this anxiety. And we'll be here for you until it happens.
Thank you very much, woofytalk, that's a lovely thing to say. :hugs:
I have moments where i think that i am strong for coping with this for such a long time, but then on the other hand, IF i were strong, surely i would have beaten this disorder by now.
I mostly believe in the latter.
Personally, i've become more angry. I am angry a lot of the time. I let little insignificant things wind me up when i should be more chilled. I believe i have turned into an extremely unlikeable person. WHO in their right mind would want to be associated with a fricking agoraphobic loser - none of the friends i had, thats for sure. Its the years of pent up frustration i've from being this way and the only person i have to blame is myself, but how can i take it out on me? I can cut myself as a release, but that doesn't solve any problems either. After i am bleeding/scarred, i am still bloody angry. I shout, alot. I seem to be unable to get my point across without gobbing off. I feel no one listens to me. I feel within my family, ALL problems come down to me being "this way" and i know it does effect EVERYONE...and there you have it, i feel guilty and more angry.
I wish i could learn from this experience and grow as a better and stronger person, but its really hard.
It was Nietzsche who wrote that, and he died of syphilis. I don't think his syphilis made him stronger, it just made him insane.
Wow, thanks for that, Francis. I can always rely on you to say something cheerful (kidding).
Sorry things are so bad for you, Belle... I do sympathise. I don't think that just 'being strong' can conquer our type of illness any more than it can conquer cancer or heart disease, so the fact that you're still struggling (as are most of us) doesn't in any way mean that you are not strong. Coping with anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia requires enormous effort, courage and fortitude. The fact that we don't have any choice but to keep going doesn't make us any less brave. xx
I have to say that I used to feel so worn out because of my anxiety. Panic attacks were weakening me and I felt exhausted and tired of everything. I used to feel like that for 5 years.
Then, all of a sudden, 2 years ago I started to feel stronger. I was able to do a lot of things that used to scare the hell out of me (like taking a bus, for example!) and now I realize how these 5 horrible, horrible years were simply a process, the one I had to go through in order to feel ok today.
I still feel bad at times, but I know I can never go back to how I used to feel, and you know why? Because what didn't kill me, made me stronger! :)
Sometimes time is all we need. Hey, if I haven't gotten on that bus 2 years ago, I might have never gotten my driver's licence now, gone to university and so on and so on...
Stay patient and you'll get there, I promise! :yesyes:
Ana xxxxxx
Thanks for all your comments, I found them really interesting and helpful. I didn't mean to be negative, I just wondered if there was anyone else who felt like me about it. I've found your comments interesting and encouraging. xxx
That which does not kill me can only make me stronger.......i've been waitin all night now I can't wait much longer... who sang that( it's doing my head in lol) the reason i ask is because this song used this quote and then the rest of the song did not make any sense to me because of how i interpret the quote.
If I can explain..... up until recently anxiety and panic would have always stopped me from challenging things that really upset me. Usually this involved challenging people over their behaviour. Now theres no stopping me since i expressed my unhappiness to a manager in a job.
Samira....that which does not kill me can only make me stronger....is a mind set. It's about learning and putting into practice, hence the strength to deal with things like our anxiety.
Just my tuppence worth.
Pooh xxxx
Ps Francis telling us about the origin of the quote so made me laugh lol I loved it. Here we all are debating and analysing deeply its meaning and the guy who said it went nuts and died of syphilis. You gotta laugh at the irony LOL TY Francis xxx
I guess what "That which does not kill me can only make me stronger" means is that you learn by your mistakes, which makes you wiser and stronger.
I used to read a lot of biography's of people that are considered survivors, to see what the difference between them and the average person was. I came to the conclusion that they have a higher level of what I can only define as "the spirit of man", or women for that matter. It's something that's inside some people that makes them never give in, no matter what they are up against. They would never give into panic because it was not in keeping with their self-image. I guess what it really is, is a type of arrogance combined with pride?
Tom
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