Yesterday i thought i was going to harm my children

[sarahjayne0963]

i had these awful thoughts about harming my children yesterday as i was putting up wall pictures kids were asleep. It really scared me thought i would act them out killing my kids going to prison etc. I do not have ocd as some have said but i am a perfectionist. i am on two week work break so want to enjoy my kids not scared of being alone with them. Having read some posts i am a little calmer about it but i feel so guilty and can't stop thinking that i i had these thoughts in the first place. i want them to never come back.

Sarah

[Nechtan]

Hi Sarah,

That sounds very frightening and I hope someone can give you the advice you need. I couldn't even begin to imagine how those thoughts left you feeling so am in no position to offer any advice. It sound though like this is something you really need to discuss with someone.

All the best

Nechtan

[marie1974]

hi sarah these thoughts u r having are just you worrying and mayb worrying about coping with the children etc, they are just thoughts and u will not act them out its just down to anxiety and worry and how u are genually feeling. im sorry i not much help on this but im sure quite a few on here will be able to offer u better advice hugs xxx

[Tom_M]

Hi sarahjayne0963

Let's try to rationalise what's going on here. Though you might not have OCD on a regular basis, this however is a typical OCD thought process.
Why do we have these thoughts? Well it's really down to our imagination creating scenario's to see how we react to them. These type of scenario's nearly always involve something that we would never carry out, yet they cause us great fear at the very thought of having them. And that's the key to it really - why did this thought come into my head in the first place? No doubt lot's of people get these thoughts. The TV and papers are full of stories involving things like that happening, and they do stick in our minds. It's just that when you are feeling little insecure about yourself thinking about things like that can scare you.

Tom

[milly jones]

its important to remember that these are only thoughts, ud never act on them hun.

i have irrational thoughts sometimes, but id never do any of the stuff i imagine.

i think its the anx and fear of what would happen if.....

take care and if it still worries u, talk to ur gp

milly xxx

[nikita]

hi. I used to feel like this when my child was just a baby. I put it down to maybe post natal depression or something but it freaked me out so I know how you feel. You are maybe stressed out with the responsibility of minding the kids, and perhaps need a wee break. Keep coming on here when you feel like that and people on here will calm you down. :hugs:

[kendo59]

How old are your little'uns? Could you be suffering from Post-Natal Depression?

Are you finding everything is a bit of a struggle at the moment?

Do you have a partner, or any family, that can help look after the kids, to give you a break? Or even someone like a close friend or family to talk with about this?

[Alabasterlyn]

I used to have thoughts like that 30yrs ago when I had my son. Looking back now I am sure it was either a bout of post natal depression that wasn't picked up or a bit of ocd. I used to think it was normal to tidy my son's toys away in a set order and I would sterilise not just his bottles, but all his toys too! Now I have a granddaughter who I look after I can really see how different I am with her. I just toss her toys back in the toy box, I don't sterilise anything that doesn't need to be sterilised and I have no negative thoughts at all. All this proves to me that childbirth can have a huge impact on us that we often don't realise because we are so busy looking after a new baby.

If you have ever read any Claire Weekes books there is a whole bit in one of them about this kind of thing and she was quite emphatic in her books that these are merely thoughts and that everyone gets 'bad' thoughts but those of us with anxiety tend to worry and brood about them.

[tantopat]

I sometimes suffer from OCD, and it does sound like that's what is causing these thoughts for you. One thing that I've learned is that thoughts tend to become scarier if you try and block them out, so as horrible as they may be, sometimes it's best to let yourself think them, and then work to change them. At the end of the day they're your thoughts, and they can be controlled. One thing I find useful is to let myself think of nasty scenarios that pop into my head, and then change them into something good. Perhaps if you try that if these thoughts come back, it might help you as well! :)

[m_r_t_o_m]

that sounds absolutely awful. I have had intrusive thoughts like that in the past but i have learnt that

a) they are only thoughts, and you did not act on them.
b) it's impossible to intentionally not think a thought. My told me to not think pink elephants for 10 minutes. i last a few seconds.
c) the fact you are so scared by them is in fact an example of how you would never do it, and it's nothing more than a manifestation of your anxiety.
d) another tip i was told was to intentionally think the thought over and over and see if anything happens ... which of course nothing will.

i hope i've helped a tiny bit.

[Zingara]

I'd like to recommend a book (if I'm allowed to make recommendations on this site, I hope so!) The book which really helped me is called 'Obsessional Thoughts and Behaviour' by Frederick Toates. He is a very senior research psychologist who also suffers from OCD. This book was like a revelation to me when I read it, it was the first time I had ever read a proper account of what it was I was suffering from. It helped me to turn a corner in my obsessional illness. I'll be grateful to him for the rest of my life!