Monophobia (fear of being alone)

[Squibbet]

Although only recently diagnosed, when I think back, I've suffered from this most of my life. It's just that for the first 53 years, I was rarely completely or effectively alone and I've only actually been continuously alone for the past 6 years. It does explain previous breakdowns and some childhood events though. Due to other factors (self-consciousness due to my appearance, panic attacks, very low physical energy) I find it very difficult to get out and meet/visit people, but now that Mental health Services have finally kicked in, I go to a Resource Centre once or twice a week.

And therein lies a problem. I have the panic attack before the transport comes to collect me, but dose myself appropriately and screw up my courage and off I go. And I enjoy myself while I'm there ... I find relating to some of the other people a bit difficult, but there are a few I relate to quite well. I'm only there for the morning, but I always get my own taxi home to give myself the flexibility of doing shopping etc afterwards while I'm in town (I live in a small village). I took that option after yoga and lunch today ... did some 'theraputic'-type shopping :) and browsing, got groceries and other necessities, and generally completely wore myself out.

And then I got home. And the lonliness that's always there hit, but harder. As it always does. I sleep off the immediate weariness, and then I ... do nothing, basically. I can't seem to turn my mind to anything; nothing is adequate distraction; nothing holds my interest. I do a lot of staring at nothing, thinking of nothing.

I need these mornings in company. I need to re-learn how to meet people and make friends. But the intensified aloneness afterwards makes it feel almost masochistic, self-destructive, and I wonder sometimes if I should just give up on the idea and resign myself to ... being on my own. :shrug:

[Worried worrier!]

I can really understand this, i try to busy myself during the day and when i get back home alone, i really don't know what to do and feel like i'm having a bit of a come-down.
I do have my toddlers but i still feel 'alone' although if they are out with their grandma i feel REALLY bad.
Have you got any pets?
I got two cats a few years ago and it seemed to help.

[Squibbet]

Hi, worried worrier! (Can I call you WW, or maybe wowo? ... it's quicker to type! But only if you don't mind, of course :) )

I have no toddlers anymore ... they grew and flew some 8-10 years ago. But cats? Oh, yes! I have 3 ... the older one I got just before my ex left, the younger two a couple of years later, all rescue kittens. I've never lived anywhere without cats, even as a child.

And yes, they *do* help ... I have to admit that I've just been indulging in a staring-at-a-sleepy-fly-crawling-across-the-floor game with one of them! :blush:

[blossom]

I have suffered from agoraphobia, and Monophobia, for many years I was 19 when the first panic started, I so understand what monophobia is like.I originatedfrom a Romany family, many years ago, so you can tell we were a very close family.We lived in houses,( not caravans ) but one road we lived in there was 6 aunties and their familys, and 2 uncles and all my cousins,so did not make many friends outside the family.
After my parents passed away, I moved to be about two lies away from my son and his family, but I have lived here 18 years in Hertfordshire, and only one neighbour speaks. I know times have changed from when I was a child, but the anxiety of being alone is still with me.The rest of my family have passed away, or moved abroad, and the loneliness is dreadful, I have been on medications for over 40 years, Depression has now set in and not a day passes by when I do not think of the past, and like some have mentioned they have no interest in things.I do try to get out with my husband and cousin in the car but can only do short distances, still apprehensive when out, and yet when I come home, the tears start, the house being empty
Sorry to have gone on a bit, but what a life to live in fear all the times.
from Blossom

[Worried worrier!]

WW is much easier yeah so that's fine!
I always find myself in a muddle and staring at things when i'm on my own, i wish being alone didn't make me so anxious.
My safe place is with people who i can chat to so maybe i should be on here more in the day!

[Squibbet]

Hello, Blossom! :)

You seem to have gone through this particular mill even more than me, with agoraphobia on top. At least for me, the nervousness of going out the front door is relatively recent and physical in origin. :hugs:

I notice you're on MSN. I'm on there too, but rarely log in as there never seems to be anyone else O/L, and seeing all those 'offline' statuses makes me feel more alone than ever. Would you mind if I sent you a greeting (via here) so you know who I am there ... maybe we could chat on and off through the day sometimes? I find just the passing short comments, the sort of way you would to someone who was physically there (e.g. "Guess what! I've just seen *four* newts in the pond!") can help tremendously.

[Squibbet]

Hi, WW! :)

Yeah, it's the passing of casual comments that can help prevent the aloneness from kicking in ... the sharing of the small things in life ... "If that cat from next door tries coming here again, I'm going to invest in a water-rifle!" kind of thing! :)

I'm really looking forward to passing through my 5-days probation so I can go to the Chat Room! :)