View Full Version : My Cruising Experience
nomorepanic
05-05-05, 21:16
Well as most of you know I have just got back from a 2 night cruise from Southampton - Le Havre (France) - Southampton.
I am posting this here as I have to class it is a success despite not having the best holiday in the world and actually hating being on a boat [xx(] This may take some time so get a cuppa and sit comfortably. I am partly writing all this as a diary too so please bear with me :)
Well we got to Southampton on Tuesday at about 2.15pm and couldn't find where to park as the original departure date had changed so the ship was no longer docked at the same bay. We eventually found it and parked the car then had about a mile walk back to the terminal as I was too nervous so couldn't use the free shuttle bus they had. As I got closer to the terminal I called my mum and couldn't hold back the tears - I was terrified of getting on this ship! She calmed me down and by the time we finally got on board at 3pm I had calmed down a bit.
We were taken to our cabin - very nice and comfortable (even had a TV) and when we looked out our window we were right at the very front of the boat and there was nothing blocking the view of the sea.
I immediately wanted to go for a tour of the boat to see what was on offer so we did the tour and then went back to unpack. Then off to the sun deck where they were holding a “sail off” party. The music started, the Thomson rep’s starting dancing and being “happy” and I sat there terrified. Alex got me a drink lol.:D
When we finally started moving off at 6.30pm I couldn’t hold back the tears and I was sat there trying to hold it together and not make a show of myself. I wiped my eyes and gritted my teeth and drank my wine!
I started to calm down after about an hour and called my mum leaning over the side of the boat telling her I felt ok and even though I was a bit nervous I thought that I could soon calm down.
About 2.5 hours after we left we decided to get some food and it was whilst I was sitting eating this that I suddenly felt really dizzy and weird, I was having to hold on to the table to stabilise myself. This was when Alex announced that we were now in the English Channel so it may be a bit rougher than before. Hmmmmmm.[xx(]
Things got worse and I had to abandon food to go up and deck – I always feel better when I can see the sea and get some fresh air. I couldn’t settle though and was starting to get panicky. Alex took me back to the room to lie down and I was really struggling by now. I couldn’t go anywhere to get away from the feelings and although lying down was better, the bed was vibrating up and down as well so I was rocking and jumping all over the place. I was going to take a Diazepam but had a couple of drinks and was worried of the effect it would have on me. I haven’t take any for years so was even scared of taking them. I was even contemplating calling Meg but we were out of mobile range and I thought that I needed to control this myself.
I lay there panicky and crying for about 10 minutes with Alex calming me before I started to settle a bit. My mind was racing – how could I get off this boat now. Hmm well they weren’t going to turn back for me, I didn’t want air-lifting off (as if they would lol but you can see how my mind was working). I didn’t want sedating by the doctor cos that would freak me out. So I decided we had to get up and do something to distract my mind. We went to the Internet Café and hence my post that night saying that I had mad a big mistake doing this!
After that we watched a show (Elvis tribute), spent a lot of time on deck, had a drink, wandered around etc etc. anything to distract me from what I was feeling. All the time I was still feeling the movement though and I was terrified that I was going to lose it and go into a full panic attack.
So eventually to bed. I knew that I still had over 5 hours of feeling like this and questioned how I was going to get through it. I didn’t sleep all night and Alex got about an hour at most. We were bumping up and down in the bed and I was swaying from side to side. At about
So, when are you booking the next one? ;)
Good post Nic!:)
WELL DONE NICOLA.
You achieved it, you survived. You can do anything.
Take care
Emma xx
Keep focused, keep positive.
Hi Nic
Pleased to read that and however hard it got for you you got through it and coped.
So there is some positive to come out of it and think how you feel you did really well to go on a cruise. You should be really proud of yourself you did it and achieved it.
Admiration to all of us that suffer like that.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
nomorepanic
05-05-05, 22:44
Actually Sal I feel that I failed this time. I hated it and I didn't cope very well (in my eyes) but it had to be a success story cos I did it. But as for how I feel now - I am very down and very sad that I couldn't enjoy it cos it has now cut off another form of transport and Alex will never get a holiday abroad.
I am trying to be positive but feel like a fake cos I hated it truth be known and I know that I did well to cope but that won't change my holiday situation and I am still confined to the UK and that is hurting me.
Sorry - feeling very down tonight :(
Nicola
nic,
dont feel down, feel proud in the fact you got through it, and without a diazpan........well done to you.
also, consider the fact that perhaps cruising just isnt for you, my mum is the clamest laid back non anxiety person ever and she hated cruising!! said she never ever go again as she couldnt sleep, the motion terrified her, the closed in feeling made her feel odd......so perhaps at times we blame everything on our anxiety when possibly many many others have felt odd and anxiuos on a cruise.
sometimes i think we force ourselves to do things and perhaps sometimes this is good, however if it forcing ourselves to do something that just really doesnt suit us and nvever would even without anxiety then why bother?? we have no points to score here........
im sure your anxiety would of added to what you went through but as i say my mum went through similar and shes never had a panic attack in her life....so you are in good company!!!
and why leave the uk if you dont want to?? so many beautiful places to see.........i dont consider myslf to be a failure for my hatred for flying.......occasinally force myself to do it........but as awful as the experince is i know that alot of non anxiuos people also hate it so dont beat myself up about it..........
u are what you are.....and what ur are is a very special caring person who hates cruising.........not a failure but just a person who has things she likes and dislikes...just like everyone else is this world...
so...turn that frown upside down and give me a big smile!!!
sleep tight on that non rocking bed.......
andy
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Actually Sal I feel that I failed this time.</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Well one of my sayings is " You don't fail until you stop trying ."
You went on that boat, and you managed it somehow, it's a sign of courage.
I admire you Nic just for facing your biggest fears.:)
Well done.
Take care
Florence.
**To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.**
Hi there Nic,
You're so strong for getting through that! I've been through so many similar situations where I've been on something or have been through something that I've paniced my way through and at the end I think "oh that wasn't too bad, I enjoyed that" but really what I was saying to myself "I feel so happy that it's now over, I hated it and feel much better now". As doddy pointed out though, a lot of people really don't like the cruise thing or flying for that matter. I'm not a very brave person on the water and would rather avoid it. My holidays are usually UK bound too. It's the break that's important and as long as you enjoy it, well, that's the main thing!
Mark x
Hi Nic,
Welcome back, im so sorry you didnt enjoy yr break, I think you did amazing just trying it knowing that you would not like it, so well done you. Im going away in 4 weeks flying it is my biggest fear, and i have my 2 girls with me so know i cant panic, last year i had to come out of airport. I did eventually get on the plane. only cos of girls and how gutted they would be if i didnt, i was petrified, sat crying pretending i had something in my eye. You did this of your own back and could have at any point cancelled, so dont think u have failed, you cant make yourself like something if your not comfortable with it.
anyway welcome back
kairen x
Nic you did it and that's what matters!! You could have always jumped overboard and swum back lol. But hey, put it down to experience and a bit of an adventure - but well done cos lots of people wouldn't have had the nerve to get on the boat to come back..:D
nomorepanic
06-05-05, 11:04
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">u are what you are.....and what ur are is a very special caring person who hates cruising.........not a failure but just a person who has things she likes and dislikes...just like everyone else is this world...
so...turn that frown upside down and give me a big smile!!!
sleep tight on that non rocking bed.......
andy
<div align="right">Originally posted by doddy - 05 May 2005 : 23:25:08</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Thanks so much for those words Andy - that has really cheered me up today. Here's that smile you wanted :D
I know I am not really a failure but I so wanted to do this and enjoy it. I think I may try once more in the summer on a bigger boat maybe. If I could just get used to the motion of the boat I would be ok but it just made me get panicky cos it was never ending.
I know that I don't have to like everything and I am very hard on myself when I don't like something because of the panic. Alex said that the movement was "annoying" to him but he could cope with it. I had exaggerated feelings of the motion and then that became anxiety.
I am feeling a bit brighter today and slept well on dry land.
Thanks again Andy
xx
Nicola
nomorepanic
06-05-05, 11:06
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> It's the break that's important and as long as you enjoy it, well, that's the main thing!
Mark x
<div align="right">Originally posted by mjh74 - 06 May 2005 : 00:29:45</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Thanks Mark:)
I did enjoy the cruising life and there was lots to do - I guess my post never touched on the positive side of the holiday atall [Oops!]
Maybe I will now get on a Ferry to the Isle of Wight at least eh?
Nicola
nomorepanic
06-05-05, 11:08
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote"> Im going away in 4 weeks flying it is my biggest fear, and i have my 2 girls with me so know i cant panic, last year i had to come out of airport. I did eventually get on the plane. only cos of girls and how gutted they would be if i didnt, i was petrified, sat crying pretending i had something in my eye.
kairen x
<div align="right">Originally posted by kairen - 06 May 2005 : 09:42:35</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
I wish you all the luck in the world with that one Kairen :) You are very brave to do it again knowing how it was last time. I hope it all goes ok for you too.
xx
Nicola
nomorepanic
06-05-05, 11:09
Flo and Sarah - thanks for the words of encouragement too. I appreciate it.
xxx
Nicola
Hi Nic Hun :D
Firstly may I say you are NOT a failure! [No] You did so well I am proud and you are an inspriaration to us all![Yeah!]:D
You did the trip and that what counts mate![Yes!]
Ok so you felt very panicky and didn't enjoy it that much. :(
I'm sure a non sufferer who hadn't done a cruise before and didn't like the sensations would feel panicky and anxious and want to get off. So please don't worry or feel sad hun you made the best of it. You did all that you possibly could to overcome it and the main thing is you STUCK IT OUT HOORAY!![Yeah!][^]
You will get there hun as you know it takes small steps and you have just taken a HUGE one! [Wow!][Yes!] although a bit wibbly wobbly that was the sea's fault though LOL! [Oops!]
I know myself I like boats & I don't mind a few hrs on them but thats it i wouldn't really want to stay on one so I wouldn't fancy a cruise at all. So I wouldn't even do that kind of holiday you have to try these things first though else you never know and thats what you did so WELL DONE YOU!:)
Perhaps as you say go for a smaller trip later on one that doesn't invole sleeping on the boat!
I hope you feel better and well done for finding that inner strength and getting through it![Yeah!]
Take care,;)
Love & Hugs PIP;S XX
Hi Nic
Pleased you got some sleep and are feeling a bit brighter. I know that you dont feel good about how you felt on the trip, but you have to remember that you did it, committed to it in the first place which i know will have being the biggest step for you.
You even say you might try it again in the summer but on a bigger boat, thats not a failure at all, that is someone who is going to be beat by it.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Nicola - everytime you view that trip as not succsessful read Doddy's reply, it's spot on.
Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves and don't allow ourselves any fears or dislikes at all - everything has to be our inadequacies because we are 'nervy'. I do this time and time again and then realise lots of other people around me don't like things and they don't beat themselves up about it or blame it on anything.
You did great for giving it a go and you're allowed not to like it. Like Doddy says there are lots of places in our country to visit so we don't all have to be globetrotters.
Some of the happiest people I know have never ever stepped out of the country. This also goes for life in general we don't all need to live 'BIG' to be happy and successful either.
I think you're brill and this site is such a credit to you [8D][:O]:)[:P]
Lots of love Piglet
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I know I am not really a failure but I so wanted to do this and enjoy it. I think I may try once more in the summer on a bigger boat maybe. If I could just get used to the motion of the boat I would be ok but it just made me get panicky cos it was never ending.
<div align="right">Originally posted by nomorepanic - 06 May 2005 : 11:04:02</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Nic, you can't say for one minute that you're a faliure when you want to do it again. We've all been in these kinds of situations (I know I have) where you want to make a real effort, but just don't seem to be able to overcome that fear.
The important thing to remember, is that we have no control over that fear. if the fear wants to come, then it will, it's how we approach these things that count. Your post is quite inspirational in the way that you are really approaching this with a positive attitude. Even though you hated it, you're still considering doing again. That takes a lot of strength and determination. And with that attitude, you'll eventually overcome your fears. What I've learned from experience, is that you certainly can't turn off your fears overnight. It takes a lot of time to do so. This trip may have been a bad experience, but you have learnt that you can survive it, and even do it again if necesarry. You've proved to yourself that you can take up this challenge and embrace your fears in a positive way. The outcome is not important, this will come with time.
You've shown a lot of bravery and you should be proud of yourself.
mico
Hi Nic,
I think you did really well, you never gave in and lived to tell the tale, that's an achievement in itself, so you don't like cruising, so what hun! i would not even consider it, nothing to do with panic/anxiety, just don't fancy it, along with loads of other people i know, still rather travel by 'plane, and you know how bad i get before that! you have given so many people confidence to give it (and others things) a try, knowing that we can and do get through it, i am very proud of you, along with everyone else. take care xxx
nic,
glad you slept well on dry land and are feeling better today......thanks for the frown being turned upside down!!:)
ive been cruising a few times and the big boats are alot better, first time i wnt though i was quite anxiuos and kept thinking when i was on the balony what if i jump off!!!
so this time im going im gonna stand there as say go on jump!!! lol......hope i dont mind you as i cant swim!!!! im laughing at this as i can now but it did make me shake last time!!!
anyway, glad to see you are feeling a little brighter so keep that smile and that lovely face for me!!
andy
**and Alex will never get a holiday abroad**
WALOT...
You proved that you can control anxiety and prevent panic. This is a massive benefit and one you can use to get about more.
You proved that you have enormous JFDI power to get on with it and stay with it..
You are capable of trying new modes of transport or putting up with uncomfortable ones in order to get somewhere. We've seen that several times now in succession. Wales , AA man, bridges, tunnel, M25, M4,Blackpool, cruise..
...so I'm not having you declare and get away with such a permanent and final statement.. I'll get you going somewhere.
We are all allowed foibles and choices.
To beat anxiety does not mean we need to be super human. We need to learn to distinguish between false fears energised by extreme thoughts.. and genuine dislikes..
Love
Meg
Hi Nic
You did extremely well to go on the cruise and manage the anxiety without allowing it to escalate into full blown panic. This is in no way a failure. You decided to go and went through with it despite the fear and bad way you were feeling.
Give yourself some credit for your achievements.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">We are all allowed foibles and choices.
To beat anxiety does not mean we need to be super human. We need to learn to distinguish between false fears energised by extreme thoughts.. and genuine dislikes..
Love
Meg
<div align="right">Originally posted by Meg - 06 May 2005 : 16:01:49</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Very succintly (spelling dodgy) put.
I've just printed that off and am going to stick it in my journal to remind myself its okay to dislike things - it's not always anxiety.
Love Piglet
nomorepanic
06-05-05, 19:29
I just want to say a BIG Thanks for all the lovely replies and support. It is very warming to see how much everyone cares about me.[^]
I have had a talk to my mum tonight about it all and we have come to the conclusion that I am quite simply "too hard" on myself with everything that I do in life.
I like to succeed! I was like that as a child my mum reminded me. I have always been stubborn and hated to fail at anything whatsover. Since getting the panic attacks and anxiety my life has turned around and I am unable to do all the things I want to but I carry on trying. When things don't go quite to plan I see it as a failure in my life and I beat myself up over it.
Well now I think I have to accept that I am who I am and I am allowed to "fail" at things. I can't be super Nicola all the time and sometimes I won't feel so good and I won't get the result I want.
If I am perfectly honest with myself I have been beating myself up over such things as flying but I HATED it before I even started with Panic. Like a few of you have said "why do I have to like everything and do everything". Well I agree that I don't. Ok, I hate flying and maybe I will never fly again - so what!!
I had a serious talk to myself today and I think I am maybe not very kind to myself. I always want to overcome any issues and problems and I have to accept that I can't always do that.
I am a strong person and I am not a failure and I need to remind myself of that over and over. [:I]
Thanks all for kicking me up the bum to remind me of what I am capable of and not what I can't do.
Let's hope I can turn this around and start being kinder to Nicola in the future.
I appreciate all the replies and you guys have always been there for me so THANKS:)
xxx
Nicola
I saw this quote and thought of you!
"ships in harbour are safe, but that's not what ship's are built for"
I think you had a good idea - maybe you could do a day trip to the isle of wight!? on a calm day? you could pop over during the day, stay overnight on dry land then ship it back the next day? theres some good things to do on the isle of wight too! just a thought!
well done to you. You did it - just relish in that thought!! [Yeah!]
Lisa
xxx
Nic - You achieved what many of us couldnt. Remember that.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Nicola - your last post could have come right out of my own mouth, the whole lot. I'm going to try and do exactly as you suggest for yourself.
I flew to the USA when I was 16 and almost kissed the tarmac when we got off the plane back home - I knew then (that was 22 years before anxiety) and I know now, I hate flying and its the one thing I don't care about admitting to, oh and lifts, oh, and toilets without windows (have to use those though) oh, and waltsers at the fair, Oh, and............
Love Piglet
hi nic,
sorry, am a bit slow, only just read your post.
WELL DONE!! i know exactly what you mean about always feeling like you want to succeed - i think a lot of people who suffer from panic/anxiety are too hard on themselves in all aspects of life and that is why they suffer. but at least you did it - i would have downed that diazepam within minutes of stepping on the boat!
also, a bunch of thomsons reps jumping around and being "happy" would be enough to freak anyone out lol.
i think you did brilliantly - i know people who don't suffer from panic or anxiety and still wouldn't get on a boat or plane if you paid them.
anyway, well done mate!
henri x
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