Partners of people with GAD

[popsy]

I havent been on the forum for a couple of weeks, ive felt ive been doing really well and have felt i would come back and help when i felt stronger to help other people once i truely felt better...... as usual though ive slipped back abit and am feeling my GAD alot more.

What i wanted to ask people about was how they cope with their relationships and there GAD?

My husband has been fantastic for the last 8 months supporting me, i have felt guilty as he also has a very stressful job and gets very tired with that, supporting me and our two young children. Last night it all came to a head, he was tired i grant you but he basically said that my condition 'cant go on anymore' and that 'he cant cope with it anymore' and that 'the only person that could make me better was me, and i have total control over whether i am better or not' he seemed very angry and said he was angry at my condition not me - it didnt feel that way, anyway me and the condition are attached!!! Ive tryed my best to make him understand what i am going through but he obviously doesnt understand, i guess unless you've been there you cant.
So here i am at home today on my own with two young children on summer holidays feeling panicy, tearful and totally alone. He said this morning he was sorry and he didnt mean what he had said but i know he did, i dont know how we can move on from this now knowing how much it is effecting him, i dont even feel like i can be honest anymore....

Has anyone else been through a similar situation? How do you make your partners understand and how do you get over things that have been said and cant be unsaid???

Please help me, i feel incredibly sad today and kind of lost, i thought he was my rock but now know he isnt. I feel terrible i have made someone i love feel so bad...

Popsy :weep:

[leonardomonkey]

My wife suffered PTSD about 3 years ago, ( i was fine at the time ) i was always there for her and was her rock, but there was some times i lost my temper, it was usaully brought on by exterior forces i.e. work family etc, and i would say things like your husband said, not because i was angry, but because i was frustrated that i could not help. I never meant to hurt her when i said things like that.

It hard to watch someone who you love struggle so much with themselves, that it can cause frustration.

Now the tables have turned and sometimes my wife losses her temper with me, because of the same things.. She get frustrated that she cant help.

Don't change your opinion of your husband being your rock. He still is, he had a weak moment and gave into frustration. It's a human condition. I know it does not make it any easier to hear though

Hugs& love
Leo
:hugs:

[Zingara]

I really feel for you. I've been in this position myself, I know how awful it feels. I had a similar experience with my boyfriend a couple of months ago, seemingly out of the blue he said my illness was 'getting him down', and that he understood I couldn't help it, etc, but that didn't really make me feel any better! I just listened, and swallowed my feelings of hurt and rejection, and once he'd got it off his chest he seemed fine again. I do still talk about my problems to him, but I limit it, and try to make a point of talking about other things. I do still worry though, not least because there are so many things I just can't do, and by extension I feel like I'm stopping him doing them. It's tough and I really do empathise. But don't give in to feeling guilty and useless, as I tend to do, this is an illness, and a particularly nasty one, in my opinion. You might as well feel guilty about having asthma, or heart disease! I've had my fair share of physical problems as well as psychological ones, and in my experience the physical illnesses are easier to cope with by far.
Unfortunately, you have to 'be there' to know how awful this illness is. My boyfriend is not a sufferer, and I know that deep down he doesn't really understand. I accept that, after all, how could he? I know that he loves me and supports me, and I have to be content with that. One of the reasons this site is so helpful is that it gives us the opportunity to talk to people who really do know how we are feeling.
Take care and don't worry, I'm sure this will pass. :hugs:
PS If you don't mind me asking, was everything ok with that lump in your neck?

[Nechtan]

My wife has been great and very supportive but from time to time she explodes too. It's only natural as they cannot fully understand and the extra burden will at some point get on top of them.

Because we've just recently had a baby, in January, we have the health visitor around and my wife felt she was able to open up to her because the situation really was getting on top of her. From this she went to the doctors and talked things through which seemed to help- as an offshoot of that I should be getting help soon too. I don't know if such a thing would help your own partner. I suppose though it still comes down to the extra load they have to shoulder and it's bound to get on top of them at some point.

All the best

Nechtan

[popsy]

Thak you for your replies and being so understanding, i have spoken to my partner since, he was very sorry and said yes it does get to him and he was really sorry for putting the emotional pressur on me that he did last night, he explained it to me that its like when the children are really getting to you so you explode at them, but it doesnt mean you love them any less or would ever stop liking them or being with them, just sometimes things just get too much. It does get to him as he hates to see me this way, i must admit if the situation was reversed i dont kno how well i would cope???
So thank you all again for being there.
Much love to you all
Charlie x x x
PS Thank you Samira for remembering about my neck and caring enough to ask, my results were fine (PHEW!) and i was diagnosed as having glandular fever in the end anyway!!! XXX

[milly jones]

ohh pops hunny

u know my situation

my hb tries but he never understands. he just appears to not be able to empathise with me. when i want to be alone, he mithers me, when i need to talk he gets cross or hasny got time, when i need him to show me im special he just cant seem to make me feel so.

i was really hurt this week when my son, whose into kayaking, wanted a new playboat. my hb told him that he couldnt have one cos i wasnt working. if i had have been at work he could have had one. this comes after several comments about me choosing to have this, so i dont have to work. but saying that to my son really hurt. it was as if he blamed me for not earning money to give my son what he needs.

i think hes getting fed up of the illness too. this is the second depressive episode and he cant seem to get it. hes from the snap out of it thinkers.

ur hb clearly loves u, and things will be ok.

uve been doing so well recently hunny. it will get easier

hugs

mill xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[popsy]

Thank you so much for replying to my posting :flowers: especially as i havent been there for you or others as much as i should have been recently, so much has been going on that i find it difficult sometimes...

Im so sorry that your hb said such a hurtful thing to your son, i dont think they 'think' sometimes and also feel that if they try the tough love thing it might work! How wrong they are, to me its the worse thing anyone can do to me, i guess you feel the same, we are incredibly vunrable and any hurtful remark is magnified by 1000 immediately.
My hubby is normally fantastic, i know im so lucky, and he has come home tonight with flowers and sorrys, i know he's trying but he doesnt really get it.

I have been doing so well recently so im incredibly disappointed that i can suddenly feel so stressed, panicy and depressed for no apparent reason??? However i am finding the summer holidays difficult, it was always a time i was dreading as i need so much space with my anx and basically i am getting none. I am dreading tomorrow another day of children from 7am, ollie has his friend coming in the morning, poppy will be asking me to do this that and the other and then a friend and her children are coming round in the aftenoon, which means trying to tidy around the house and make it reasonably presentable, all feeling like im about to have a major attack. Last night was the first time i had a pa in weeks, and every time i have them i can never remember how i got out of the last one, today i feel awful, on the verge of one continuously and again cant remember how to move on from it.
All i want if for everyone to go away and let me cry and cry and curl up in a ball in bed.
Oh Mills and all those at NMP, its so unfair what did we ever do to deserve this???

Thank you for your continued support and always being there for me, i dont feel like i deserve it, but you are so lovely........ :hugs:

Hugs C xxxx

[milly jones]

pops i know ur there if i need u hunny

no need for sorrys hun, was good that u didnt need nmp

mill xx