hi

[trudyleaver]

am feeling very low. shouldn't be just can't stop others words making me depressed . i have just driven around for 20 minutes crying uncontrollaby. how mad is that. all my life someone has been able to really hurt me and make me feel scared and alone just by saying things which i know i haven't said or done. i get manipulated into believing that i am some awful person then i become anxious and can't go out or do anything. it is worse now because i am not at work til september so i could just stay here hiding away. sorry that must sound pathetic but i just want to stop crying and say that the things said to me don't matter but they don't go away.

[Lindalou64]

Hello Trudy And Welcome You Will Find Lots Of Info And Suuport Here, I Wish Ya Well, Linda

[kellie]

Hiya :welcome: to NMP its lovely to have you here, you will get lots of support/advice/reasurance and make some great friends along the way. Sounds to me hun like you are suffering with depression due to low self esteam and lack of confidence about yourself. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you are feeling?. as well as being here i think that would be a good starting point. keep posting and we will help you as much as we can.

take care :hugs: :hugs:

kellie.xxxxxxx

[trudyleaver]

i have seen doctors. when i was a child i was put on anti depressants that made me feel really awful. have fought off depression over the years. it started when my father was abusive to my mum then my brother and me (verbally and physically hitting) every time you forgive but it always starts again. got married, three children, husband who got fed up with having to be there left after some years of me putting up with beiing put down despite working and keeping the family together when he did what he wanted. we divorced, i survived after hitting rock bottom and scrambling up again. met someone thought i would at last be happy. but he started to drink, something he hid when we first met. 8 years of me forgiving drunken nights of verbal abuse and some physical, being told how it was my fault again as my father used to. i made him leave when he hit no punched my 16 year old son round the head for trying to stop him hurting me. i forgave him when he begged to come home after 3 weeks and my son said he accepted his apology. he stopped drinking and got counselling, i thought that he must really care. don't know if it's me, no i know it isn't. he goes through stages of not talking then says i have said something to upset him. tells me i am like my father, i told him and so have other family members of how he is. he has just gone out for the day after not talking to me for 2 days of the week he has off. then tells me i am a bully, my fault was talking to the dog saying the cold water in the fridge hadn't been refilled. i try to talk and am told how bad i am, for everything including spoiling our only day out, i was badly seasick and apologised for this. am now alone and cannot stop feeling sad and scared that my life will always be apologising for things i don't do or something i cannot control.

[marie1974]

hi hun and welcome, my partner was hit bad by his mum when younger and suffers even now and a very close friend of mine is being beaten by her partner and put down verbally but she is ready to leave now finally. please know that this is definately not your fault and my friends partner drinks heavy and know for drugs use, he puts her down loads and she feels awful. it drags you down in the end and u start to believe it.

please get rid of him cos he is no good, my mates partner, pretended ha couldnt remember beating her and stuff for 2 hours and talking to her vile, he promised yet again to change quit drinking and started counselling, she thought great glimmer of hope. now he back to his vile self and cant be bothered with counselling and blames her for the way he is. you need to spend time by yourself with your kids and learn to love yourself and find the true u, mayb some more counselling etc but if u feel good about yourself and confident and in control u will not meet horrid controlling men like your hubby. i been there and lots of others have too, but id never let anyone treat me that way again. hugs and we all here for you to support you.

[milly jones]

hi trudy

welcome to nmp hunny

are u something to do with school? im a teacher.

if u need to pm me np

love milly xxx

[trudyleaver]

ta for support. feeling better this evening. drove around lots and have eaten now

[nomorepanic]

Hi Trudy

A warm :welcome: aboard and lovely to see you here.

Hope we can be of some help