View Full Version : THIS IS ME
Just wanted to post on here to explain why i feel i can help people and to relay my story with no inhibitions about who i really am.
Fitrstly Nic trusted me to be an administrator which i was really hounered to feel she trusted me so much.
So now i feel i can tell you all about me and why i know how you or some of you feel.
I have clutched my heart and wanted it all to end, i have looked at my daughter and wanted to stop being a mother, I have hit the bottom where no one could pull me out of it apart from Sam (my daughter)
I can honsestly say this illness took over my life and her dad who she doesnt get on with had to take her as i couldnt cope. It made me worse but i had no choice but to resign myself to the fact that i couldnt be a mother. His girlfriend at the time took over from me and that hurt but seeing or hearing Sams voicd scared me to where i couldnt breath.
That pain killed me and i let someone down who depended on me for nothing more than trust and love. I was scared to be near her in case i lost it and hurt her, imagine wanting to hurt something that gave you the reason to live.
At times it still gets to me but i hold on to how much i love her and how she has kept me going and this post is from the heart and probably the most honest one i have done.
Maybe i sound shallow, but i achieved what i needed to and that was to trust in my love for Samantha and not let anxiety dictate how i feel. But again it did last night so in panic i shut her bedroom door and mine so i couldnt be near her and thought about taking a disazepam but i wanted to fight it alone and did and although i didnt sleep my thoughts went away. She woke up through the night which she never does but i believe that was to test me and yet again i cuddled her and wont let this beat me.
This isnt a positive post i know that but it is one that i wanted to share with you all. I advise people and it is only through experience and through caring but it is time that i should be honest and tell it how it is for me at the moment.
It isnt good and i am having those horrible thoughts and i truly would prefer to be dead than think them. Sam is my life and if i ever let her down i wont forgive myself.
Being honest and just wanted people to see i am human and not coping.
Any adivce on site i give is from the heart and to help those who suffer but maybe after reading this you will all want to dismiss me.
Although ashamed about how i feel i will post it as its time for me to be honest and that is the least i can do.
No longer is the brave face after what has happpened at work this last week.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sarah-Jane
07-05-05, 09:53
awwwwwwwwwwwwwww hugs Sal an honest post and loads of respect to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Love & Hugs from Sarah-Jane xxxx
Sal,
**Although ashamed about how i feel**
There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of . The thoughts as we all know are a integral part of this disorder and as you say - none have ever happened even when you thought **I was scared to be near her in case i lost it and hurt her,** You are too good a mother for it ever to take place.
Thoughts not instructions
Thoughts that you fear will not come to pass
They are simply thoughts that come and go. By shutting your doors but staying in the situation last night and dealing it upfront shows you how in control you are and why all these illusions will never happen.
In reality, you are probably one of the safest mothers around. Just remember how well you dealt with her allergy ..
Maybe after reading this you will all want to dismiss me.- Err why , you're just like the rest of us have been or still are . Who better to help others ?
Love
Meg
I have 3 kids 1 a baby at 5 months 1 at 5 and at 9, I know how u feel when it comes to kids, I dont know how old ur daughter is.
My kids dont know anything about my problems but what hurts the most if they want to go out sometimes and although im alot better some days are just not that good and i have to let them down cause i cant go out now that hurts.
I also push them away and i dont kow how sometimes when they come to me and talk i tell themto get lost and now im starting to feel like a bad mother and that i dont care about my kids but i do i love them loads but sometimes i feel like i cant cope with them.
I wonder to myself what they will think when they grow up will they think i loved them or not.
aaawwww Sal we would NEVER want to get rid of you hun!!! You are the best person to give advice and wouldn't trade you for anyone in the world. Thanks for sharing :D
hi Sal,
I feel honoured that you have had the strength to be completely honest from your heart. And what a heart! it is huge! Not only are you having your own problems to deal with, you are still on hand to offer your advice to me and others who are also struggling. This just goes to show what a strong character you have and how your advice means more to us than anything exactly knowing that you are going through it to. So please dont stop because we need you.
You have given me some great advice lately which I and many others take on board and repeat it and think of it throughout the day to help get us through it.
Thank you for everything. I think you are very brave and a wonderful mother who always puts her daughter first.
Please keep smiling :D
Lisa
xxx
Hi Sal
I must admit your post brougjt a tear to my eyes. This disorder can be sooo horrible at times:( As you know my daughter suffered PA aniaty for a long time and then some one decided to show me what she had been going through. One night on holiday after my 4th PA that night I heard my daughter crying I looked around and she was sitting in the cormer of the room with fear in her eyes. My first thought was I was going to hurt her bacause at that time I was having a PA myself. She screamed at me "make it go away" in the past befor my PA I could deal with this and would always be able to calm her. This night I found it very hard the thoughts that where going through my head where horrible.
I wanted to share that with you because I know now that these thoughts are all part of this disorder and that they are only thoughts.
This site and the special people on her have showm me that, and you are one of those special people.
You are a good mother Sal and a kind caring person. You take time out to help other people.
You and the other special people have made me what I am today and that is feeling better. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
The advice you give is priceless and I know that in time you too can learn how to feel better.
TAKE CARE LOVE AND A BIG HUG JILLXX
MAY YOUR TROUBLE BE LESS
AND YOUR BLESSING BE MORE
AND NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS
COME THROUGH YOU DOOR.
bluesparkle
07-05-05, 12:57
hi sal..
i have read your post several times this morning and gone to reply but its a bit difficult through all the tears... !
i dont find putting things into words very easy but i know i struggle with my kids when my illness is bad.... i want them away from me and dont want to be a mum anymore...god thats awful to say isnt it...but i know its the illness not me
i know that i love them very much and wouldnt want to be without them but at the moment i am grateful when they are out... i just keep pushing them away at the moment.. and i also feel that i am a bad mother... they need me especially beth and if im honest they are whats kept me going when i have been at my lowest...
you will never let sam down you are far stronger than that ... i have read your other posts and i think you are great the advice you give both myself and others is good and definately from the heart you are a good person...
this site has taught me to be honest and that how i feel is nothing to be ashamed of
rach x
ps yes that number is my mobile so please text if you like
nomorepanic
07-05-05, 17:05
Sal
Thanks for sharing this. You had mentioned in the past that you thought that you would hurt Sam but I knew that you would never do anything to hurt her as you just don't have it in you.
You are a great mother and a lovely person and you will continue to get stronger each day.
I appreciate all that you do on the forum and maybe I don't say it enough but a Big Thanks to you for all you do on here.:)
Big hug mate [:P]
xxxxx
Nicola
Hi Sal,
Not too good at handing out advice, your post made me cry, you are a good mum, these are thoughts, you have had them before and managed ok, and probably will have them again, and be ok. you have had a tough time recently and this has brought back these awful feelings, i so respect you for being honest, keep in touch, and please keep handing out advicexxxxxxxxx
Hi Sal,
I like blue read yr post a few time b4 replying, i think what you have been through at work is bound to take its toll on you the stress of that would have been enought to send me over the edge you have handled that brilliantly, as for sam i think you are a great mother who always puts her daughter first, you love her and protect her and she knows that i think every one who feels like we do has the same thoughts at some point you need time to your self and you being on yr own must be really hard but i think u cope really well, and the advice you have given people on this site has been from the heart and that post was so honest it was a so moving how could anyone think bad off you when you have helped us so much your just having a tough time at moment
I think you are a stronger person than you think and i do hope you feel a bit better knowing how much you are thought of in here take care huney bigg hugg xxx
kairen x
Hi Sal hun!
You are a wonderful caring kind giving person who is a fantastic mother and a credit to NO PANIC! So don't ever forget that mate!
Remember call me anyime if you need me hun!
Loadsa love & Respect to you!
Take Care,
PIP'S X X X X
Thank you for all your replies, it has touched me and i appreciate all your support.
I know i have had hard times and tonight is no different. Sam is asleep in my bed and as i feel so anxious and have those horrible thoughts i have come out and shut the door.
I hate feeling like this but also feel a lot of relief being able to tell you all and the support you have given me in return.
Nic you never have to thank me i do it as i care and want to help you.
Meg as always puts me back on the right track and cant tell her how much i appreciate her continuous support.
Sorry if my post upset people but as i said it came from the heart and it took a lot of courage to finally tell my story and how it is. I am a lot better now and look back to how i was and it frightens me that i will ever go back there. I know i still have days when Sam become my enemy in my head and i hate that and still cant quite understand it.
I have being to a friends 40th tonight and took Sam and my ex husbands girlfriend who contributed to my marriage break up was there with her new partner, so i went over to talk to her and said regardless of the hurt she caused i can appreciate how she felt when John had an affair behind her back just as he did me and was pleased she had moved on and had a new guy in her life. She was like Sams step mum the one who took over when i lost it and i told her she was welcome to come to mine whenever with the twins as they are Sams brother and sister and also she is part of Sams life and has being for 7 years.
I should be pleased i did that but yet again i still feel a failure as i know i let Sam down and wont and cant ever forgive myself for that.
I appreciate everyones support and i feel honoured that i can be so honest and people will accept me for how i react and feel. It has taken me a long time to do that post but by doing it, it has helped me but it is the replies and continued support that has helped me more.
Thank you.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Sam has just woken up again and how do i cope. Yeah i have settled her but now i am in total anxiety and feel i have let her down again.
I know i punish myself through Jane being her mum and now i do it alone as she doesnt see her dad, and that is her choice but how i am will this affect her.
At the moment i hate me and dont want to cope but have no choice. I want someone to come along and take away this pain and insecurity.
I wont fail Sam but i am not sure how i will do this and get through it.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal,
You havent let Sam down at all, and this will not affect her.
I hope you feel a bit better..
bluesparkle
08-05-05, 10:03
hi sal...
how are you this morn?
i do not think how you are will affect sam...although i sometimes wonder the same about my lot especially beth...
i know what you mean by wanting someone to come and take the pain away... dont we all.. i just wish we didnt have to fight so hard to even accomplish the most "normal" things in life...
but i do think that as we get through things that must make us a stronger person in the long run.
beth didnt sleep through the night until she was 6 and i was on my own with her since she was just 2yrs... i dont know how i did it sometimes on top of everything else..
you have not let sam down in anyway... you are a great mum... and you care so much for how she feels etc...
dont hate yourself you are a good person...
i hope today is ok ...
take care
rach
Sal,
Some men never change, do they??
You have not let Sam down at all. That girl adores you & you are a good mum. None of us are perfect so please remember that..
Sarah :D
Hi Sal
Just caught up with this post! wow!!
You are such a lovely person and so good to everyone on this site, I truly respect what you have said and admire you so much for saying it.
You are a good mother to Sam, you did what you thought was best at the time and you and Sam have come through it.
I have had horrid thoughts but always to frightened to admit them to anyone , just reading this has made me feel so much better, so from the bottom of my heart I thank you.
Here if you need a chat, you know my number.
Take care chuck
Elaine xxx
Hi Sal hun,
Firstly Well done you for going to that party! You coped well!
I know you feel like you won't cope but i promise you darling you will get through this. You have had alot of stress recently so it's only natural to feel out of depth and scared at the moment. Dig deep hun and pull out all that inner strength you possibly can!
I wish i could take away your pain for you. Please try to stay strong and remember you are a wonderful mother and Sam is very lucky to have you!
Take care and remember Im here for you!
Loasdsa Love Respect Strength and Positivity to you!
PIP'S X X X X
Thanks you so much for your replies and it has helped me.
It took a lot to open up as i was really scared people would judge me as a bad person and i didnt want that as i truly love Sam and hate how i feel.
Elaine, you have being a great support and i am pleased my post has helped you. Recently i know we have become close and i value everything you have done for me and i know that regardless of how i feel you will be there for me.
Pips you are always there and i am for you hun as you have your problems but from the start we have supported each other and connected.
Sarah you have being great and it is a reassurance knowing you are close by if i need you and Ed is always so supportive.
Sam played up at bedtime tonight and i shouted at her, something that scares me so much as then i feel i am losing it. She went to bed crying but after 10 minutes i called her back down and we had a cuddle. I didnt apologise for getting cross i just wanted her to understand that regardless if i get cross it doesnt stop me loving her and that she needs to respect me more. She went to bed happy and i wasnt then so scared to come upstairs, as when i got cross with her i was afraid to come upstairs and turned the tv up so i couldnt hear her cry as that made me more anxious.
I feel a lot calmer now but still hate how when i am anxious that i feel i might hurt her or others and that starts to escalate. I am pleased i have done this post as it has helped me that people dont judge and understand. It has taken me a long time to open up and admit how bad i get and in time i hope i can trust they are thoughts and not actions, like Meg has always told me.
What makes it worse i guess is the job i do as i know that i work with people that are capable of doing it so straight away think i must be, as it is no longer fictional but real life. That i do find really hard and can feel myself at times at work wanting to run away from what they are telling me they have done. I didnt suffer when i joined the prison service and would never have entered my head to do so if i felt like this then, but leaving wont change how i feel as it is quite well stuck in my head and i dont believe a change in career would be the answer. I feel that sticking to this job will prove that i can overcome this and my fear of violoence only came out when i witnessed a horrible fight at work and that triggered of my childhood memories where my father was very violent to my brother, mum and me.
My CBT says it is all related and that i am scared i could turn out like him and lose it how he did on numerous occassions. He used to come in to my room at 2 in the morning saying he had hit mum and she had run away so i had to get my clothes on at 9 year old and traul the fields of the farm looking for her.
Feel it is all coming out now and it is helping me letting it and thank you for all listening.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
How are you today?
It's time we all listened to you as you are always there for everyone else 24/7!
I'm glad that getting everything out of your system is helping you to move forward and this will eventually help you to put closure on things that have happened in the past.
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
How are you? I am feeling okay but still working hard at addressing some of the issues that i have kept locked up inside me. Just hope by really coming to terms with them i will be able to move a step further forward on the road to recovery.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
I think you have done so well up to now with your past issues and I truly think that by what you are doing you will eventually be able to come to terms with it all and fully recover from it all.
Well, back to dusting!
Catch you later
Tak care
Elaine x
Hi Sal,
Reading your post brought tears to my eyes only because it's obvious to anyone reading that you love your child very much otherwise you wouldn't be worrying.
I'm a divorced mum too and when I first had anxiety I was worried I was a danger to my kids and cried and cried at the thought they may be taken away from me (I now see how daft that was) despite all around me saying this was silly.
Something my GP said to me at the time did help. He said that you imagine the most frightening scenario for your particular circumstances and your anxiety perpetuates it. For most mums the most scary thing they can imagine is hurting their own children so bombard themselves with anxieties about this. As soon as I stopped worrying about it my anxieties moved on to different things.
I look back now and wish I had taken up more offers of help and not been so determind that I could do it all on my own (sure this contributed to my overall anxiety levels). You are only one person and it's quite natural that you would need help here and there (who wouldn't).
You will look back on this at some stage and realise you needn't have worried (hindsight - what a wonderful thing)!
Much love Piglet
"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.:)
Hi Piglet
Thank you for your reply, i really appreciate the support everyone has given me to this post. Its taken a long time to come to terms with it and when anxious i still really struggle and want to distance myself from Sam and just run away and hide. Last night was a bit hard for me but i am hoping we have a less stressful bedtime and i dont get myself all anxious again.
Thanks.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal,
I'm sorry to hear that things aren't so good with you right now and I wanted to let you know that while I was lurking (for 5 months!) your support of others, supported me and for that I am grateful. And now it's your turn. Think that's what this site is all about - we all take turns!
When I was really bad this winter, I couldn't stand being around my children. Kept thinking that was going to ruin my chances of getting the "mother of the year award"! But you know what, there's nothing in the rule book that says we have to be on for them 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you've got to walk away and shut the door, so be it. Kudos for you for having the sense to know that at that moment you're not on and that during all the other moments, you'll love her to bits and do the very best you can by her. That's all they really need.
Thanks for sharing -
Sue
Hi Sue
Thanks for your reply and it is good to have had some great support as before i posted it i was worried about how people would react, when deep down i know everyone would want to help me.
Sam has being ok ish tonight but i felt the anxiety rise but took deep breaths and tried to do the best i could. She has had an allergic reaction a few weeks ago and it came back up tonight but i stayed calmed and dealt with it best i could.
She is a bit hyper at the moment as she is 10 on Thursday and she cant wait to hit double figures and be more grown up.
Regardless i coped and felt a bit better than i have the last few days.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
bluesparkle
10-05-05, 11:00
hi sal...
how are you? and how is sam? is she feeling better today with the allergic reaction.
gosh 10yrs old... i have one of them running around the house!lol the excitment is definately a double figure thing :D
are you doing anything special...
im so pleased you feel a bit better...
you do great... you are a good mum
rach
Hi Rach
I am taking her to the fair tonight with my sister in law. Then she has her best friends staying tomorrow night and on her birthday on thursday she is having some friends round for tea.
She was going to have a sleep over but that seemed a bit too much for me at the moment, but she is consoled by the fact that we have booked to go to majorca in June with my sister in law Jane and my neice Rebekah. So that has really added to the excitement.
Then on Friday she is going to my mums with a friend and she is taking them out for a meal then swimming on the Saturday, which i guess by them ill be totally worn out LOL
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
bluesparkle
10-05-05, 12:20
that sounds great...
i hope she has a lovely few days ...im sure she will
rach
Hi Sal
hope you have a good time al the fair tonight,
I think everything you have done has been in sams best interest, and when she is old enough to understand i think will have the upmost respect for you and all you have done for her, you have been through some very hard times by the sound of it, but have turned out to be a very caring and honest person, and im sure sam loves you with all her heart,
Hope she has a lovely birthday, and you enjoy it too
take care xxxx
kairen x
Hi Sal hun,:D
You are such a FANTASTIC MUM and you handled the situation excellently with Sam.[Wow!][Yeah!]
I'm so sorry about your past hun. It will do you good to open up and air some of those deamons so well done mate. I appreciate how difficult this is for you. You are doing so well and you are facing your fear and dealing with it. I am proud of you!;)
Your job is bound to have an effect on you. Just think when you have those bad irrational thoughts what it would be like on the inside with your work mates looking after you! [}:)] Nightmare huh LOL!
Remember I'm always here.
I hope you have a nice time at the fair and Sam has a lovely Birthday! Enjoy your week hun.
Loadsa Love & POSITIVE hugs.
Take care,
Love PIP'S X X X X
Thanks for all your support.
It has being a hectic week and Sam has being as high as a kite but she really enjoyed her birthday and when i got up with her yesterday morning i couldnt believe my baby was 10 and so grown up. She had a great party and some school friends came but my brilliant neighbours came with their children of all different ages and got Sam some lovely presents.
By about 6 Sam still hadnt had a card from her dad but we have not had a good week with him. But she resigned herself to the fact that people on her doorstep cared more. Simon got her an MP3 player which she loved and he helped so much getting all the party sorted and picking the girls up from school. My neighbours husbands came round to ask if Simon wanted to go out last night for a few pints, which i told him he should. He has clicked so well with them all, aswell as with me of course and Sam. So all in all it has being a really good week. I got anxious about 6.30 when Sams dad rang to say he was going to call down but Simon stood by me and helped me through it. Then once he had gone out with the boys, Ann Sharon and Amanda stayed with me until he had gone and for a few extra hours as Simon had got us some wine in.
Sam got some great presents and has gone to stay at Ahsleighs tonight as tomorrow her mum goes away on holiday on a late deal so i have Ashleigh for the week which i dont mind at all as she is here most of the time, but Sam was supposed to be at her dads for the weekend but stated that she would not be going and that i couldnt force her, which i would never do. He blames me but i can see how he is with her and how it is totally down to him.
I normally would blame myself but after arguing with him this week i was reminded just how he treated me when we were married, another control freak in my life, jumped from my parents straight to him. Regardless if right or wrong he wont admit it and i really havent got the inclination or strength to fight with him.
What counts is that i have Sam and if he loses he i know that from the minute she was born i gave him every chance to be her dad and i cant do any more than that.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sarah
Sam asked me if i would post on here to thank you for the present you sent her. I did try to tell her i suited it more but that didnt go down well.
It was so kind of you and Ed to send her a present and with all the birthday money she got it is full, which i believe gives me even more rights LOL
Thanks and sorry didnt get you called back yesterday, but by the time i got her and Ashleigh settled then Simon rolled in from the pub well say no more.
But thank you for calling Sam on her birthday she really appreciated it
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Had a weekend that i thought was going really well. Sam went to my mums last night with Ashleigh and seemed to settle okay and i went over to my neighbours Sharon, had a brilliant night, although Simon wasnt there as he was at work. I ended up staying late and talking to Sharon after everyone had gone and she herself is suffering from depression and we talked and i hoped i helped her. Sam came home today and then her dad came down and after her birthday experience i wasnt looking forward to it. He hadnt got through the door before he started and i always stay calm with him as losing it i know is fighting a battle i wont win. But when he started shouting at Sam i totally lost it. The 9 years since we have split up and how he has gone on with women and affected Sam came out, even about him having an affair when we were together which he denied. The more he denied it the angrier i got and in the end i told him to get out and that no longer could i respect how he feels that Sam doesnt want to see him and it was down to him and i am no longer prepared to make excuses for how pathetic he is.
After he went i felt guilty and still do but some of the things needed saying.
Sam has played up again tonight and again the anxiety what if i lose it or hurt her came out. She is now in my bed and i have come in here and shut the door frightened to go to bed. I hate this feeling and know i should be over it by now.
But however hard it is i will go to bed with her and wont run away from it. Thanks for listening.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Hope you are feeling better today.
I'm not surprised you were feeeling anxious after the time you had with Sam's dad. Remember that what you were feeling about Sam was only thoughts and they will go away eventually, mine did. The anxiety had to come out somewhere last night didn't it?
I think what you said to him yesterday had to come out and although you are feeling guilty you will feel better for getting it off your chest.
Take care
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
Thanks for the reply. Had a weird day today, i took Sam to school and laid on the bed as i felt drained and anxious the next thing i knew it was 1 pm and i felt worse. I just feel so tired and worn out with all last weeks events and last night just topped it.
I am at the doctors tomorrow morning so i guess i will be back at work soon. Personnel said i should get a couple of more weeks off but i think i am going to suggest that i should go back to work sooner and get myself back into a routine.
I have seen the occupational health nurse from work and she has put me on prisoner free contact when i go back to work for 4 weeks minimum so hopefully i can do weekday day shifts and still have my weekends off before i get thrown back into the deep end.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
hi sal,
you seem to be feeling your way through alot of stuff at the moment, hopefully to your long term benefit. it can be very draining but seems to be the only way to do it for some people.
take the suggested time off of work, cos although it might provide you with a routine, you will most probably put your feelings to the side to accomodate work.
you take care ... andrew
Thanks Andrew
Appreciate your reply. Hope you are doing okay.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
nomorepanic
17-05-05, 21:06
Hiya Sal mate
You have a lot of stuff going on and it is hard to put it all into context sometimes.
You are doing fab and I have every faith in you feeling better soon and handling all the rubbish that is thrown at you.
You are strong person and you will get through this ok.
Big hug
xx
Nicola
Thanks Nic and believe it or not i am starting to believe that i can cope.
Was at the doctors today and he has signed me off for another week. then i got a phone call from my boss someone that is acting up as Senior Officer for me as i am off sick so that gave me the kick i needed.
Sam has being a pure git again tonight but took deep breaths and let it past.
Me and Simon are getting on really well and for the first time in years i actually, apart from my problems with anxiety, feel really happy.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Really so good to hear you're feeling happier Sal ..
You've had a rough ride..
Love
Meg
Thank you Meg, but i am happier and a lot more confident when the bad days come around. Thank you for your support and i hope you are okay.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
Glad to hear you are feeling a lot happier, you sound it.
As you say, going back to work and getting into routine is probably what you need now and it will probably help Sam to get back into a structured routine as well.
I hope now that you are over the worst and are able to move onwards and upwards!
Take care
Elaine x
Thanks Elaine.
I do feel a lot happier in myself. I did feel a bit strange this morning, i woke at 5 so got up and pottered on. Then when i got Sam up at 7.30 for no apparent reason and i wasnt even feeling anxious, i though what if i hurt her etc. That freaked me out a bit as i was feeling fine and it suddenly hit me from nowhere.
Yeah hopefully getting back to work will give me something to focus on, just need to lost some weight to get into my uniform LOL
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
I get funny thoughts sometimes even when I don't think i am anxious. Going back to work will give you a focus as you say, I need to go on a diet too. I lost a lot of weight last year due to the anxiety and John's illness, but now I'm feeling a lot better the weight has piled back on again unfortunately, like my food and drink tooooooo much!!!
Take care
Elaine x
Yep me too!!!
Due back a week on friday so will have to cut down so at least i can fasten my trousers.
Had a lot of grief of Sams dad so she is going to see him tonight for the night to see how they get on so i am looking forward to a peaceful night in and Simon is coming down so i am really looking forward to seeing him.
Speak soon hun, hope you are doing okay.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Hi Sal
I'm doing ok thanks, get the odd day of feeling anxious and the occassional symptom daily but on the whole feeling a lot better. Going to St Ives for the weekend tomorrow for our wedding anniversary wothout the kids, really looking forward to it.
Hope Sam had a good night with her Dad, and glad to see that you and Simon are getting on really well.
Take care chuck
Elaine x
Hi Elaine
Hope you have had a brilliant weekend when you get this post, you deserve it and i am pleased to hear you are doing okay.
Yeah me and Simon have hit it off and are getting on really well. He was out last night with my 2 neighbours hubbys and they all rolled in and said they were sober which was entertaining as none could see the other LOL
But we are really relaxed together and he is even going to see if he can get some leave on Tues and Wed before i go back to work so he is here with me, bless him.
He was up early this morning and disappeared as needed to go shopping and came back with a DVD surround systom, so whilst he fitted it i took 5 kids swimming the other 2 neighbours and have a great time.
Practically moved in but i feel so relaxed and happy about it and feel like i have known him for ages and Sam loves him to bits and they do get on great.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
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