i am so stupid!!!

[bluesparkle]

im not sure what to say i have tried writing this several times and just deleated it...
i feel so alone today and lost... and my anxiety is really high also i am suffering with my ocd at the moment just cant settle to anything...
the main problem at the moment is my ex...(sorry to keep going on about this) i know ive been stupid and have brought this on myself... but last week i told him how i felt about him and we both talked openly and honestly so why is he doing this to me ...it took all i had in me to say what i had to without going into major panic or getting to upset and we spent some time together over the last week or so... i thought we had a chance to sort things even though it would be slowly he led me to believe he felt the same but "the other woman" has popped back up again... he went there last night and is out with her and her daughter today!!! and i just feel so stupid and so used i cant put what im trying to say into words properly... i know most people would just walk away but i cant at the moment...
we talked about my problems too and he was so understanding and said he could see i was changing... so now i feel so down about myself and that im not worth anything cos given a second choice he has taken that instead of me...
he knows how much i care and now i know i shouldnt have been so honest when we spoke as i look a right fool now...
i am so mixed up ...this on top of everything is so hard... i know the time will come again when this other lady backs off and he will come to me but how and where do i get the strength to say no...not again ! i wish someone could switch a switch in my head to stop me careing...
i know this is a stupid thing to say but i dont want to hurt anymore but im not sure i can compleatly let go either...
i know this may seem quite trivial but it is not helping in anyway with the day to day life with anxiety/ocd...
if i was to tell him how hurt i am feeling he would just get angry with me which isnt going to help.
he told me that if it wasnt for her then we would be sorting our relationship out talk about feeling second best but i still hung on in there...i believe the feelings i have are real and not just becuase im on my own... and that is why i spoke to him about it...
ok im going to post this... i hope it makes sense i just wanted to tell someone how i am feeling... thank you for letting me do it here...
this is a great site and i have learnt so much and made some good friends...

[seh1980]

hello Bluesparkle,

Sorry to hear how you are feeling. Relatioship break-downs are very difficult anyway, never mind the anxiety, OCD, etc. I don't think you were silly by being completely honest - I think you did the right thing. If everyone were honest, there would be a lot less problems in the world!!

People often drift apart and unfortunately there is nothing we can do about it. You said that you think he will be back so it could be that he is just having a bit of a crisis and will soon see sense..

Sarah :D

[florence]

Hi Blue

Sorry to hear about all your troubles, its very tough indeed for you **hugs**.
Its not nice to feel second best , and I agree about letting go, it's very difficult, especially when you care!


<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I don't think you were silly by being completely honest - I think you did the right thing. If everyone were honest, there would be a lot less problems in the world!! </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

I completely agree with Sarah here too....Being honest is a wonderful quality even when it hurts.
Best wishes.
Florence.

** Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.**

[carlin]

Hi Bluesparkle,
I wish i could come and hug you. you are not being silly.....these kind of things are tough enough to deal with at anytime, let alone with anxiety?panic/Ocd...i haven't really any sound advice, but take things slowly, see how things pan out and take it from there. Keep in touch xxx

[nomorepanic]

Hi Rach

I am sorry to hear you are going through all this upset and turmoil.

I am not very good at relationship advice but I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and give you a big hug to make you feel better.

I hope that whatever you decide you will be happy and get things sorted out.

xxx

Nicola

[kairen]

Hi Rach,

sorry your feeling so down, you know im always there to talk, on msn now if u wanna chat hun,

kairen x

[pips]

Hi Rach,

I'm so sorry you are going through such a bad time. It's so tough hey hun.

I have been in a similar situation in the past with an ex where I have just hung on and couldn't let go! I do understand how difficult it is. I do hope you manage to sort something out.

Remember what i said before I'm not that far from you so if you ever want to meet up for a good old girlie goss PM me and we will sort something out!

In the mean while heres a BIG HUG to help you through!

Take care,

Love PIP'S XX XX

[sal]

Hi Rach

In time you will come to terms with this however it works out and none of us can tell you how it will.

I totally appreciate and understand how you feel, and know how much it hurts. Without him if that is to be one day you will look back and focus on you and the children and be happy with what you have. I know it takes time but it will come. With him if that is what you decide i hope he can give you all the support and love you deserve.

Rely on yourself and us however hard it is at the moment and i will be here for you as have being in the same situation. I have no regrets but that isnt going to be the same for everyone and i do appreciate that.

Dont be alone and remember people know how you feel. I know you still care for him a lot and if you cant see that he feels the same as hard as it is distance yourself and dont put yourself the pain you are going through now. I am only advising you from what i did and hope it helps and doesnt upset you Rach. If he wants you let him show you he does and if he doesnt you be strong and we will help you to be and then he will see what he has missed out on.

You are a special person with children who need you and dont let him ruin how strong you can be.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[bluesparkle]

thank you so much for all your replies... i really paniced once i had posted it yesterday...it means so much to me to know that i am not alone... and that people understand.
i am still very upset this morning and hurting but i know thats only natural...and it will get better.
he text last night as soon as he left the other womans house i did reply but i was just polite and didnt get into conversation.. he obviously wants to keep me hanging there to fall back on and i am not willing to be that person...i am better than that i have offered him everything if he doesnt want it then thats his loss... i dont think i will even bother telling him as i dont see the point to that... he must know how im feeling.
i think its time to move on and i know it will be hard at times but as long as you lot dont mind i will lean on you for a while...as its him i lean on when im struggling(bad choice i know).
sal you have said it all ... if we are together hope he will give me all the support and love i desire... i know the answer to that... its NO! thank you so much i know this sounds stupid but i needed someone to say it and make it clear you are right its time to distance myself i cant stand this pain anymore you have not upset me in anyway i posted so people would be honest with me i know no one can tell me what to do but it does help knowing what people think...
thank you all so much...
rach

[seh1980]

Rach - glad to hear you are becoming stronger. You are right when you say that you don't want to be the person he can just come back to when he feels like it. Hang in there hun - we will support you all the way. :D

[sal]

Rach

You deserve someone that will be there for you 24/7 regardless of how you feel. A break up is hard and i know how i felt at the time of splitting with John i felt my life had ended and wasnt sure if i could carry on and that was without suffering anxiety so i can see how hard this is for you.

Dont let him think you are there as a safety net if it all goes wrong, that might shock him and then it is down to you to decide how you handle it.

This might help you a bit but last night at the party i was at Jane who helped ruin my marriage was there with her new boyfriend as obviously again the ex had another affair. I talked to her and looking back over those 8 years i never thought i would stand and talk to her as though she hadnt affected my life so much as she had 8 years ago. But i did and it meant nothing, she meant nothing. If you were telling me that 8 years ago you can imagine my response, and that to me shows how times heals us and how we learn to move forward and i can honestly say with all i have being through my ex John wouldnt have supported me in anyway so i have being better of doing it alone.

I will help you all i can as i know how hard it is in the early days, but dont forget you are strong and you and the children count. At the end of the day he has lost a family and no one can repair that for him ever.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.