bluesparkle
07-05-05, 12:22
im not sure what to say i have tried writing this several times and just deleated it...
i feel so alone today and lost... and my anxiety is really high also i am suffering with my ocd at the moment just cant settle to anything...
the main problem at the moment is my ex...(sorry to keep going on about this) i know ive been stupid and have brought this on myself... but last week i told him how i felt about him and we both talked openly and honestly so why is he doing this to me ...it took all i had in me to say what i had to without going into major panic or getting to upset and we spent some time together over the last week or so... i thought we had a chance to sort things even though it would be slowly he led me to believe he felt the same but "the other woman" has popped back up again... he went there last night and is out with her and her daughter today!!! and i just feel so stupid and so used i cant put what im trying to say into words properly... i know most people would just walk away but i cant at the moment...
we talked about my problems too and he was so understanding and said he could see i was changing... so now i feel so down about myself and that im not worth anything cos given a second choice he has taken that instead of me...
he knows how much i care and now i know i shouldnt have been so honest when we spoke as i look a right fool now...
i am so mixed up ...this on top of everything is so hard... i know the time will come again when this other lady backs off and he will come to me but how and where do i get the strength to say no...not again ! i wish someone could switch a switch in my head to stop me careing...
i know this is a stupid thing to say but i dont want to hurt anymore but im not sure i can compleatly let go either...
i know this may seem quite trivial but it is not helping in anyway with the day to day life with anxiety/ocd...
if i was to tell him how hurt i am feeling he would just get angry with me which isnt going to help.
he told me that if it wasnt for her then we would be sorting our relationship out talk about feeling second best but i still hung on in there...i believe the feelings i have are real and not just becuase im on my own... and that is why i spoke to him about it...
ok im going to post this... i hope it makes sense i just wanted to tell someone how i am feeling... thank you for letting me do it here...
this is a great site and i have learnt so much and made some good friends...
i feel so alone today and lost... and my anxiety is really high also i am suffering with my ocd at the moment just cant settle to anything...
the main problem at the moment is my ex...(sorry to keep going on about this) i know ive been stupid and have brought this on myself... but last week i told him how i felt about him and we both talked openly and honestly so why is he doing this to me ...it took all i had in me to say what i had to without going into major panic or getting to upset and we spent some time together over the last week or so... i thought we had a chance to sort things even though it would be slowly he led me to believe he felt the same but "the other woman" has popped back up again... he went there last night and is out with her and her daughter today!!! and i just feel so stupid and so used i cant put what im trying to say into words properly... i know most people would just walk away but i cant at the moment...
we talked about my problems too and he was so understanding and said he could see i was changing... so now i feel so down about myself and that im not worth anything cos given a second choice he has taken that instead of me...
he knows how much i care and now i know i shouldnt have been so honest when we spoke as i look a right fool now...
i am so mixed up ...this on top of everything is so hard... i know the time will come again when this other lady backs off and he will come to me but how and where do i get the strength to say no...not again ! i wish someone could switch a switch in my head to stop me careing...
i know this is a stupid thing to say but i dont want to hurt anymore but im not sure i can compleatly let go either...
i know this may seem quite trivial but it is not helping in anyway with the day to day life with anxiety/ocd...
if i was to tell him how hurt i am feeling he would just get angry with me which isnt going to help.
he told me that if it wasnt for her then we would be sorting our relationship out talk about feeling second best but i still hung on in there...i believe the feelings i have are real and not just becuase im on my own... and that is why i spoke to him about it...
ok im going to post this... i hope it makes sense i just wanted to tell someone how i am feeling... thank you for letting me do it here...
this is a great site and i have learnt so much and made some good friends...