henri
07-05-05, 14:42
hey everyone,
it's weird posting a 'success story', when there are days that i still feel like reaching for the diazepam and calling in sick. but here goes…
i had my first really bad panic attack at the beginning of the year. i've always been a worrier and, if i think about it, can pinpoint times in the past where i have panicked, but this was the first time that i was physically bowled over by it. as i didn't know what it was at the time, it took me weeks of thinking i had some serious disease before finally figuring it out. i felt like a couldn't breathe the whole time and was suffering from dizzyness 24/7. i had to have all my food blended and couldn't get off the sofa, even having a shower was a trauma. i had to take five weeks off work and was put on diazepam, but was luckily enough to be referred to a private CBT practitioner, who i started seeing once a week.
he made me realise that a lot of it is connected to my negative/catastrophic thinking - amazing the effect the brain can have on your bodily functions. anyway, i gradually started going back to work - i'm a journalist so i was able to take some work home. it was a total nightmare at first - not only was i unable to get on the tube, i was so paranoid that people at work were staring at me/thinking i was weird etc. i started off only working a few hours a day and only travelling during off-peak hours - i still never get on a train that's like a pack of sardines.
now i am at the stage where i can actually go out after work - something i couldn't have done as recently as three weeks ago. i still can't drink alcohol (a weird side-effect of my panic/anxiety!) but yesterday i managed a full day at work, went out until well past midnight (unheard of for me these days!) and even managed half a glass of wine.
so my life is "back to normal". i've been accepted on a part time MA course, starting in september and for the first time this year i'm actually excited about things.
this website has been amazing to me - i actually don't know what i would have done if i hadn't discovered it. so nic, thanks for setting it up!
i've tried to wean myself off logging on here every night (harder than weaning myself off the drugs, i tell you!) because my boyfriend gets upset when i ignore him in favour of a computer. but that doesn't' mean you've got rid of me for good!
sorry for rambling on and speak to you all soon,
henri xx
it's weird posting a 'success story', when there are days that i still feel like reaching for the diazepam and calling in sick. but here goes…
i had my first really bad panic attack at the beginning of the year. i've always been a worrier and, if i think about it, can pinpoint times in the past where i have panicked, but this was the first time that i was physically bowled over by it. as i didn't know what it was at the time, it took me weeks of thinking i had some serious disease before finally figuring it out. i felt like a couldn't breathe the whole time and was suffering from dizzyness 24/7. i had to have all my food blended and couldn't get off the sofa, even having a shower was a trauma. i had to take five weeks off work and was put on diazepam, but was luckily enough to be referred to a private CBT practitioner, who i started seeing once a week.
he made me realise that a lot of it is connected to my negative/catastrophic thinking - amazing the effect the brain can have on your bodily functions. anyway, i gradually started going back to work - i'm a journalist so i was able to take some work home. it was a total nightmare at first - not only was i unable to get on the tube, i was so paranoid that people at work were staring at me/thinking i was weird etc. i started off only working a few hours a day and only travelling during off-peak hours - i still never get on a train that's like a pack of sardines.
now i am at the stage where i can actually go out after work - something i couldn't have done as recently as three weeks ago. i still can't drink alcohol (a weird side-effect of my panic/anxiety!) but yesterday i managed a full day at work, went out until well past midnight (unheard of for me these days!) and even managed half a glass of wine.
so my life is "back to normal". i've been accepted on a part time MA course, starting in september and for the first time this year i'm actually excited about things.
this website has been amazing to me - i actually don't know what i would have done if i hadn't discovered it. so nic, thanks for setting it up!
i've tried to wean myself off logging on here every night (harder than weaning myself off the drugs, i tell you!) because my boyfriend gets upset when i ignore him in favour of a computer. but that doesn't' mean you've got rid of me for good!
sorry for rambling on and speak to you all soon,
henri xx