Gryphoenix
10-08-08, 17:24
I dunno if this new exercise I'm doing is making me generally anxious (cause I have health anxiety and I'm always worried that I overdid it somehow and blew an organ or something and I hate the feeling of being over-tired) but late last night I freaked out over brushing my teeth before I went to bed.
I don't get it--I haven't had any pure-fear blips like this for ages (any time I get uneasy it's due to health anxiety or a specific outside stressor like a test or whatever) and this time I was simply scared of being scared.
I kinda worked myself up into a state--What if I panic? I can't panic, I haven't panicked in months, this will be a setback...What if I panic before I sleep and I can't sleep? I've never panicked at night before! I feel adrenaline rushing through me--what if this keeps me up all night? Here it is again--what if this causes me to have a panic?
Anyway with a racing heart I got disgusted with myself and continued on my nightly duties like getting a glass of water, fixing the room and going to bed. So I had to go to bed full of jitters and adrenaline and a racing heart but I surprsingly did fall asleep. It was hard to quell those fears though...
Where the HECK did this come from, outta nowhere? I feel a bit silly this morning, but I still feel the tiniest bit anxious, the old what if it happens again routine, I'm afraid that I'll feel anxious when I go brush my teeth again, etc... I guess my main fear is: What if I panic again? I know the answer to that: So what? But that doesn't mean I don't WANT it to happen and I hate it...ugh, I guess I just gotta accept it if it does then oh well, no harm no foul.
I got this feeling that panic is following me around secretly--I had JUST had a very nice victory over panic a week ago whilst exercising and doing sit-ups and crunches, and I felt very proud of myself. I think the little thing is out for revenge, lol...>___>
I don't get it--I haven't had any pure-fear blips like this for ages (any time I get uneasy it's due to health anxiety or a specific outside stressor like a test or whatever) and this time I was simply scared of being scared.
I kinda worked myself up into a state--What if I panic? I can't panic, I haven't panicked in months, this will be a setback...What if I panic before I sleep and I can't sleep? I've never panicked at night before! I feel adrenaline rushing through me--what if this keeps me up all night? Here it is again--what if this causes me to have a panic?
Anyway with a racing heart I got disgusted with myself and continued on my nightly duties like getting a glass of water, fixing the room and going to bed. So I had to go to bed full of jitters and adrenaline and a racing heart but I surprsingly did fall asleep. It was hard to quell those fears though...
Where the HECK did this come from, outta nowhere? I feel a bit silly this morning, but I still feel the tiniest bit anxious, the old what if it happens again routine, I'm afraid that I'll feel anxious when I go brush my teeth again, etc... I guess my main fear is: What if I panic again? I know the answer to that: So what? But that doesn't mean I don't WANT it to happen and I hate it...ugh, I guess I just gotta accept it if it does then oh well, no harm no foul.
I got this feeling that panic is following me around secretly--I had JUST had a very nice victory over panic a week ago whilst exercising and doing sit-ups and crunches, and I felt very proud of myself. I think the little thing is out for revenge, lol...>___>