View Full Version : Phone fear
I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this in but I thought it tied neatly with social phobia....
I was just wondering if anyone else suffers from a fear of phones. I really hate them! I dread the phone ringing and try at best to avoid ringing people (I tend to text message and email). If I do have to use the phone, it takes quite a while for me to build up the courage to use it and I spend ages rehearsing what I'm going to say.
I thought this might be linked to social phobia seeing as the main fear is speaking to people rather than the actual phone itself. Sorry if this sounds very muddled - I wasn't sure how best to describe it!
Thank you for reading :)
Hi Tasha
I can't relate to it myself, but I know and heard of some other people who do. And they have social phobia . It doesn't sound muddled at all, makes perfect sense to me.
You'll find a few peeps here who have similar problems.
Take care for now.
Florence.
** Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.**
Hi Tasha,
I can relate to what you are going through, i have suffered with anxiety for a few years now, and recently dislike making any important phone calls, not too bad if someone rings me, also if the doorbell rings that scares me too, it is definately a part of anxiety, i've found the more un-important calls i make seems to get me into practice for the one's that really matter, if not i ask hubby to do it! I can promise it will pass with the more practice you have, i know that has been the case with me. anxiety pops up in all different ways. take care and keep in touch.
hi Tasha,
Lots of people with social phobia really dislike using the phone so you are not strange!! One thing you could do is practice. Get someone you know to give you a call at a certain time and do that with different people. This will prepare you much better for the unexpected calls..
Sarah :D
Hi Tasha
Yes I have exactly the same fear as you due to social phobia. Up until a few months ago I would avoid phoning anyone or even answering my phone at home if I didn't know who was calling. I too relied on email and text, and still do to a large extent.
What helped me was having someone from the forum call me at a pre-arranged time and keep doing this daily. With regular practise I felt comfortable talking to her and then tried with someone else.
It is still not easy until I know the person I am talking to fairly well and takes talking to them several times before I start to feel more comfortable, but practising and getting used to speaking does help.
At the moment I have let the phone practising slip a bit due to other issues but really need to pick this up again. I still find it very difficult to make phone calls and have to do it on the spur of the minute or else I start panicking about it and put it off. However, I now usually answer my phone without as many problems as before.
It is possible to tackle this problem, although I know how difficult it is. With work and support it can be done.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
Hi Tasha
Lots of people suffer like you do. I dont mind talking on the phone but when i feel anxious i will do anything to avoid it and use my mobile to text. So i can appreciate how you feel.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Thanks for your advice everyone! It's good to know that I'm not the only one out there that has problems using the phone :) it feels a little strange trying to explain to people the problems that I have!
hi tasha,
i used to really struggle on the phone, even to the degree of having a little anxiety attack sometimes.
i was gonna suggest you try 'no panic' which is self help anxiety charity that does a few phone based support thingys, i found them helpful and alot of others have posted good things about them.
anyway you take care ... andrew
Hi Tasha,
I have a real fear of the phone as well! I never mentioned it before as I thought I was the only one. Plus I felt stupid being afraid of the phone! Sorry you suffer to!
Now I force myself to answer it and make calls or else it will get the better of me. I just won't go for a job in telesales! I don't think I'll last 5 minutes! LOL
Take Care,
Keep practising.
Love PIP'S XX
Hi Tasha, no its not muddled, makes perfect sense to me. Im not very good when it comes to meeting people and socialising. Regarding the phone, Im ok if i know the person, but I dread confrontation, and cant cancels appointments etc. Get my husband to do it.
Emails are no problem and even writing on here, but a phone conversation ( scary thought ). I wouldnt know what to say and would be worried incase I said something wrong.
Cant really give you any advice, but just wanted to let you know, your not on your own
Feel free to PM me, if you want to talk.
Emma xx
Keep focused, keep positive.
pinkscrumpy
11-05-05, 07:56
[:o)] Gosh I thought I was the only one also
Really having a bad time with the phone. Lately it seems to be worse than usual. I even unplug it and wait to check to see if whoever has rung leaves a message.
If my hubby rings me he has to ring twice and then hang up and then ring back again so that I know it is him.
Gosh this sounds really strange writing it down!
MANDIE XX
Thanks again for all the replies :) I'm glad I'm not the only one! I hate cancelling anything too and try to avoid it at all costs! I had such a panic attack when I had to ring the volunteer centre to explain that I wasn't up to volunteering.
Mandie - what you said doesn't sound strange at all!
Sounds like a few of you would benefit from being in chat and then deciding to ring each other and try to overcome with practice, the worst of this anxiety.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi Tasha,
I'm not exactly scared of talking on the phone (in the past it was getting me to shut up that was the problem) but I hate the way it makes me jump when it rings as that starts me off on the wrong tack. The answer to that bit was to get a phone with a nice ring (easy on your mob but not so easy on the landline) or a low ring so it doesn't startle you.
The other thing was learning to pace my breathing when I'm talking as I can get so enthusiastic I forget to breath. So by talking a little slower it stopped me hyperventilating.
Love PIglet
bluesparkle
11-05-05, 18:24
hi...
me too!!!
i hate having phone conversations...even with family sometimes its worse than others ... and as for making important phone calls well that takes alot of effort... usually leave it till the last minute... its a shame as i used to love chatting to my friends on the phone it made me not feel so isolated but thats before all this got out of hand so hopefully i will get back to that again...
but thank you for posting about it because like others i just thought it was me being silly...
rach
Meg - that sounds like a great idea :) Is there anyone else that would be interested?
Piglet - I have a lovely ringtone on my phone that doesn't scare the life out of me! My main problem is the opposite of yours - I never know what to say! I'm very self conscious when I'm speaking (and generally out and about) so I'm always worried about what I'm saying. If I have to do any ringing, I spend ages rehearsing what I'm going to say!
Bluesparkle - I'm glad the post helped :)
I'm the same Tasha. I feel very self conscious about talking or with people generally and can either never think of anything to say and spend time analysing whether it sounds right or not, or I get something in mind of what I want to say but I clam up and can't get my words out.
I've found trying to make a phone call as soon as I think about it is sometimes better for me because the more time I spend rehearsing what I want to say, the more anxious I get and then I often back out of ringing at all.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
The odd thing is i am not so bad when i use the phone to call out it is when the phone rings for me that i freak out sometimes [V] why oh why
I guess it's the shock of the phone ringing, buffybot - if you're phoning out you're more in control whereas you never know when the phone is going to ring and that's the scary part.
I spend half the day praying for the phone not to ring!
I used to find both situations equally as difficult. However, strangely now I find it more difficult to make calls, as I tend to put off doing it and then get more anxious the longer I think about it and don't do it.
When the phone rings, I do still feel anxious and sometimes ignore it or even unplug the phone when I'm having a bad day from depression. However, I think the phone practise I had certainly made a big difference to me where answering the phone is concerned.
It is possible to improve with this.
Karen
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.
i have hate of phone and only speak to someone if really really need to as i think someone is listening or something stupid like that and has effected many jobs i have had but i just try to txt or email like ya self but with practice i hope to over come it or should i say i will
I also have big problems with phones i find it worser when it comes to making calls if its an important call that has to be made i will get someone else to do it for me. I even find it hard to make calls to my family.
When it come to taking a call i'm not so bad but i want to get off has quick has possible but when i'm taking a call its usually for someone else i get so nervous on the phone that i can never remeber what was said so i cant pass a messege on for the person.
when i'm am on the phone i am aware of my own voice it goes shakey and my throat goes dry does anyone else have this problem ?
laurenessex
27-06-05, 12:17
I used to be sooooooooo bad on the phone though this wasn't due to anxiety I still get nervous sometimes and takes me a few attempts to dial the number. But now i have an amazing friend who hates the phone..I know he uses it and has rung me once...but can't/won't do it other than that but I don't see/talk to him in person at the moment due to my social anxiety...HARD! but our friendship is surviving! xx
Yep, I get this and always have done. I have arguments with my wife as I don't want a phone in the house!
I think it is linked to a few of bad news. As a result of my upbringing, whenever the phone rings, I assume it is bad news.
The other thing is the privacy angle. I hate the idea that someone can intrude on your space with this loud ring without asking you if its OK! Anyone can invade your space at any time by calling you and I find that annoying.
This sounds crazy I know, but just one of my little quirks!
Gareth
*** I think, therefore I'm anxious ***
I'm another phone phobic and sometimes my heart starts to race if the phone rings! This can even lead to my throat tightening making it horrible to talk. It used to be the same when the door bell went but I just answer it regardless now. It's strange as I don't 'feel' as though I have a social phobia and love to speak to people if I see them out even if I don't know them that well or at all! However the phone ringing is another matter and making that initial call to someone I don't know has my heart racing and a full rehersal before dialing.
Mark
shybabyboo
30-06-05, 03:25
I have had social anxiety for about 4 years now and I also have a problem calling people on the phone. Im fine when it comes to answering the phone, its just calling other people. If I want to order a pizza or something I get someone else to call and order it. Although Im OK when I call people I know, its just calling people that I dont know.
Ha, I'm glad I found that other people have the same "irrational" fear as I do. I absolutely hate making important phone calls. I'd rather email any day. Ordering a pizza or calling someone who should be expecting my call is not a problem. I don't love it, but I do it and I don't really think about it. I also really don't mind answering the phone. But I avoid calling strangers at all costs, especially if I have to ask them for something that they might not want to give. I hate awkwardness and confrontation. Strangely enough, although I'm generally pretty reserved and introverted, I don't tend to experience social anxiety in face-to-face encounters. I don't dread social situations, and I'm hardly ever actually intimidated by the people I have to call, but something about the phone just seems so intrusive and abrupt. I just don't want to annoy people, ya know? I used to be waaaay worse though, and practice did help a lot. I used to almost have panic attacks about having to call Wal-Mart to see when they closed, or having to call an admissions office to ask some perfunctory question about an application. My mom started to refuse to make my calls for me, so I eventually sort of overcame my fear. I still hate feeling like I am in a servile position on the phone. LIke I am intruding on some important person's valuable time to try to get them to comply with my petty request... I am currently procrastinating on making several important phone calls to important strangers asking for interviews. I really hate making demands on people's time on the phone, even if it doesn't bother me to ask them to do things for me in person...:unsure:
milly jones
07-07-08, 22:11
glad u found this one cos i hate the phone too
if i hear it ringing esp the same tone as work i feel sick.
at home i will leave till answer machine clicks in if i dont recognise the number.
if i have to make a call i dont unless ive got a script in frongt of me. i just cannot satnd any confrontation on the phone.
funnily enough i have been being helped by some friends on nmp
one has helped me to leave answer machine messages. the other i can now ring and accept calls off. we have been doing this daily and because i know what time to answer and who it is we can chat well now. it was 50 mins today lol. thanks to them both lol
still cant answer phone cold tho, but praps one day
milly xxxx
I don't like answering the phone in case it's a dept collector:blush:.
Seriously though, I do feel uncomfortable with strangers, even on the phone.
I think it's something like people are scrutinising you in some way. I'm not a sociable person at all, I only communicate with close family and don't have any friends.
Tom
Funny I thought it was just me. I hate speaking on the telephone - would rather text or e-mail any day unless it is a close family member.
I have this. I don't mind talking to friends, and oddly I'm not too bad answering phones, but I hate making phonecalls to people I don't know. I'll do anything to avoid it (thank goodness for e-mail). If I do have to ring someone I often have to write down exactly what I want to say as I'm so worried I'll make an idiot of myself, yet I still manage to stutter and stumble over the words because I'm so nervous. I also find I can't listen properly (in incoming or outgoing calls) as I'm in such a state so the whole conversation becomes pardons and excuse mes and misunderstandings and urrrgh - all I do is confirm my fears!
Oh Gosh, I really dislike phones, too :blush:
I think it goes back to when I was younger really. My dad used to work nights, and if I was at home during the day, I was petrified of the phone ringing and waking him up... if I was alone in the house I'd hardly dare to move too far from the phone incase it rang. The time I wasted doing that... :doh:
I also get really stressed about talking on the phone. its just something that seems to have grown up with me. One thing I hate at work is if a phone starts ringing and the person isn't sat at the desk, and I feel I have to answer it. :unsure:
purplehaze
24-01-09, 22:11
one way to get over this may be getting people to phone you and you to phone them, thus building up your confidence
When i have to go on the phone, i feel my throat tightening and get a nervous cough.
I don't know why but i tend to speak really softly not in my normal voice when talking to strangers.
I have just been emailed this link by my cousin who has just explained about her phone phobia - even her husband doesn't know. Can I suggest that this is a brilliant way of letting others know?
Over the last few months we have upset each other so much over what could have been a fairly easily resolved issue - if only we could have talked on the phone (we now live 200 miles from each other).
I had no idea - I am just so relieved - it helps me make sense of so much; I had increasingly felt unloved, unappreciated and so much more. It was eating me up - so much that I was spiraling down into a depression.
This is after years of unsatisfactory phone calls which have left me confused, upset, etc. One reason I never suspected was we have had some good phone conversations, maybe we just got a good time. But this unpredictablility has really got me.
Please, if you are reading this, think of emailing the link to your nearest and dearest. It has probably save my relationship with my cousin and her family which are so precious to me.
Now I know about this issue, I am sure we can patch up our differences. I would also really like to be able to help her, maybe by using some of the tips on this site and arranging by email times to call.
Wish us both luck!
Anne Mary
Hi Tasha, I myself had a fear of using phones. I used to stammer a lot when I ever had to make any phone calls. I went through years being like that. I have lost job opportunities and friends for not phoning people back. I did finally managed to over come the fear of phoning up to a point. Some days I find it more difficult to phone people than other days. I do know what you are going through.
I wish you well xx
Marginalia
23-05-09, 22:04
I'm another phone-phobic. Well, I'm like shybabyboo: I'm fine receiving calls (as long as I don't get too many on one day), and I'm better ringing people I know than people I don't know.
I can also do routine calls where the person on the other end is providing a service which I am entitled to, doing something really straightforward, such as phone banking. I can also make phone calls if I need to at work, because it is work business on the behalf of other people, so I can feel quite competent and in the right. (And I have been told I have a wonderful telephone manner! I believe it is because I force myself into another persona, where I come across very calm and reasonable... and I feel pretty good afterwards, since I feel so in control)
But yes, I am really a phone phobic. I have been known to walk for an hour or take public transport somewhere at some cost just to arrange something in person rather than calling them on the phone.
The worst things for me are if I have to ask a favour of someone, or try an assert my rights with someone I fear will be hostile.
If I have to make an important phone call I usually have to psych myself up for about 4 days beforehand. I need to have a full day off work (not a weekend because I feel guilty phoning people at weekends, which makes it harder for me to call). Then I spend a few hours trying to get myself in the right frame of mind, rehearsing what I will say, making notes so I don't forget due to panic, writing down and double-checking the number, arranging how and where to sit, making sure I have had something to eat to give me strength... it's absurd really. And all throughout that time I can't concentrate on anything properly because the phone call is hanging over me. Then once I've done it, I feel utterly exhausted for the rest of the day (if I make two phone calls the same day that's a rare day for me). Sometimes I have a drink afterwards because I'm so jittery I don't know what to do with myself.
:hugs: to all those with phone phobias
My house is in severe need of maintenance because ringing tradespeople to see if they would be available to do work on my house is one of those types of phone calls I have most difficulty with. (It shouldn't feel like asking a favour, but psychologically it does. Maybe I am afraid of rejection?)
I have just been emailed this link by my cousin who has just explained about her phone phobia - even her husband doesn't know.
Annemary - that's a very moving post to read - wow. I had never thought it might affect people like that... and it does make me think maybe I should make sure my family and friends know I am a bit phone phobic, however embarassing it is to try to explain.
i too have similar experiences...when ever i get calls from unknown numbers I get anxious and i dont know what to do...some times i dont attend the calls at all...i have missed few interviews because of this....even when i want to talk to some one, i rehearse what i have to say and then i call
I'm glad to see there are others like me ... I even hate talking to close friends/family on the phone. I prefer text, email or even face to face :(
rachel marie
02-04-10, 14:45
yes i worked as a hairdresser and because i had a fear of ancerin the phone i ended up quiting thats how bad it got, and when i did get the phone i was that nervous that i used to stutter and get my words mixed up.
Pinkangels
04-04-10, 15:05
Makes perfect sense to me! I understand completely Tasha.
I hate the phone so only really communicate by txt and email.
I dont like making calls and will only do so if I really have to, and with a bit of a build up and rehersal of what exactly to say!
I dont like receiving calls either and never answer a number I dont know.
For me I think its just the fear again of the actual conversation. Not having anything to say, my mind just going blank, or not getting my words out right, or awkward silences, and the fear of what someone is actually phoning me about.
I always have my phone on silent. I can't stand ringtones and end up sometimes missing calls. It's not that I'm afraid of speaking on the phone but the fact that people can get hold of you wherever you go and being disturbed when you don't feel in the mood to talk. I think a lot of people with anxiety/depression get like this, but it just feels that with all this technology there's nothing sacred left.
I would bin it if I could...
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