Feeling sad again

[Franz]

Sometimes when I look back on my life I can't believe how unhappy it's been.

I said to my dad recently that I've not been happy in all my adult life, and he said, "That's not true", which really p***ed me off, though I understand why he needs to convince himself my life hasn't been a total waste.

I think most people as unhappy as me have killed themselves by the time they get to my age, and yet I've staggered on, hoping against hope either that my social phobia will miraculously lift or that something or someone will come along that at least makes life worth living.

I've been reading about the energy crisis again and been reminded how little time there is left. I always used to think good things come to him who waits, but I find it hard to believe that any more.

[kendo59]

Something I've been trying lately, is to try and look at things more positively, sort out what I can do & what I can't do, and just focus on the stuff I can do. Take small steps to change my outlook, and focus on positive stuff. Or even just read a book to distract my thoughts away from negative thoughts.


Is there anything you feel able to do to get more control over your life? What about some part-time voluntary work? Or a hobby?

[Franz]

Kendo,

Thanks for the reply. You're right, I do need to work out what I can and can't do. In fact I do do that but sometimes it's so difficult to get a sense of perspective.

Voluntary work is something I thought about earlier this year but it kind of fell off my radar as there were other avenues I was pursuing at the same time. I sometimes think of doing some kind of counselling.

As anyone who's read my posts here will gather, I've been in a pretty lousy state recently, but last week I cut my citalopram dose. I wasn't being foolish, as I've done it before, and I know from experience that it's swings and roundabouts. In some ways ways my social phobia is better on a lower dose, as I can distract my thoughts more easily, but the down side is that when the sadness and anguish come they are that bit more intense. Probably I'm not ready for the lower dose.

Best wishes,

F

[Archaeopteryx]

My words may seem strange to you but I just want to tell you that our view of our reality isn't as true as it sometimes may seem.




I've lived in this depressed mood for so long, and I know its not a pleasant experience. And the weird thing is when you get yourself out of it, you can look back and think:




Hey! How come I used to feel so hopeless?!




Don't look at the world from the inside. Just get out of your mood, your thoughts and feelings and focus on one thing, one question:




If you were your best friend and felt that sad, what would you do to cheer yourself up?




Look at your sadness as if it was something external like the glasses you wear. They need to be clean before you look through them.




I know this sounds simple, but it really works: just take off your glasses and clean off your sad feelings.




Don't focus on all the problems that caused you to be sad in the first place. Instead, focus on how to remove the sadness itself first and cultivate a positive mental attitude. Then you can start reanalyzing your problems.




I Hope the best for you!

[Franz]

If you were your best friend and felt that sad, what would you do to cheer yourself up?


I know this sounds wet, but I'd give myself a hug. I suppose I could walk round my colleagues' desks asking them to hug me.

Anyway I feel somewhat better as I solved a long-standing technical problem before I left work today.

[Hope 2]

Hiya Francis

Yet again something you spoke of struck a chord with me. I reckon some parents are in chronic denial . They refuse to accept the real deal. This is because to accept would be to admit/take some responsibility. I have posted my first thread today about my past and it is about my mother.


In yr post you said...............either that my social phobia will miraculously lift or that something or someone will come along that at least makes life worth living.

You know what, you Francis, make your life worth living. Maybe one day you will see that. I wonder if your social phobia is in place, acting as your shield from potential hurt. Cos I see a man who is in a lot of pain, but the very thing he fears is the thing that keeps him locked in his own world, and while he exsists in this world, no one can get in...........I bet I am not the only person who reckons you are a loving caring guy, given the chance.


Sending you a virtual hug F :hugs: ...... hope u get a proper one real soon.
Julia xx

[Franz]

Hiya Francis

Yet again something you spoke of struck a chord with me. I reckon some parents are in chronic denial . They refuse to accept the real deal. This is because to accept would be to admit/take some responsibility. I have posted my first thread today about my past and it is about my mother.

Hi Hope. Thanks for replying; I'll read your post.

I was being rather unkind to my parents. I get irritable with my dad but he's a lovely bloke and really I'm just casting around for someone to blame. I feel for his own suffering on my behalf and I've said to him, and meant it, that if I could stop my suffering for his sake I would.

My mum I have a less intimate relationship with, although she's much more like me: deeply introverted, and dislikes both herself and the human race. She rarely shares her feelings with me.



In yr post you said...............either that my social phobia will miraculously lift or that something or someone will come along that at least makes life worth living.

You know what, you Francis, make your life worth living. Maybe one day you will see that. I wonder if your social phobia is in place, acting as your shield from potential hurt.

Oh yes, absolutely. I was always very sensitive to rejection and I suffered a lot of it as a teenager. I learned basically that people are cruel and that one should always be suspicious of them until they give one reason to trust them. But of course it's a vicious circle: the more suscpicious you are of people, the more they reject you. That's how I got where I am.


Cos I see a man who is in a lot of pain, but the very thing he fears is the thing that keeps him locked in his own world, and while he exsists in this world, no one can get in...........I bet I am not the only person who reckons you are a loving caring guy, given the chance. Thanks, and I feel this to be true. I have a lot of emotional energy that wants to manifest as benevolence, but doesn't believe it will receive benevolence in return. So, repressed, it stews as anger and suspicion. (I became an uncle a few years ago and what I like about children is that if you show them love and trust, they give it back to you unthinkingly and demonstratively.)

Thanks again, and best wishes,

Francis

[Hope 2]

Hey Francis

How you getting on, ok I hope.

I get on ok with my Dad too. He is a worrier. My Mum is an alien. We live in different worlds. Anytime I spend with them, rare (ish), I deserve an Oscar as I pretend the whole time, for the sake of my daughter who is only 7. She has no other grandparents. I guess if I am honest, I have always related to yr anger. I don't admit my anger, I think cos I see it as a sign that gives away I am bothered by things. This year I have found myself engulfed with pure rage at times, for different reasons. But I think I am maybe angry for the child that was so very sad. No one gave a f*ck.

Sorry this aint about me. I guess im trying to say, 'I know'. Anger. It twists yr insides and turns mine into hard cold steel. No one can hurt me now. Next minute, I am back to soppy old me.

Let us know how yr feeling F.........hope today is less of a sh*tter :D .
Julia xx

[pooh]

Franz

this might seem odd but its not....what makes you laugh?

Pooh x

[carly123]

I really hope i manage to say this in the right way without upsetting or offending you....
Believe me I understand exactly how hard it is to pull yourself up when you are stuck in a rut/nothing goes right/you're depressed etc etc...
But if other peoples (wrong) opinions get to you that much, whoever they are, the ONLY way to get yourself on track is to have faith in yourself, find a goal and work to achieve it.
It's very hard when you've grown up with certain influences to learn to distance yourself from what others think/expect of you, but I kind of think you'll not ever be happy until you learn to be pruod of yourself.
In short, I get the feeling you were asking for your fathers sympathy, guidance and help, and are understandably disappointed not to get it...
not nice feeling, but turn it around...
I hope you can have a little think about what makes you happy, what you enjoy, and find something to aim for, I truly believe this is very important part of life for everyone.
Good luck, and if your really stuck, PM me a bit about yourself and I'll PM u some suggestions!

[carly123]

Sorry this aint about me. I guess im trying to say, 'I know'. Anger. It twists yr insides and turns mine into hard cold steel. No one can hurt me now.

This site is for people to provide understanding and support, telling people you know how they feel is an important part of helping each other deal with anxiety - you're not alone, others understand, you're not goin mad!!- it helped me no end.