ams
15-08-08, 00:39
Ugh. In another upswing on my h.a. cycle, still worried about arm/shoulder/neck pain and fatigue, but with a twist.
I was thinking I had arthritis, and was looking at some stuff regarding the fact that my fingers look slightly swollen and puffy in places, and that my knuckles seem a little discolored, maybe red or a little purple.
Well (and I should've known!) this was certainly a bad idea, and now I'm afraid of all sorts of stuff no one's ever heard of. It's easier for me to deal with a brain tumor or heart problem, as lots of people can convince me that I likely don't have these; they're common anxiety targets, and well-known problems. But when I start to worry about all sorts of odd connective tissue and vascular issues, there's not as much reassurance.
I really think I need my own personal Dr. to have on call for consultation. Were I rich, I'd do it in a second, though I suppose that'd only be giving in to my fears and anxiety.
I'm into month 5 of this low-grade hell. Saw a therapist today who told me I'm already on the right track, but it's that last bit of anxiety that I can't squash, and, on days like today, it rears its head and sends me down the mountain again, this time with fears of all sorts of weird, uncommon diseases. Ugh.
I was thinking I had arthritis, and was looking at some stuff regarding the fact that my fingers look slightly swollen and puffy in places, and that my knuckles seem a little discolored, maybe red or a little purple.
Well (and I should've known!) this was certainly a bad idea, and now I'm afraid of all sorts of stuff no one's ever heard of. It's easier for me to deal with a brain tumor or heart problem, as lots of people can convince me that I likely don't have these; they're common anxiety targets, and well-known problems. But when I start to worry about all sorts of odd connective tissue and vascular issues, there's not as much reassurance.
I really think I need my own personal Dr. to have on call for consultation. Were I rich, I'd do it in a second, though I suppose that'd only be giving in to my fears and anxiety.
I'm into month 5 of this low-grade hell. Saw a therapist today who told me I'm already on the right track, but it's that last bit of anxiety that I can't squash, and, on days like today, it rears its head and sends me down the mountain again, this time with fears of all sorts of weird, uncommon diseases. Ugh.