tattybear
11-05-05, 16:10
Hi all,
Havnt posted much on hear lately as Ive been feeling more positive about things and not been online much.
Im really annoyed with myself today :(
My boyfs mum has just moved house, so today we went over there to see her and help with a few things (my boyf has now got an aversion to anything flat pack!!).
I was feeling ok, as id been to the house before and felt fine, then my boyfs sister, her husband and 2 kids came over too, and this is when it happened.... his sisters husband had an op on his leg yeserday, so was limping, and then bang Mr Panic rears his ugly head [B)] Becasue I knew he'd had an op ( i have big phobia of hospitals etc) and he was limping, the panic set in, dizzyness, cold sweats fast heart beats etc etc. I stayed in the other room for a bit to 'help' my boyf and try and take my mind of it but it didnt work, in the end, my boyf exlained to them, and hes bought me home.
I feel so drained dizzy and sick now. Ive had such a great couple of weeks in terms of feeling on top of my depression, that im angry at myself for letting me get like this today, although I know deep down I cant help how I feel.
I didnt even worry that I mite get panicy if I did see him knowing he'd only had his op yesterday. It just goes to show that somtimes you never know when its gonna happen, but i think maybe subconciously I may have had it at the back of my mind?? I dont know!
I just feel embarrased and dont want his family to think im a weirdo (ok they prob do, but for other reasosns! hehe) and I keep thinking that I was being rude, but then again, i cant help how I feel...god I should read what Im writing , I keep answering myself with whats right!
Im lucky that my boyf is so understanding and knew exactly what to do for the best.
Ahh...feel better now ive got that off my chest!! Wakey wakey any ones whoes fell asleep reading this!! [:P]
Tatty B xx
Havnt posted much on hear lately as Ive been feeling more positive about things and not been online much.
Im really annoyed with myself today :(
My boyfs mum has just moved house, so today we went over there to see her and help with a few things (my boyf has now got an aversion to anything flat pack!!).
I was feeling ok, as id been to the house before and felt fine, then my boyfs sister, her husband and 2 kids came over too, and this is when it happened.... his sisters husband had an op on his leg yeserday, so was limping, and then bang Mr Panic rears his ugly head [B)] Becasue I knew he'd had an op ( i have big phobia of hospitals etc) and he was limping, the panic set in, dizzyness, cold sweats fast heart beats etc etc. I stayed in the other room for a bit to 'help' my boyf and try and take my mind of it but it didnt work, in the end, my boyf exlained to them, and hes bought me home.
I feel so drained dizzy and sick now. Ive had such a great couple of weeks in terms of feeling on top of my depression, that im angry at myself for letting me get like this today, although I know deep down I cant help how I feel.
I didnt even worry that I mite get panicy if I did see him knowing he'd only had his op yesterday. It just goes to show that somtimes you never know when its gonna happen, but i think maybe subconciously I may have had it at the back of my mind?? I dont know!
I just feel embarrased and dont want his family to think im a weirdo (ok they prob do, but for other reasosns! hehe) and I keep thinking that I was being rude, but then again, i cant help how I feel...god I should read what Im writing , I keep answering myself with whats right!
Im lucky that my boyf is so understanding and knew exactly what to do for the best.
Ahh...feel better now ive got that off my chest!! Wakey wakey any ones whoes fell asleep reading this!! [:P]
Tatty B xx