New job in Sept. Terrified, need advice.

[rocklover]

I was ill with a tummy bug just before the school holidays, but managed to get myself into work whilst feeling hideous (and was only part time).

However I have been suffering from anxiety ever since as I accepted a full time job at the school, I have been feeling extremely nauseaus every day and my ibs has flared up. I am getting myself into such a state that I don't know how I'll be able to cope. I am frightened that I will feel ill every day as I have through the holidays and this morning for the first time in a few weeks I have had a panic attack as I had diarrohea this morning. I don't usually panic about that, but today I did and I had to rely in my Mum to take my daughter to the childminder.

I am taking amitryptaline and have an appt with a MIND counsellor next week, but I am so scared that I will not be able to work as I am not coping very well. I am reading a self help book and I am trying to practice breathing techniques and have started saying positive affirmations. The trouble is my anxiety is constant as well as having the odd panic attack, so I am not sure how else I can help myself. Any advice would be helpful.

[Anxious_gal]

try taking ginger, i have ginger tea when my tummy is upset and i find it helps. hmm i guess your worried about alot. try to think positive thoughts before and durning work. you can get tablets for ibs, i take spasmonol, it stops my insides-instenies from spasiming , when i get ibs i get very bad tummy pain, i get mostly constipation and trapped wind.
try putting lavender on a tissue n smell it when your anxious.

[milly jones]

firstly well done for ur new job, hugs

it is normal to feel apprehensive about changes in ur job hunny, everyone would.

with school holidays being so long its the waiting for the start, the anticipation of u starting again.

just take ur time and try to enjoy the rest of the holidys, cos once u go full time there will be little rest time left.

ull probably become so absorbed in ur new job that there will be little time for anx thinking.

good luck and keep posting ur progress

milly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[rocklover]

Thanks for your advice, I am hoping that the job will make me less anxious, but I am not sure it will. Just feeling so weak at the moment.

[emma1976]

Rocklover,

What is your new job?

It's good that you have an appt with a counselor, we can all do with some solid and steady advice from time to time - but then we need to keep doing the things that help us feel better (which can be difficult).

Try not to worry about the future, focus on what you have here and now, that's what it is real x

[rocklover]

Hi,

My job is as an admin officer within a school, so actually the hours are not too bad and obviously there are lots of hols. However, I was temping there part time when I applied for the full time role, and at the time I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing, but I took the job when they offered it because it was a self esteem boost that I got it.

The closer it gets, the more anxious I get, but I am pretty sure it's not just nerves, I am really not looking forward to it as it is not what I want to do. But, even more difficult is the fact that I don't even know what I DO want to do. I am worried that they'll be really angry if I tell them I cannot take the position now, also worried about what my boyfriend will think of me (I try to appear strong to him and hide alot of my anxiety) and obviously worried that I will not be able to get another job easily.

What I want is something part time so that I can spend time with my daughter and also to make sure that I have time to focus on getting myself better because I have come to the point where I know I cannot carry on like this any more. My life is restricted because I am scared most of the time and I think I need to start being nice to myself instead of getting angry and pressuring myself to do things that I am not able to cope with right now. I don't want anything to defeat me, but I guess in order to get well again I need to give myself a break and put myself first instead of others. Sorry about the epic length of this reply, but I have so much going on in my head I hardly know where to start!

[emma1976]

Well done for being offered the job, you obviously do it well. If you did it well then, then you will do it well again don't you think?

I think we need to look at your options:

- work in the school full time and see what happens (what have you got to lose)
- ask if you can work part time
- decline the offer

Are these your options?

How long have you had anxiety?

[rocklover]

Hi Emma,

Working part time in this particular job is not an option as they need a full time person. The job is going to be fairly different to what I was doing before, lots more responsibility (which I don't mind), but also alot of things that I had not had to do in the part time role, hence me not being sure I wanted the job, but I think I got swept away with feeling flattered that they offered the position to me.

I could decline it and would need to find something part time as soon as possible. You're right I have nothing to lose, but if i don't cope then it will be pretty annoying for the school if I have to leave, soon after I have started.

What I can't deal with is the fact that when I think about going in, I immediately feel scared, ill and totally trapped, like I am being forced to do something I don't want to. The truth is, I am reading self help books/articles, I am talking to my Mum (who has experience of anxiety) and I just don't seem to know how to make myself better. I feel panicky and sick the moment I wake up in the morning. Sometimes it subsides, sometimes it doesn't, all I know is that at the moment I can't even get through one day without feeling some sort of anxiety and I totally hate myself for it. I wasn't like this 6 weeks ago!!

[jonstar]

Ask your doctor for a short course of Valium to get you over the forst 2 weeks or so, no danger of dependence on a short course like that, and it will make life a lot more tolorable

[rocklover]

Thanks Jonstar, was actually thinking of doing something like that temporarily, as although I have upped my amitryptaline dose, it doesn't seem to have helped (it's supposed to help my nerves and the ibs).

I am going to see the MIND counsellor at the Drs surgery next week, but that is only 1-2 sessions at the most, they are offering this in place of CBT as the waiting list is so long. I am thinking that if I did go ahead with the job, I may be able to afford a private therapist. Has anyone had experience of CBT and was it helpful?

[emma1976]

You may not want the job when you get there but you may feel differently. Personally, I don't think you should worry about letting them down, people join and leave jobs on a regular basis and you're doing the very best you can, and that's good enough.

I am having CBT based therapy, basically it tells you that what you think, your moods and your actions are all affected by each other. I.e. if you change your thoughts to positive ones, your mood will improve.

It's very practical and can't do you any harm that's for sure!

[rocklover]

Thanks Emma. After my IBS induced panic attack this morning, I rallied myself and forced myself to go into town with my Mum, as had to get a passport photo done of my daughter. Even though I didn't feel great and felt quite queasy I just kept telling myself that I was ok and nothing bad would happen. Then went to the supermarket and to my sister's work to drop stuff off for her.

I was quite pleased with myself. Then my boyfriend texted me and asked me to go to Reading Festival with him and some of his family on Friday. I have genuine babysitting issues, but I would like to go, however am scared I would freak out and would not want to humiliate myself. Not sure what to do....festival loos, nightmare!!!

[jonstar]

If you have anic disorder, an SSRI or clomipramine might be more appropriate than amitriptyline, for their anti panic effects.

Also, as well as a regular antidperessant, having a benzodiazepine such as Valium or Xanax on hand to be taken in emergencies can be a useful crutch, even if you dont take them.... knwing that you have somthing there incase you do start to panic or freak out can be calming in it self.

[rocklover]

Thanks, I will speak to the MIND counsellor about it, apparently she will assess my need for medication. But I am starting to think that I do need something as I am anxious pretty much all the time as I feel sick all the time. Then also I suppose I am feeling more sick because I am anxious. It's a catch 22 I can't seem to break out of!

[emma1976]

Friends of mine, and myself, were all given Citalopram as a first line anti-anxiety, anti-depressant. Personally, I don't have any side effects. Oh there is one, dreaming... lots of dreaming - very manageable!

I think you need to deal with your anxiety from many angles. Your diet, your thoughts, your exercise and facing your fears. Well done for going out yesterday - we push ourselves through barriers we don't want to push through but we come out the other side feeling just that little bit better quite often, and then you can have a snowball effect in the right direction ...

[rocklover]

Hi again Emma,

My diet is awful at the moment, mainly because I feel sick I am only eating things that I really fancy as otherwise it's hard to get them down. Unfortunately this seems to be alot of sugary stuff which I know is bad for mood swings etc, although I am eating good evening meals, i.e fish/white meat veg and rice/pots etc. I have also started taking a multi vitamin everyday to try to give my body what it may be missing out on.

Also as I suffer from IBS my body won't tolerate too much fruit/veg etc and if I eat too much of anything with fibre it just goes straight through me, so I do find having a healthy food balance difficult.

I am having a bad day today and I am sooo mad with myself because I would like to go to Reading on Friday, although I probably won't be able to because of not having a sitter for my daughter. Even if I could go, I wouldn't cope and I hate the fact that I can't do it. I am scared to tell my boyfriend how bad I have become because i don't want him to think I am weak and pathetic. I am also aware that all this negative thinking is making me worse too!

[emma1976]

Oh dear - we all feel worse when we just overthink about one thing, it becomes the centre of our universe. We have to let things flow as we can't control everything. Do your best to get a babysitter, maybe you will yet! But if you can't then please forget Reading and concentrate on making your time as enjoyable as possible.

I'm a bit concerned you're not getting the support you need as normally our partners are a large part of the support network. Do you think he'd understand if you explained it to him. There's a chance he may have noticed you're not behaving quite the same as normal and wondering what's up?

[binashubby]

Hi Rocklover,
I think we all feel a little apprehensive when taking a new job. I did when I accepted my full time post with all the responsibility and unsocial hours, but its worked out very well. Believe in yourself. You can do it :yesyes:
Paul