need a rant

[lilly-lou]

I've been having such a good few weeks lately, going out loads and loads and begining to enjoy life again then all of a sudden I get out of bed this morning I the will to do things has disappeared, I'm down feel very tearful and am like a bear with a sore head, I am so fed up with it all. It is like my brain can't cope with all the demands that I am asking it to do, if I concentrate on going out then nothing gets done in the house which then in a short space of time begins to look like a bomb has hit it(there are 8 of us in the house and only me that will do anything!) and this makes me anxious and bad tempered, I go out which brings on the anxiety too, I feel like I am in a no win situation.

I can't do everything and I'm sick of asking for help and getting none, it will be just easier to give up and stay in my prison and have no life, be a good little house slave and keep the place tidy. I just feel like my family take me for granted and don't really care about the way I am feeling as long as they don't have to lift a finger. I have never felt like walking out because I can't cope with it all but at the moment if I wasn't so afraid of going out by myself I would disappear for a few days to recharge my batteries, just wish my family would give me a little more support as its not easy getting yourself out after hiding away for so long, I'm just one person trying to cope with a heck of a lot.

Sorry for the ranting but I really need to get it all off my chest before I explode and I don't have anybody else who understands what a rollercoaster of a journey anxiety and depression can be.

lilly-lou

[emma1976]

Can you perhaps go away and visit a friend for a few days?

[lilly-lou]

I would but I don't have any friends due to the agoraphobia and social phobia and with 6 kids to look after it would be impossible to go

lilly-lou

[emma1976]

Are you able to get away for a few hours?

[lilly-lou]

usually I am able to get out for a couple of hrs by myself but today I just can't be bothered to do that, if I don't get sorted straight away I feel worse so kind of in a vicious circle of self pity at the moment, think I will lock myself in the bathroom and have a soak in the bath although you can guarantee even that wont be peaceful as somebody will be banging on the door wanting me for something!

[Anxious_gal]

i'm not a mother but i know so many mothers feel taken for granted. yes if i plan to go out i never get any house work done! i get all anxious n house work seems so over whelming.
six kids? gosh no wonder your feeling drained, that's a lot of hard work.
sometimes i feel like the bathroom is only place to get some peace.
you need some you time! not sure what you could do, hire a babysitter, get a massage, go out for dinner, hire a maid! not sure how bad your agoraphobia or how your money situation is.
i think your very brave for coping with it all, even though you may feel like your not coping, you are.
you really need a break, there must be something that would help, if i lived near you i would so come over and help out.
sorry if this hasnt help, hope your ok x

[marie1974]

hiya matey, please dont worry cos you been doig so well but you will get some days where you feel abit poo. dont be too hard on yrself hun and 6 kids to look after must completey wear you out at times. i know with 3 kids sometimes i could run for he hills for some me time, it dont often happen though. have a nice soak in bath like you said and just relax today and try and chill abit and tomorrow you may feel better.

i understand your responsibility of kids, house etc men just dont always realise how busy we are do they? my place gets messy quick and i have to do it every day to keep on top of it and sometimes i really just cant be bothered and if i leave it no one else tidys.

hugs hun and try to relax todayxxx

[Veronica H]

Hi Lilly-lou
I can't imagine what it is like to have to do everything for eight, but one thing is for sure no one could for long. Something has to give or else your health will. Is there a partner at home who could support you in rounding everyone up and getting them all to engage in helping you? Or perhaps the eldest child? They need to know how important it is for you to get out as the agraphobia will only get worse if you cannot. I wouldn't ask for help if this fails I would insist on it. You are part of the family too.
Best wishes
Veronica H

[lilly-lou]

Thanks all for the replies. Yesterday went from bad to worse, my niece sent me a snotty txt acusing me of saying things behind her back, which I haven't, this really hurt me as I have been like a mum to her and her sis because her own mum can't be bothered( she to busy with her new hubby who is an alcoholic and beats her up.) I can't believe that she didn't ask me about what I was meant to have said she just believed it, guess I found out what she really thinks of me.

I also told my hubby if he doesn't start to help me sort out the kids and help me finish decorating the house he may as well move out as I can't take any more and it will be easier to be by myself than to live with a bloke who only ever thinks about himself and throws it up in my face that 'he works' so doesn't have any time to do odd jobs, what a flippin insult, as if I don't work hard, I am the one up with the two youngest when they wake at 2am and wont go back asleep, I wake with my son who has autism who can be up as many time as 5 a night and sit with him when he has really bad night terrors( all part of the joy of having a child on the autistic spectrum) I am the one worrying about how to be in 3 place at once in sep now that the lovely L.E.A have decided to take away my other sons transport now he is in high school, he has special needs too and because all the units are getting shut down he has to go main stream with support and because there isn't a lauguage center at high school level for him to go into all of a sudden in there eyes because he main stream he's cured and can manage the two bus rides to get to school, I think not, so it falls on me to take him, the only problem is my other son gets transport so I have to be at home to wait for him, my 3yr old starts nursery at school in sep so I have to be there to collect him and low and behold I have to also be at high school to collect my other son and I am now begining to panic as how can I be in 3 places at once and to top it all I'm worrying that I will have a bad day and not manage to get to the schools to collect any of them, I feel like I'm gonna explode. oh yes my hubby as per usual isn't bothered about it at all so its fell to me to try and sort out the impossible.

I think if it doesn't rain I will take the boys to the park to run off some of their energy and see if I can clear my head as I am so flippin fed up with my life at the moment.

Thanks all for taking the time to read.

lilly-lou

[emma1976]

Hi Lilly-Lou,

We can only ever deal with one thing at a time so when the world around you goes crazy, try to focus on one thing at a time. You are definitely able to cope. With support we are much more able, and you do have that here.

We can't control other people's actions (like your niece) but we can control whether we choose to worry for a whole week about an issue, or whether we think for 20mins, make a decision, possibly take some action, and move on.

Hope today goes well for you. A slightly good day for me often brings a better and more positive mood for me, so I try to keep a clear head and not let any persistent thoughts control my day.

Good luck

Emma x

[lilly-lou]

Thanks Emma,

I did manage a supermarket shop this morning and I had 6 kids with me but my 12yr old is very mature and another of my nieces helped me out too so it wasn't too stressful and just by doing this even though I am having a really bad few days has made me feel pleased with myself, silly really how just doing a shop can make me feel pleased with myself.

Hugs

lilly-lou

[marie1974]

hiya and welldone, i hope you have a better dayhun xxx

[emma1976]

That's cool! I went for lunch with colleagues and didn't feel all anxious like I did yesterday, so nice to feel "normal" now and again!

[lilly-lou]

Well done Emma and yes it is nice to feel 'normal' (what ever normal is!) every now and then.