View Full Version : Very Interesting Panic...
I think anxiety and panic for different people is very interesting.
I have had panic attacks for 28 years but I can walk into an office and ask for a job - I can delegate work and be efficient and have no fear but when it comes to going to the cinema or shopping at the supermarket - I am a shrivelling panic ridden woman - I survived the theatre last year, I survived meeting new people at a dinner, I survived a job interview - but can I survive my sons wedding next year? I am absolutely cacking myself - shut in and trapped - mother of the groom so all eyes on me -100 people crammed in a tiny room - hot,faint,dizzy and panicking - I know its within me to cope but I am getting really frightened and feel sick at the thought of it already and its next year!!!
When I rationalise this - I think how stupid - Im so happy about the wedding but hate the thought of being crammed in a small room for an hour in the heat - Im sure we all have our fears of different situations but its weird how different things affect different people..
Wenjoy xx
I do think you are right in saying that panic and anxiety can be so different in people even though we all have the same illness.My neighbour is 60 yrs old and suffers from it.she has only moved here in the past 7 yrs and her husband has had to give up his job to be by her side as she can't do normal everyday things.She cannot go shopping or anywhere on her own,cannot watch any medical programmes on tv or have anything to do with hospitals etc,she shakes when she is talking to you and worries about everything.She does not do anything for herself and will not take advice from anybody how to get well,she tends to dwell and the annoying thing is tells me that I don't suffer like her because I can go out on my own,This makes me feel like lamping her one at times because I do suffer only in a different way,I can go out on my own but I worry about my husband driving constantly and this results in me going to meetings with him sometimes(he is an account manager)which drives him mad,I suffer terribly at night because my panic attacks come then,I am up nearly every night and feel exhausted most of the time.I am waiting for counselling at the moment so I hope this will help me.I have lost weight and don't eat properly as it results in me feeling sick all the time and she doesn't know this,when I try and explain she just says "you aren't anything like me"it is really annoying.
I do know where you are coming from,everyone thinks becuse you can do certain things then you can handle anything but it isn't that simple.It is great that your son is getting married but try and take minute by minute on the day and just enjoy each moment, because the day will only hopefully happen the once and you want good memories of it not thoughts of how you were.I do agree that people will sometimes be looking at you but more eyes wil be on the happy couple and you can always nip outside and have a breather if you feel a bit claustrophobic.Pop along to the docs nearer the day and ask for something to calm you down and then you may feel better to cope.My experience on weddings is that most folk think of their meal and drinks not the grooms or brides family when push comes to shove,by the time it is the reception people are hungry and eyes move away from the bridal party anyway so you should feel easier(photos being over etc).I think you are feeling anxious because it is your son's big day and you are probably scared that you may have a panic attack and spoil it for him but you WON'T! YOU WILL BE SUPER AND COPE GREAT COS YOU ARE A LOVELY MUM AND MUM IN LAW AND HAVE PUT A GREAT WEDDING TOGETHER.
Don't worry at this stage,I am sure everything will be fine!!.
Thankyou for your kind words. Iknow it sounds so silly especially as its months away!!!
I hope you get the helpyou are looking for. Like you, my husband has been there for me and although he doesnt understand why I chose to have panic attacks (as if I would chose to have one!!) he is there even though a bit grumpty with me sometimes!!
We will both ride out our panic together - you can do it - so can I!
Wenjoy x
freakedout
20-08-08, 14:54
Hi Wenjoy & mothermac,
Oh you are both so familiar! Its very bizarre isn't it how we can deal with some situations but not others. My mum got married last year and wanted me to be her witness but asked my sister instead because she knew I would be sitting at the back near the exit poised for my quick escape! I also made my excuses and didn't go to a friends wedding because like you Wenjoy I was afraid of the situation. Anticipatory anxiety is hideous and uses so much of our energy, I do sympathise.
mothermac, I know what you mean too about having your symtoms trivialised by others. How can we compare our experiences with others? You would think there would be a mutual understanding and empathy from your neighbour rather than her making out you are not as bad as her - how does she know? obviously she doesn't.. I hope the counselling helps you.
I often feel a fake because there are things I can do and other things that I cannot possibley do. If I can keep moving, or if I am on my feet I am generally better than the trapped feeling I get if I am sat down. I know I am not trapped but in a strange way I feel like a caged animal in many situations where I feel 'trapped' and panicky. Sorry I am taking over your thread but yes it is interesting how we have different yet similar experiences.
Take care and thanks for sharing yours
Freaky
Hi....I know how you feel ..Im maid of honour in Nov and Im sooo anxious about it .....at the moment I cant even leave the house with out panic and anxiety so how will I cope with a wedding.....I think the same aswell as its a winter wedding with open fire so Im going 2 be hot and that makes me dizzy .
When I have done it I will post about it and give you some coping strategies.....if Im able 2 leave the room 2 get there lol xxxx
Thanks for your replies- its silly feeling trapped in queues in shops and in theatres etc coz you can walk out I know but I think its fear of what other people think of us - Im sure I worry about what others think about me - I know Im an ok sort of person but hate being stared at and worry about others starin at me!!
The wedding is next year in summer and in an enclosed place and being mother of the groom I cant walk out - as only hubby knows of my fears - my family think Im enough of a failure as it is without telling them about this - I am determined to live my life and get on with it - good luck being maid of honour - I know we all have the power within ourselves to get through the fear - its believing in yourself thats the key!
Wenjoy x
Hi Wenjoy..............congrats on the wedding.
You've hit the nail on the head....................it's the being trapped thing. Whatever the situation is, you are always looking for an escape route.
freakedout made a good point too about being trapped. I feel 'trapped' in my home & work situation and I think there is a connection there.
Just reading this board makes you realise so many different situations give different people different levels of anxiety, and no-one should trivialise anyone's fears. What we see on the outside doesn't always reflect on whats going on inside.
Wenjoy.............I was petrified of being 'on show' at my sons wedding, but in the end it turned out alright. I did feel a bit shaky and trapped at first but I just concentrated on the bride and groom, took a deep breath and it subsided. I did sit at the end of a pew, and I did check the exits. Once I knew where everything was I settled down a bit.
Good Luck.................enjoy your day.
Pansy
Hello i'm in the same position except my daughters wedding is in december and I'm in denial and I'm terrified of the whole thing. Its awful cos i should be all excited etc but i'm not and dont even want to talk about it much even to her which is awful. She is all excited and I'm a quivering wreck.
Sadly valium and the like dont seem to work for me. Just in the middle of changing A/ds but havent really got hope of them working.
Joy
I only take Kalms and they help a bit - I know what you mean about being on the end of a row where you can see an exit - trouble is - they are not marrying in a church or register office and Im feeling ill instead of excited thinking about it. If it was only ten minutes I think I could cope but we have to be there 30 minutes before then 30 minutes for the ceremony - yikes!!
Wenjoy x
my daughter wedding is in a Tithe Barn and the following reception is there as well so in total we will be there for about 11 hours!!! The son in law has a big family who i dont know ,where as we only have a few so thats an added strain. Any advice would be welcome
joy
Hi Joy
I know what you mean - my sons is in a ship in dry docks below deck which is somethine I wont do normally anyhow - maybe I should go there on a visit before to acquiant myself! Anyhow - I prefer strangers to family as my family look down their noses at me - Im the black sheep of the family and overweight as well and they think Im neurotic and always criticize me especially behind my back so I would prefer not knowing anyone then If I felt panicky I dont feel more of afailure!!
Anyhow - good luck with your daughters wedding - you will be great - try and have a good time and I will be thinking of you. Feel free to pm me on my e mail anytime.
Take care
Wenjoy x
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