Slight rant and plea for advice!

[angoisse]

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to ask for some advice, or to see if anyone was ever in a similar situation. A friend of my partner and mine recently had a fire in her apartment, so we offered to put her up at our place for as long as she needs. The thing is, she's much more of a friend to my partner than she is to me, and she is not aware of my anxiety issues. It is true that in comparison to last year, my anxiety is more manageable, but generally once a day I feel anxious and it shows--I don't really pay attention to people around me and I breathe funny etc. I'm not referring to panic attacks, as those are fortunately very rare for me, but it's as though I am never relaxed--there is a constant anxious buzz. Also, I am emetophobic and although (again) I am feeling much better about that as I have in the past, worries related to it have been creeping up on me more and more often lately (another thing that makes me worry even more because I really don't want to be where I was last year with my emetophobia).

Generally my writing is a lot more structured and the fact that this post isn't bothers me. Oh my, I suppose I'm just in a strange mood. In regards to the friend staying over, do you suggest I talk to her right off the bat about my anxiety and to let her know that if I seem weird or something, it's probably due to that? Or should I wait for a circumstance when I'm feeling particularly anxious? Or just not tell her at all?

Help?

Thanks,

angoisse

[kendo59]

If you feel that your behaviour might be noticed, or interpreted as 'a bit weird', and you feel it would put your own mind at rest to explain to her... then why not?
It's always a good idea when having a guest staying, to clarify a few 'house rules' so as to avoid any potential inadvertant upsets. It's up to you to explain or not, in however a way you are comfortable explaining (ie, that you know you can be a bit 'highly strung' but that you like a set routine in your day-to-day life, that you hope she will be able to fit in with).
It would probably make more sense (ie, be more coherent) if you talked to her when you are calm and rational, rather than waiting until you are feeling 'emotional'.

[Southern_Belle]

Hi,

To tell you the truth you may find my reply odd. I'm not dropping the ball here but I would not say anything. She is probably so strung out herself from having a fire in her home she won't notice a thing. If indeed she does, I imagine she would say something to your partner who you state she is closer to. You might want to say something to your partner in advance of how you would want her to address the situation if it does come up. I think it is great of you two to help her like you are doing, you are very good friends!!!

Take care,

Laura

[milly jones]

well what a lovely friend u are, and how brave to open up ur home.

im always upfront about my illness.

if u are gracious enough to offer ur home when a friend is in need, then they should show enough empathy to realise ur difficulties.

we all have personnal preferences and special routines and im sure that ur friend will understand these

hope it all goes well

milly xxxx

[angoisse]

Haha, yes, I suppose we are good friends, but the girl is a sweetie pie and we couldn't let her live in a box! Thank you all for the advice.

kendo59--I think you've got a good point in that if I decide to talk to her, I should opt out of the doing it when I'm already in an anxious state--it'll make it way harder to explain and way more difficult to admit those things to her when I'm feeling vulnerable to begin with.

SB--Thanks for your input. This is what I was thinking to begin with, and was ready to just leave it be, but then I thought about it more. The fact that the friend is way closer to my partner and would most certainly consult her regarding my strange behaviour before me makes me uneasy. I really don't like the idea of people talking about me when I'm not around, especially when I know they're discussing my anxiety issues. It makes me feel paranoid and uncomfortable. Plus, I think IF it's going to be said I would like to be the one to say it.`

SO...after (way too much, unnecessary) deliberation, I think I'm going to wait for a nice moment in a conversation, where it fits in un-awkwardly, to discuss my anxiety issues in a casual way, making no big deal about it.

I think it should work out fine. I'm nervous about my routines changing and about being anxious with someone less familiar, but you know, there's absolutely nothing I can do because I think helping out a friend is better than feeding my insecurities. I think it's going to be fine. Eeep! I need to clean and clean and clean! Four cats' worth of hair is okay for me to live in, but a guest? An abomination!

Thanks again for your help, I'm off to procrastinate work as usual and read Martha Stewart's Guide To Being The Ideal Hostess (which I'm sure exists somewhere!)

angoisse

[Southern_Belle]

LOL, @ Martha Stewart. She makes everything look so easy, one forgets she has a team of people working behind her! I think you made the correct decision and friends are always there for others. You may find your anxiety even eases up a bit.

Take care,

Laura