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View Full Version : Not a Joke But something for all the mums



Sue K with 5
13-05-05, 00:48
The best mom thing....



We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions

that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking

a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"



"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone

neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no

more

spontaneous vacations."



But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter,

trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she

will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the

physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother

will

leave

her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be

vulnerable.



I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper

without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every

plane crash,

every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of

starving

children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than

watching your

child die.



I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think

that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will

reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

That an

urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best

crystal without a moments hesitation.



I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she

has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed

by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she

will be going into an important business meeting and she will

think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce

of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her

baby is all right.



I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer

be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to

the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will

become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of

clattering

trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender

identity

will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be

lurking

in

that restroom.



However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess

herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive

daughter, I want

to

assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy,

but she

will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so

important,

will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would

give

herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin

to hope

for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch

her child

accomplish theirs.



I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch

marks will become badges of honor.



My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in

the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much

more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or

who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should

know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she

would now find very unromantic.



I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with

women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice

and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the

exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to

capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the

soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to

taste the

joy that is so real it actually hurts.



My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have

formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I

reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and

o

Piglet
13-05-05, 09:59
Ahh, that was lovely - and so true!
Love Piglet :)

mom22
13-05-05, 12:13
Really nice Sue! Had to laugh at the McD's part...been there.
Thanks,
Sue

kairen
13-05-05, 14:24
Susan, that was so moving, and so true, you should give yr daughter a copy, your right your never told any of those things xx

kairen x

seh1980
13-05-05, 15:36
aaawwww how sweet!! :D

sal
13-05-05, 21:40
That was really good.

How true it is aswell, i think many of us have thought before hand about losing the independance just to pop out or have a night out, but looking deeper into it that is so right and true.

Thanks for sharing that with us.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.