KieronG
21-08-08, 06:20
Mine is a long story but I'll try and keep it brief.
I was bullied by my older sister's husband from the age of about 15 and eventually became very insecure without even realising it at the time, for me it became a normal way of life. I received no support from my divorced mother who was an alcoholic and often had to lock myself in my bedroom to escape her violence towards me. I would come home from school and search the flat for her hidden Vodka bottles and pour them down the sink while she was at work. This was when my panic attacks started.
When I met my wife to be in my mid twenties I thought my problems were over and thought I was part of her family that seemed "normal" at the time. However, there were always "things" that bothered me about her family and her very dominant (bullying) mother. My panic attacks continued and became worse in crowded or social gatherings where I would sweat profusely. My wife seemed to accept me as I was but never encouraged me to seek help.
Over the years I built up a sucessful electronics business despite my "handicap". When my wife and I moved into our dream home about 7 years ago I realised that there was something seriously wrong with my marriage. My wife neglected the house and showed no interest and told me it was too large and needed a maid because she couldn't cope with it. I bought her a new Mercedes car and just before we went to collect it from the dealers she told me she was dissapointed with it because she wanted a convertable. She was also trying to isolate me from our two children, which became more apparant as they got older.
When the penny finally dropped, the pain of the realisation that my now ex-wife had married me because of my problems and my insecurity for her own means almost "turned my lights out" totally. She had manipulated me to become reliant on her and her family (all female) for my security. The business fell apart and I eventually was declared bankrupt, I never saw my children for 18 months following the divorce and my daughter now plays the same mind-games with me that her mother did when I do rarely see her. My son is now suffering the same abuse from my ex-wife and her family. I now live in a one-bedroom rented flat without any possessions of my own because my ex-wife moved out of our house 2 weeks before it was sold and took everything with her without informing me. (I had already left a couple of months before). She received her half of the equity from the property, mine went towards the bankruptcy, everything was in my name apart from the house.
I now suffer from what I can only describe as a "body tremor" most of the time, can't keep my head from twitching (which is driving me mad), seem to have a permanant headache and also have a problem with my balance. My feelings of insecurity are killing me and my panic attacks are more frequent (one every morning and a couple through the day). I'm not coping with the pain of realising that I've been bullied pretty much all my life, especially by someone I loved and trusted and gave everything to. I also seem to be phobic to the slightest sign of being bullied and pretty much fall apart into a quivering mess. I have no friends or family and find it difficult in social surroundings but being a very prideful and head-strong individual I am suffering in silence and trying to fight my way through. I know that my body is eventually going to give up and can't continue with the levels of anxiety I'm experiencing.
I've realised that I need some help!
I was bullied by my older sister's husband from the age of about 15 and eventually became very insecure without even realising it at the time, for me it became a normal way of life. I received no support from my divorced mother who was an alcoholic and often had to lock myself in my bedroom to escape her violence towards me. I would come home from school and search the flat for her hidden Vodka bottles and pour them down the sink while she was at work. This was when my panic attacks started.
When I met my wife to be in my mid twenties I thought my problems were over and thought I was part of her family that seemed "normal" at the time. However, there were always "things" that bothered me about her family and her very dominant (bullying) mother. My panic attacks continued and became worse in crowded or social gatherings where I would sweat profusely. My wife seemed to accept me as I was but never encouraged me to seek help.
Over the years I built up a sucessful electronics business despite my "handicap". When my wife and I moved into our dream home about 7 years ago I realised that there was something seriously wrong with my marriage. My wife neglected the house and showed no interest and told me it was too large and needed a maid because she couldn't cope with it. I bought her a new Mercedes car and just before we went to collect it from the dealers she told me she was dissapointed with it because she wanted a convertable. She was also trying to isolate me from our two children, which became more apparant as they got older.
When the penny finally dropped, the pain of the realisation that my now ex-wife had married me because of my problems and my insecurity for her own means almost "turned my lights out" totally. She had manipulated me to become reliant on her and her family (all female) for my security. The business fell apart and I eventually was declared bankrupt, I never saw my children for 18 months following the divorce and my daughter now plays the same mind-games with me that her mother did when I do rarely see her. My son is now suffering the same abuse from my ex-wife and her family. I now live in a one-bedroom rented flat without any possessions of my own because my ex-wife moved out of our house 2 weeks before it was sold and took everything with her without informing me. (I had already left a couple of months before). She received her half of the equity from the property, mine went towards the bankruptcy, everything was in my name apart from the house.
I now suffer from what I can only describe as a "body tremor" most of the time, can't keep my head from twitching (which is driving me mad), seem to have a permanant headache and also have a problem with my balance. My feelings of insecurity are killing me and my panic attacks are more frequent (one every morning and a couple through the day). I'm not coping with the pain of realising that I've been bullied pretty much all my life, especially by someone I loved and trusted and gave everything to. I also seem to be phobic to the slightest sign of being bullied and pretty much fall apart into a quivering mess. I have no friends or family and find it difficult in social surroundings but being a very prideful and head-strong individual I am suffering in silence and trying to fight my way through. I know that my body is eventually going to give up and can't continue with the levels of anxiety I'm experiencing.
I've realised that I need some help!